Obsessed With Pre-Enterprise Kirk Being "grim And Bookish". We Have A Canon Back Story Of Him Ruining

there's something about the way that derek hasn't been fought for, not in a long time.

laura was fiery. she held just as much anger as he did, but she didn't use it as an anchor — she used it to be a better person. all throughout new york, she was there, beside him, helping him get out of bed, helping with the only schoolwork he'd had, introducing him to new things. stitching him back together after he'd been torn apart by kate argent's hands, after their hearts were ripped out of their chest, after the loss of pack, family.

she was the last person who'd fought for him, claws out the moment she suspected he was in danger, telling him she needed him, that he couldn't leave, that she would be there for him until her very last breath. in all fairness, they were halves to a whole; he did the same thing for her, because they're twins.

but then, right when things were okay, he'd come home to yet another tragedy. his sister buried, mangled in half.

and suddenly, there was no one left, nobody there to fight for him. nobody who'd look him in the eyes, tell him it was alright, that they need him, that he's not going to be like this, live like this, his entire life. it went like that for months.

only for him to eventually be seen as a monster, by teenagers he'd only been trying to help, even if it was misguided, even if he'd made mistakes. he scared people, he ruined things. derek would see their fear, and think it must only be right. he's a disaster.

and then, his uncle, who he'd looked up to as a child, who he'd loved and trusted and felt guilty for, because derek'd led him to burnt remains, had turned around and murdered their own flesh and blood. in reckless want of a power he'd thought unlimited; when in reality it was fickle, finite.

even still, he's the one who's considered a monster when his eyes become red. when he wants to help people, when he sees teenagers that are in bad situations, who've been dealt a bad hand, he's a monster. he's the one hurting them.

he loves them, because they're pack, but at some point, he knows that the people around him have a point. that it was born out of loneliness, out of longing for a family he'd lost at freshly sixteen.

and suddenly they're not fighting for him, but they're scared, and hurt, and all they've ever wanted is to be happy, to live a normal life, derek. you've made them just like you, haven't you?

derek doesn't think he deserves to be fought for, to be loved, anymore. not when it comes at the expense of his pack, when it means tearing lives apart. so, he does what he does best — he hides, shuts himself down. he thinks this is it. this is his fault, and he's ruined every person he ever loved, and his family is gone, and it must be fate that derek hale is the one who leads you to certain death.

but then, just when it's at it's worst, there's stiles.

stiles, who had made it clear that he doesn't consider werewolves an abomination. him, an abomination. stiles, who'd time and time again, save derek's life, save him from drowning both literally, metaphorically; stiles, who risks everything just to bring derek out alive, stiles, who puts a hand on his shoulder when he needs it.

stiles, who will crack jokes until he knows derek is laughing along, who doesn't mind derek's exterior but instead welcomes it. stiles, who stood up for him every chance he'd gotten, who knew that derek hale was not a monster, but a kid who'd been hurt and scarred, and payed for it nearly every day of his life. stiles, who saw derek, and never once went off track, never once stopped trying to understand him.

stiles, who'd fought for derek, tooth and nail, who made him stay.

and derek is scared. so, incredibly scared. but stiles looks at him, and sees the world on his shoulders, and says, "i'll help carry the weight."

stiles looks at him, and he says, "i love you, and i need you, i want you here. so please, stay." and derek is relieved when there's no blip in his heartbeat, when he knows that stiles means it.

The Mentally Ill Checklist of Why Do I Feel Bad

1. Look at your pill organizer. Did you take last night’s pills? That’s why.

2. Did you get a full night’s sleep last night? No. That’s why. Get some melatonin and Sleepytime Tea and knock yourself out. A 90 minute nap will unfuck you. 

3. Did you eat? That’s why. Carbs even me out the quickest, then I eat something with fiber and protein. Ideally I also eat a fruit or vegetable. 

4. Has your behavior seemed more disordered lately? Time to call your med doctor. You might need a lithium level or a med adjustment.

5. Have you been dealing with more stress or overworking at school or work? That’s why. Work on a list of coping mechanisms during this time. Breathing, self care, cooking meals, full nights sleep, media distractions, venting to a friend, group therapy or support groups, mindful meditation, grounding exercises. Take a ten minute break to sit in the hallway outside your workstation and relax your breathing. Don’t self judge. It’s going to be okay.

