I Find It Sad..that There Are So Many People So Many Lifes And Realities I'll Never Get To Experince,

I think I've realised I'm bad luck. Everyone I meet every person I interact with as soon as I come into their lives. It all seems to turn to shit. Every second everyday I'm tourmented with paranoia that gets worse with people and I've found that that it manifests itself and fucks up other people's life. I feel like everyone would be better off without me, and I honestly wish they'd see that too, I think I have attachment issues because as soon as I befriend or come close with someone, I instantly desire to leave them, somtimes for selfish intent and somtimes for altruism but none the less I always do. I wish I had the guts to cut people of cold because as soon as I enter somones life as nice as I try to be I fuck up everyone around me without trying. I don't think I want to do that again. I dont think anyone deserves that, and I dont think I deserve anyone else. No one seems to be able to see that eventually, I'll just end up dragging people down. I'm a very avid reality thinker I often think of every conceivable reality where maybe things could be different but I know everyones life would be better if I wasnt in it, I'd rather they pain staklingly get support then wallow in their sadness while I coddle them, I've given up on myself and so should they. Im the losing dog that people bet on, and unbeknownst to them, they shouldn't.[Not my art] [Oc writing read desc for context]

When I like or relate to a character enough, I'll often take their name and use it for myself. Im not quite sure why i do this if im being honest, I dont do it very often to but when i find a character, i really love. i can't help but want to be like them. i dont like my name at all. It has no elegance or interest in it or anything remarkably nice about it. "......" It's boring, but i suppose all names are after a while. It has 6 letters in it, which is a cold number, but it is even, and it has mostly warm letters, which are nice [I dont like cold numbers or odd numbers]. It means something to do with religion, which is ironic cause im probably going to end up in hell anyway. None of my close friends call me it anyway, I'm usually referred to ell although i wouldn't mind more people calling me tori or jane, which are all names I've taken from characters i like. Tori/victoria from Solitaire, Jane Doe from Ride the Cyclone, my favourite musical, and the genderbent version of Edd from eddsworld Ell. [who I have since claimed as my own character]..it feels silly but when i find somthing or somone i can really relate to i desire to have some sense of similairty of closeness with them wich i find the easist to achive with name, albeit it has created this sort of affect where i feel i have no real name at all. Although theres only 3 I've really taken on I've been told that i have lots of actual names that my parenrs have aince forgotten with of course the addition of the various ways to say my name and the english version. But if im being honest, im not sure I'll ever have a name that will ever fit me, meaning or sound wise. I guess that it's my fate to be nameless and avoid any proper recognition, and so in addition to my void, i can now add a blank sheet signed "nameless."[Not my art]

Every so often my fast beating heart, hole in my stomach and reason for my ever lasting disdain comes back and I feel as though the world is collapsing in on itself as there is nothing I can do to help, so all I can do is wallow in my selfishly horrid misery accompanied by the lasting memory of where the present was not nie and I had no reason to be flocked with the thoughts of how selfishly drowned I am in my own feelings[Not my art]

NOT MY ART

Hello all I hope your having a lovley evening day or night, im just posting these pictures here because I need help on a character. I was just wondering what one may describe the clothing the characters are wearing as or what aesthetic it may be. Ive tried clown and jester but it hasnt really helped so im seeking help here, any help would be very appreciated<33 if I had to choose the one most accurate to what im imagining I'd say 4 and 3.

Every so often, I get slightly tiered if asking people if they are okay, I want to help people I do, but at some point, it becomes sort of draining if the other person never bothered to ask back. Sometimes, being caring can be rather lonely because when the people you know constantly give something wrong but never ask about you, then it can get rather isolated. Although I'm slightly contradicting myself as I can't accept help because I don't want to bother people with my problems, at the same time I at least want to be asked yk?[Not my art]

Cheese

Glass bottles [Tw Blood]

When I was little, i had these plastic glass bottles

The first thing I did was spit my blood inside

I watched it sloth around as the cork got stained with red

I liked looking at my blood it was like a part of myself I woefully shed

My own blood I had decided to hide away and store.

My own blood, I let rot along, soaking into the cork.

Days later, i was going to eat it but saw the blood dried and faded almost dead

It was on the sides and screw this horrible brown colour, almost the embodyment of dread

Yet i still cleaned it out and ate it

My desperation is unmet.[Not my art] [character poem]

I really love my husband, wilbur. That's about it.[Were married on discord]

I think most of my life is being scared over simple human things, i truly dont know whats wrong with me but i despise the person i am, i hate the feelig that i get when a pit in stomcach resides and i have to live with the memory of a simple human error I committed,I dont mean to be rude I dont mean to be creepy I dont mean to hate people I don't mean any of it. If a time machine was a real concpt I'd simply use it to fix the itty bitty mistakes I made that no one would give a second thought to, if im not perfect and surpress everything I made to be well than I am an individual who does not deserve to live. I hate wallowing in the things I've done, constantly thinking of the choices I make and the things I end up doing, I am forever stuck in my mind and will rot away as my blackened hole grows.[Not my art]

Posted this on tiktok but wanted to share it here too. Pls pls pls interact rtc fandom 🙏🙏