Late Night Thoughts.

Monday blues.

It's Gonna Be Alright.

Tick tock. This year is just zooming past. I wonder if I’ll ever get a chance to just stop and enjoy it.

It’s been stressful but I know I’m working towards something great. Something that I’ve been wanting. Something that I’ve been needing. Something that’s just for me. Nobody else.

So although the road is long and trying, I know I’ll eventually be alright. Thank you to those who stuck beside me, supporting me. Special thanks to those who didn’t just give up on me, and hung on to me as a friend, because they could see the potential in me. Thank you.

Patience.

Patience was never a virtue I thought I had. I mean sure, I have enough patience to wait for my Amazon package to arrive or the will power to not open a Christmas present early. But waiting for things to change, for things to change in my current life’s state, is difficult.

Waiting for that kind of change is so hard. You work towards the change to the best of your ability, but there is no end date or estimated time of arrival. With Amazon packages, you have tracking notifications. With Christmas presents, you know it occurs on the same day every year. But with life, no one knows. The only think I know is I’m still trying and I’m trying to make progress.

But how far I’m getting, how much closer I am, I wish I knew.

Disappointment.

You aren't human if you haven't come across disappointment in your life at least one or a few times. Even though you prepare yourself for the worst, you still hope it didn't end up that way. You prayed and searched for that sliver of hope, only to be as elusive as that sliver you were hoping for. But don't give up just yet. Disappointment is temporary. If it matters, you can always go back and try again. If not, you put it behind you and move on. The choice is yours. Ready to move forward now?

Distance.

Sometimes you have to distance yourself from someone, to provide them the space they need. This space – you thought it was what they deserved.

So you wait. And wait.

But you also long to hear from them. For things to be okay again. For everything to go back to the way it was.

But at this point in time, it hasn’t. And it kills you. And it’s your fault.

Can’t you hear my thoughts? I wish I could hear yours. To see if I even cross your mind.

I know you crossed my mind a million times today.

Sorry.

I'm one of those people that is guilty for over-apologizing. "Sorry, I'm in your way." "Sorry, you dropped that because I distracted you." Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. To me, a sorry doesn't cost a lot and is something I don't mind giving out. However, there comes a time when you realize that the word "sorry" doesn't solve everything and that the other person truly doesn't deserve that word. Instead, I end up feeling sorry still for the other person, who is unable to see their mistakes and move past it. Just because I won't apologize doesn't mean I'm still lingering over it. Often, it means I don't care. If I've moved past it, what's keeping you from doing so at all? And so I end up feeling sorry after all. Oh, the irony.

Heights and Falling.

I never minded heights. I love roller coasters and high top views. Seeing everything from a new point of view. But falling... Afraid of falling from that high point. Afraid of falling in love. Afraid of getting off that high that I get from you. And so I refuse to fall in love.

Hardship.

They say life becomes richer after hardship, that you get tougher, your heart grows stronger.

But what if I don’t feel those things?

I’m just grateful to have survived that hardship. But I’m still trying to figure out the lesson that hardship presented. Why did I have to go through that? How have I grown from it? Am I tougher or just more guarded now? Is my heart stronger or more wounded?

Why, hello there!

My first post! Hmm, what to say? 

I got nothing... Just hello! Nice to meet you! Whoever that’s reading this, that is. 

So delicious.