6. Do you have a uterus? Has it been 25-35 days? That’s why. 

7. Have you been consuming an unusual amount of caffeine, sugar, drugs, or alcohol? That’s why.

8. Have you noticed psychotic symptoms getting worse? For me, this means obsessing over my zodiac, the radio, spotify playlists, and social media for hidden signs. It’s referential delusions. When things start to feel too “spooky”, I challenge those thoughts by asking how logical they are. 

9. Have you made yourself unhappy by looking at your triggers? That’s why. Self control is an art form.

10. Are you judging yourself for your coping mechanisms? We’re all out here trying to survive. Unhealthy coping mechanisms are coping mechanism that are hurting you. Excessive use of coping mechanisms is what is bad. Spending A LITTLE money or eating A LITTLE junk food or having ONE DRINK is okay. You don’t have to call yourself fat as some sort of self shaming ritual every time you relapse and eat some Doritos. Even if you’re already fat. You gotta say to yourself “Is this that dangerous? Is this becoming a bad habit? Is this a big deal?” If not, do you what you need to do. 

11. Are you ruminating a lot before bed and during your idle time? Ask yourself “Is this thought helping me or ruining my mood?” Allow yourself a little time, but too much world-building or catastrophizing or fetishizing the past is bad. Recognize when you’re doing it.

12. Have you felt unloved or ignored by your friends? Reach out to them yourself. Call in your B list friends if you need to. Yeah we all have those friends, and they might be happy to hear from you. Worst case scenario, call the Suicide Hotline. 

13. Are you spending a lot of time hating on other people or fixating on conflicts in your personal life? Is this actually helping you? Release that anger. Find a way to channel it into something. Angrily walk around the block. Rage clean your house. There is a recycling plant in my town that has a big glass bottle sorting area. Throwing glass as hard as I can into a big pit? Bliss. 

14. Spend your money on something healthy instead of the BS. I love spending money on dumb shit and I will buy the whole mall if the check allows it. But my car needed front wheels. And gas. And I needed to mealprep. My cat needed vitamins. I need Therapy to keep myself healthy. Even putting a chapstick in your car when you constantly need it and forget to get one will elevate your life. Where are you spending that money? What’s going to protect you? 

15. Are you feeling disconnected from the world and other people? Go to the library, turn off your phone, and just look around. Let it be a quiet time. 

(okay to reblog and add your own)

*to the tune of that one song* hello bandage my old friend

✨ daily reminder that triggering urself on purpose might help if supplemented properly with therapies or whatever, but searching up triggering things on hellsite.com is not therapy ✨

I ended up talking about and being reminded of some pretty fucked up things that happened to me as a kid a lot over the weekend while camping w my partner and their family, which is not helping me stay ✨in the moment✨ lol

Here to make you smile

"Are you on drugs?" Clawing fingers pulling at my eyelids, just checking. "I'm serious, are you on drugs?"

I wish.

Reblog this to prove your blog was made before the February 2022 tumblr resurgence

something that might be hard to grasp is that. physically disabled people can do everything "right", follow all the recommended programs from doctors and medical practitioners and lose weight and do this exercise and that diet and this and that and they still can stay disabled. they still can get worse.

and it's imperative to understand that. doing things this way can be soul crushing. it's difficult, if not impossible for some people. and many people will not be able to do things "right" and will stay disabled or get worse. some people might, accidentally or on purpose, make their disability worse themselves. and those people don't deserve to be disabled any more than people who you think doesn't.

we cannot, cannot assign a moral value to disability. disability isn't a punishment for doing right or wrong. it is not a judgement. there is no moral value associated with being disabled.

people you find wonderful will be disabled. people who you think suck will be physically disabled. people who had no pre-existing condition, who did everything "right" and were healthy before will be disabled. people who had absolutely no means to change their lifestyle, because of poverty or location or some systematic issue, will be disabled. and people will be disabled as a direct result of their choices.

none of that, absolutely none of it, is an indication of whether that person "deserves" to be disabled or not. none of it is a reflection of their moral character. disability is simply a neutral fact of life.

You ever think about how normal you must look from the outside, sitting on your phone and scrolling or texting people or whatever, but inside the little voice in your head is screaming at you to get up and do something, anything, productive but you just cant