It's Gonna Be Alright.

Thousands of Times.

I think you’ve crossed my minds thousands of times today. I won’t say millions because I try my best not to think of you. It’s like my security blanket got ripped away. From spending all day talking with you, knowing everything about you, what you’re doing, what you’re feeling... to nothing.

I guess we’re strangers now.

All that’s left is just a feeling of loneliness.

Of extreme sadness.

Who do I turn to now?

Gut Feelings.

You should always trust your gut feelings. Know when something is up and is not right. Your gut is a good indicator that something is wrong for you. Your gut is like your mom and she knows best. That pit feeling is a sign that you shouldn't go through with it. So why not listen to it? Why do you keep making the same mistakes? Over and over? When will you ever learn?

Thankful.

Today I woke up. I woke up in a warm bed, had a warm shower, had a delicious cup of coffee, had a good car help me get to work. All those might not seem luxurious, but it might be considered a luxury to some others out there. It's a blessing to wake up breathing and living healthy. It's a blessing to know that you have a full day ahead of you, and that it's not your last. It's a blessing to have a job to go to, to have an income. It's a blessing to anticipate the next day. So even though the day may have been hard, it's only a few hours away from tomorrow. If tomorrow isn't great either, then hey, there's always the weekend!

A haiku for you.

Once upon a time

You left but I still stayed here

I miss you so much.

Uncontrollable.

There are just certain aspects in your life that you simply can't control. You can't really control who walks into your life, and sometimes you can't control who walks out of your life. Unexpected events that can occur can break your normal routine as well. Some of these events can turn into blessings while some other events are still taking time for recovery. Emotions. Sometimes it's hard to control them as well. You get angry, you get sad, you are elated, you're in love. So many emotions come and go repeatedly throughout our lives. Hopefully someday we'll have it all figured out. Until then, I'll stumble and fall as I find my way. Bruises and nightblindness and all.

Sometimes when you're up so high, you can feel so small.

Being strong.

Always putting on a front.

Staying busy.

Keeping my mind occupied.

With anything.

To avoid thoughts of you.

To avoid thoughts of the past.

What’s done is done.

It is what it is.

So why can’t I move on already?

Sorry.

I'm one of those people that is guilty for over-apologizing. "Sorry, I'm in your way." "Sorry, you dropped that because I distracted you." Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. To me, a sorry doesn't cost a lot and is something I don't mind giving out. However, there comes a time when you realize that the word "sorry" doesn't solve everything and that the other person truly doesn't deserve that word. Instead, I end up feeling sorry still for the other person, who is unable to see their mistakes and move past it. Just because I won't apologize doesn't mean I'm still lingering over it. Often, it means I don't care. If I've moved past it, what's keeping you from doing so at all? And so I end up feeling sorry after all. Oh, the irony.

Unsaid.

Some things are just better left unsaid. I’ve never been good with words, especially on the spot. I usually take my time to think about what I want to say and sometimes it takes me a while to respond.

But sometimes, there’s no point in saying anything more. If it’s not going to change anything or fix the problem, why say more and possibly bring more hurt? The trust has already been broken, wounds already inflicted. We can’t go back and change the past. Some mistakes you can fix, some you can’t. Forgiveness is one thing, but forgetting is another thing altogether.

So I’ll just leave it as it is.