I Like To Pretend I Already Died And Asked God To Send Me Back To Earth So I Can Swim In Lakes Again

Today I’ve realized that I have to choose between to be stuck forever or being in pain for a while and finally heal.

Do you have a crush??

Me: Noooooooo

Also me: *writing a poem about him*

I didn’t want them to see my face… Hiding like I was a sinner walking among holiness… Like they could read all my wrongs written on my skin and felt the heaviness of my broken wings where they once used to be… Like I hadn’t any right to be here… -P

— Eduardo C. Corral

Rainer Maria Rilke, Rilke’s Book of Hours

Luigi Rossi - Primavera (detail)

i think everyone needs a god of some kind. and by that i don’t strictly mean religion. you need something that’s bigger than yourself, that you can anchor yourself to whenever you feel lost—whether it be nature, the moon, the sea…

-Trillium by Louise Gluck

Who would have thought it?

My first draco x !femreader. 

Part II

English is not my first language sorry it’s something feel awkward.

1,4k words

Everyone was excited about Yule Ball but you couldn’t be less bothered about it. 

Changing classes was a spectacle since Yule Ball was two weeks ahead. Boys and girls declaring their love in every single corner. Such a cheesy view made you want to shut yourself in your bedroom and not go out until everything came to an end. Why was everyone so desperate?

As a Ravenclaw anything apart from books, classes, etc. was a waste of time. Going to the Yule Ball wouldn't make you pass Snape’s exams.

“y/n” your friend called you several times before you could hear her “Any date for the Yule Ball?”

“You too?” you spited out almost offended. Why are you so obsessed? You asked her trying to figure out how a dance could make people go insane.

“C’mon, you could relax.” she laughed “Tell me the truth, not even a Durmstrang student makes you want to go to the ball?” she added when some of them walked by your left.

Your eyes landed on them, they were handsome, tall and the dream of every girl or boy. But not yours…

A huge group of people in front of the class you were going to made you curious. “What is going on?”

“It’s happening again” your friend laughed excitedly while she dragged you with her to have a better view. It wasn’t a surprise to find a certain blonde in the middle of that fuss. A really nervous Slytherin was in front of him with her eyes shut down and with her whole body shaking.

“She must be the fifteenth or even the twentieth.” Another Slytherin murmured behind you.

Your brain started to put the pieces together. As the most popular Slytherin, Draco Malfoy was a very desirable target for the Yule Ball, but you didn’t expect to witness a proposal, and even more, as far you had heard it wasn’t the first one.

“Do you want to be my date to Yule Ball?” the girl in front of Draco said with a honeyed voice.

The boy didn't seem very amazed. Giving a fast peek at his surroundings, sighed in frustration with his hand buried in his blonde hair. Your eyes met for a few seconds and he narrowed them in your presence. The truth was that you weren’t friends, not even acquaintances but for a mysterious reason he detested you. You were a great witch from a good family, none blood thing could justify his aversion. But every time you crossed paths you felt like you did something wrong.

His face displayed an annoyed gesture, and his fingers went to his temples, massaging them. “I don’t have time for this rubbish.” his head turned away from you and landed on the poor Slytherin’s girl. “Get lost.” he huffed just the right moment McGonagall appeared, dissolving the big crowd. “Whatever is happening can continue after my class.” she announced heading every student inside.

The next classes were very peaceful, no more random events on the hallway. You and your friend were on your way to the Great Hall when you remembered you needed to return a book. Your friend and you split apart, and you hurried up your way.

The hallways were empty, everyone one was on their break. You were grateful for a little bit of peace, you took your time in the library wandering around, it didn't surprise you when you found another Ravenclaw. The library was the temple of all of you, but it didn’t feel right when he started to smile in your direction and not take his eyes off of you. Something was wrong and it pissed you.

It almost gave you a heart attack when he faced you the moment you put one foot out the library. “y/n, can we talk for a moment?” he asked you kindly with his face tinted slightly pink. That scene recalled a certain moment of the morning and your hands started to sweat. The boy in front of you was the same age but you hadn’t exchanged many words through the years, you didn't even know his name. You bit your lower lip trying to kill the urge of running away. “Sure…” you hesitated in a lower voice and with your hands clenched to your cape

“I hope it isn’t too late.” he whispered, rubbing his neck “By any chance would you like to go with me to Yule Ball?”

You froze and your usual eloquence disappeared. You couldn’t imagine that that would happen to you. You didn't plan a negative for the occasion, and you didn't want to go to the ball, because the truth was that HE would never ask you to go with him, and no one else had your interest.

“I’m sorry but…” you faltered to say. Your mouth was dry, and you couldn’t find the words.

“What y/n want to say is that she is already taken.” a very known voice interrupted you. Your brows raised in surprise when you saw Draco come out from behind a pillar.

“That's true?” the Ravenclaw looked at you with surprise, you were surprised as well, in which world were you Draco’s date? Maybe you just hit your head.

He came closer and one of his arms wrapped around your waist, your whole body shivered. He was the only one who could make you feel like that. “It’s true” you lied with your face completely red and avoiding the eyes of any of the boys. Sadly, it was a lie you wanted to believe with all your heart. The Ravenclaw gave up and disappeared after he looked at you very surprised. Your heart was pounding in your chest, you were alone with Draco and you were afraid to do or say anything that could break the spell.

“Why have you done that?” you slapped Draco away, as much as you wanted that touch you didn't want it to be as a part of a lie. He faced you with his beautiful grey eyes and smirked maciously. “Don't you know?” he whispered in your ear. You blushed entirely, your face, your neck, etc. “I thought you hated me.” you answered with your eyes locked on the floor, you were unable to look him in the face. Your head was spinning, you couldn't forget all those scornful looks in the hallway.

He grabbed you by the chin and lifted it forcing you to look at him. "And I hate you.” he said in a deep voice. “I hate your indifferent face every time we meet, the way you smile at all your friends.” You got goose bumps but trying not to be intimidated you answered "If I didn't know you, I'd say you have feelings for me..." you tilted your head with innocence and a wide smile on your face. You weren't going to let Malfoy have all the control of the situation, if he wanted to play dirty you also knew. The blond boy looked at you in surprise, you had left him speechless. Point for you. But he seemed to recover immediately, clinging to your hips, and trapping you against the nearest wall, his head rising to your height, and your faces just a few inches away. “You've always been very smart.” he sighed on your neck, making you turn your head to the side leaving even more bare skin in sight. He deposited a quick kiss in the crack of your neck "What about you? he started to play with a strand of your hair. Your head was full of Malfoy, your legs were shaking and since he had cornered you against that wall you were unable to add two plus two. Everything seemed like a dream. A dirty one, but with Draco it couldn't be any other way. You managed to hear his question, he wanted to know how you felt even if he had not spoken, not verbally. “I'd say it's a tie.” you almost moaned when he pulled up your skirt caressing your thighs. He rested his forehead on yours, enraptured by your half-open mouth, your watery eyes and your heavy breath. “What do you say if we try to break the tie? '' he smiled “You and me at the Yule Ball.”

You smiled at him. “Deal.” you whispered, taking him by his tie to press his lips against you in a hungry kiss. He took advantage immediately and did not hold back. You melted in his embrace and bit his lower lip when you felt his hard bulge against your centre.

Who would have thought it? You had a date.

FRANNY CHOI