Nobody Actually Cares. They Just Want You To Take Your Meds And Shut Up.

this has probably been talked about before but damnit i want to see more of the death note characters struggle.

i want to see light flinching at fireworks and his father's touch after the faked execution. i want to see him habitually turning to an empty chair, picking up a tennis racket, absentmindedly making tooth-rotting coffee before he realises L isn't there anymore.

i want to see misa installing multiple locks on her door after her parents' murders, making multiple trips at night just to check the doors are locked. after she gets married to light, i want her to complain to the empty air, to say a hasty goodnight before realising that no-one is there to listen any longer.

i want to see kid L staying up late alone, face lit by a computer screen. i want to see him before his death: i want to see his last moments with the man who raised him, his last night with the only one who understood him, him knowing that death's finally starting to catch up.

i want to see near trying to live up to the title of L. i want to see him staying up more at night, dropping sugar cubes in his tea even though he knows it's stupid.

i want to see mello digging his nails into his skin, chugging energy drinks, just to stay up and study for a little while longer. i want to see him doing anything to win and regretting it later on when he's alone. i want to see him keeping matt's goggles in his pocket after his death.

i want to see matt blaming himself after he sees mello spiral, maybe even blaming L and purposely scoring lower on his tests so he won't become the next L. i want to see matt choosing to follow mello out of the orphanage anyway and them having a big argument about it because mello didn't want matt to have to sacrifice everything he'd known for him.

i want to see kid sayu trying her best to live up to her brother's image, trying to be 'the smart one' because that's what light was and so she figures that's what she has to be, too.

i want to see sachiko, after her son's and husband's death, make a portion large enough for four, set a table for four and leave the door open every day at nine until she realises no-one is going to come home.

okay so i know that death note is an action-centered anime and having things like these would slow down the plot and maybe bore the readers. but i also think that all these show their humanity and also is part of the problem that light and L both show the readers: sometimes you get so caught up in the game, in the thrill of it all, that you forget the pawns you're playing with are not plastic pieces but real, living human beings.

basically

taking antipsychotics is just parkinsons simulator

ok

So I’ve been thinking a lot about the popularity of Matt as a character, which is something that is met with a lot of ??? by those in the fandom who aren’t matt/mello shippers or generally don’t like the second arc of DN (which is… reasonable in and of itself but not something I’m gonna get into atm). And I think that most of the Matt love comes from an initial love of/identification with Mello. Mello on his own is kind of a tough sell - he’s a vain, selfish, manipulative, murdering asshole - he’s insecure, gaudy, self-loathing, and can’t control his emotions. Which, like other than the murder part, there’s a lot going on here to see myself in, whether I want to or not. And that’s where Matt comes in.

Ohba made Matt specifically to give someone for Mello to bounce dialogue off of, and though I’m sure this was done as a throw-away thing, Matt as a sounding board for Mello as a character is something that extends into fandom as well. I’d say that it was that tiny act of establishing Matt as a Wammy’s kid in HtR13 that really did it though, as it establishes a past between the two and mobilizes a dozen drawable conclusions about their relationship. Suddenly we have this character who canonically knows Mello from childhood, and thus can be understood to readily know what a crap person Mello is, but chooses to be a part of Mello’s life/weirdo anti-kira operation even after all these years. Is this loyalty? Friendship? Love? Boredom? Who is this ride-or-die kid in a stupid furry vest?? Whatever way you spin it, Matt is a character who puts up with Mello and his bullshit, and coupled with the blank slate of knowing literally nothing else about him, he’s the perfect projection ground for wish fulfillment/validation. Mello represents a lot aspects we hate about ourselves (don’t even get me started on the queer coding) but Matt redeems him. Matt as established in fanon (and squint-and-you’ll-miss-it in canon) says you’re still lovable! You are worth sticking by and coming home to! Mello’s kind of scary to identify so fiercely with but Matt makes it safer and softer and draws the poison from it.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk

i love the fact that toby canonically has bipolar disorder and schizophrenia (schizoaffective disorder)

i finally have a character to project my mental illness onto

(I'm just foolishly joking)

...

(it looked funnier in my head)

(possibly a bad translation)

i dont need antipsychotics i need adderall ritalin and klonopin

average mattmello interaction

Y'know the drill, more memes :3

DXMmaxxing to hopefully give myself more brain damage