Player: WHAT THE F*CK JUST HAPPENED TO U GUYS AT 3 A.M!?

Parenthood

Tom and Harry as brothers

This is what Carmen and Gray will literally do!!!

It's the same in my AU...except in Canada. Like, Sev goes to Carleton while Iyo went to McGill.

au idea: snape left the wizarding world as a teen and finished his studies in muggle school

humor me on this one:

snape did not have a great time in hogwarts. he was bullied, rejected, outcast, abused by all the wrong people, and ignored by those who could have helped him…everything that would have constituted a nightmare growing up

when lily finally broke off their friendship during their 5th year, he finally made up his mind: he told his mam he wasn’t going back to hogwarts

eileen had her own reservations about the wizarding world (she never returned to it after all) but she would be damned if her only child would be disgraced like this when he was easily Hogwarts’ most brilliant student. for the first and only time in her life, she floo-called albus dumbledore, told him several choice words, and after a long winding discussion of which severus was not privy to, eileen emerged back in the sitting room looking triumphant and holding a sheaf of papers: dumbledore at least had put a good word in to several muggle public schools that would be more welcoming to her boy and his extraordinary mind, and was willing to foot the bill for the classes he needed to catch up with his peers, at least for the year, as a trial run. all they had to do was fill out the application forms

(dumbledore appeared once to talk to him and ask if he was sure and when he said yes, sir the headmaster sighed and performed a spell that would repress his magic and told him that if he wanted to go back to Hogwarts next year he could and severus shrugged)

severus caught up to his muggle lessons in no time. it was so much easier when magic wasn’t involved; there were less variables and more absolutes

because he had already learned to train his accent and manners thanks to his slytherin housemates, he also blended well with his posh classmates, and the scholarship he was granted made sure he had the required uniforms and school supplies, as well as extra money he could use to buy sweets or small gifts for his mam

his classmates were idiots but they were all right; at least no one strung him up or hexed him when he wasn’t looking, and there were plenty of other boys like him, who weren’t rich but had their own intellectual strengths and for once he was challenged

at that age he had also already grown taller and he was good at mimicking lucius’ stance. no one dared to mess with him, especially if they wanted his help for their chemistry or biology homeworks

he excelled in drama club too and was part of the choir

they learned muggle classics and french and greek and played rugby and even though severus wasn’t good at everything he had mates that could help him out and they would do stupid things like flicking pens at each other or sharing secret cigarettes or trying to pretend they were that bloke bowie singing about young americans

he laughed more times than he had in the past six years and sometimes he swore he could see the silhouette of a wizened old man with a long scraggly beard by the gates or on the bleachers watching him, but he would disappear before severus could take a second look

when dumbledore finally visited during the summer hols after he had spent a full year in muggle school, severus was taller, tanner, broader, and walked around with an easy swagger that the headmaster would have mistaken as james potter’s. his dark hair was cut short and he wore a simple dark sweater and pressed trousers. somewhere in the house, a record was playing, asking about it being “real life or is it just fantasy”, and when he was faced with the boy, severus looked him straight in the eye, something he did not (could not) do back in Hogwarts. behind him, eileen stood and watched, her arms crossed, looking almost smug

well my boy, dumbledore said, Hogwarts is still awaiting you with open arms. what will it be?

(he didn’t tell him of the darkness that had grown in the boy’s old House, how his old House Master lamented the lack of ingenuity in the current batch of students, how the marauders had been expelled following their continuous torment of another student, how lily evans had asked of him and how crushed she had looked when dumbledore had told her of his sudden departure, how he knew the girl had begged for the address of his new school even to eileen snape but the woman had ignored her, how there were dark times ahead and his gut told him he needed this boy back, that he would be essential to what was coming…)

thank you, severus said, and he smiled with ease, but no, headmaster. i shall not be returning. i am perfectly happy here.

Noom: “Leave me alone, you bastard!”

Sheena: I had your dad!

Dex Jr.: Are you pulling my leg? My dad’s right here talking jokes with my cousin and bros!

Sheena: *trembles* Then who’s there staring at my daughter and me?

Dex Jr.: Uh oh, you had my uncle. Be careful, he’s a ghost so he might jumpscare you somewhere! *laughs his ass off*

Carmen: *in the background* It’s Halloween so you’re free, dad. But please don’t freak my friends and husband out, ok?

Dex Sr.: *also in the background* C’mon my li’l pup! Scarin’ people who once hurt you is fun!

Can any of u spot Noom?

Zack: *sleepscreaming* AAAAAAAAA!! Leave me alone! I can’t take it anymore!!!

Dex: *screeching as small as he can* It’s only 1 in the morning, dumbass! Quiet!

Sammy: *Cries*

Dash: Uhhhh, Carm!? I think the kid’s up!

Carmen & Gray: *Frowns* Punish time…