It's A Pretty Sweet Headcanon That Bruce Has Photos Of His Kids That He Keeps With Him At All Times,

Gotham Gazette official photo~

Tim seems like the type to have a Snapchat story dedicated to his crashouts

He frequently posts videos of himself yelling about the idiots he encounters in his daily life, and people live for it.

Tim, in his car: I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF BAD DRIVERS! IF YOU WANT TO DRIVE LIKE A PRE-SCHOOLER, THEN PULL UP IN THE LITTLE TYKES COZY COUPE, MOTHERFUCKER. I AM TWO SECONDS AWAY FROM REAR-ENDING YOU! AT LEAST THEN YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO GO THE FUCKING SPEED LIMIT

Tim, barely visible and whisper-shouting in a dark closet: If I have to deal with Lex Motherfucking Luthor one more time I might just have to commit a felony about it. Because what do you mean you "aren't familiar" with our DEI policy outline???? We've been doing business for years????? We've had this EXACT CONVERSATION, like, TEN TIMES--

Tim, not even bothering to find an empty room: I should have stayed an only child.

Dick’s voice offscreen: Huh?

Tim, deadpan: The only good outcome of having siblings is that if they threaten to kill me, I might actually get a fucking break —— assuming they can grow a spine long enough to actually make good on their threats, that is.

Dick, in the background: C’mon, Tim you guys just quit fighting— Damian, stop- DAMIAN

Damian, now in frame, making a spirited attempt to free himself from the upside-down hold he has been wrangled into by attacking Dick’s ankles: I only wish to give him what he wants, Richard!

Dick: No, Dami, what did we say about- STOP BITING ME

Tim, staring deadpan at the camera while the others fight behind him: I have never envied Jason Todd more in my life

“I don’t know gang…”

“C’mon, you can’t leave us hanging!”

“Yeah, you’ll love camping!”

“I love plumbing. And a mattress.”

“The cabin overlooking the clearing has showers and everything, and plus, if it gets really bad we can just hole up in there for a while. It’s got three floors!”

“Really? That’s quite a lot for a camping cabin.”

“Yeah! The basement, the main floor and the attic!”

“…Excuse me?”

“What?”

“You booked a cabin in the middle of the woods with a basement and an attic?”

“Technically we can’t go into the basement, it’s like super locked.”

“Which means?”

“In the pictures there are three locked chains on the door, see?”

“THERE’S ALSO A FUCKING HAND REACHING THROUGH THE GAP UNDERNEATH?!”

“No, I’m pretty sure that’s just a trick of the light. Or the decor. It’s really gothic.”

“Gothic?! Yeah no pass your phone, I want to- gargoyles. Hunting trophies. Why not. Did you even- IS THAT A CLOWN STATUE?”

“Relax, it does a side gig as a venue for haunted houses. That’s probably where the hand came from: Halloween decorations.”

“…And nothing about this is giving you a red flag?”

“Ok, seriously, relax, you are so dramatic, it’s probably wine not an actual bloodstain-“

“I didn’t see a bloodstain?!”

“Oh see it’s right there next to the fireplace with the axes above the mantle.”

“Just no.”

“Hey folks, I did check the weather and it will be heavy storms so we’ll just have to tough it- what’s up with Red?”

“They are weirded out by the log cabin.”

“CLOWN STATUE. BLOODSTAIN. LOCKED BASEMENT. What does the attic also have to be a meat locker for you to give this idea any thought?”

“It says the owners only kept the meat cleavers after they refurbished it.”

“Ooo, that’s why it’s so spacious, old farmhouse.”

“Right? It’s so rustic!”

“We’re going to die.”

“Look Red, we don’t want to go on this without you. It’s only last freedom before uni, right?”

“If you say we’re out, we’re out.”

“I’m sorry, but it really gives me a bad feeling.”

“No that’s perfectly ok. You’re not happy, none of us are happy.”

“Tell me the deposit wasn’t non-refundable.”

“It’s fine, we got it for dirt cheap, this flyer showed up through the door and the number we called practically gave it to us for free.”

“It’s going to be tricky finding somewhere that cheap again. And when we booked it in person, the lady was so nice, she even gave us this cool themed skull key for the door!”

“Oh! I got an ad for an old castle that needs house-sitting! They’ll even pay us to be there and it looks really nice, and it needs a minimum of five people and we fit perfectly.”

“Let’s see?”

“I love those paintings in the hall, so lifelike. Skilled artists, you guys.”

“None of you are allowed to make decisions anymore. I pick where we go next.”

getting horror movie vibes from the trip your friends were planning, you decided to simply stay home.

there was a point in Gotham where the nightlife dynamics got really weird because one of the batkid’s came up with the game ‘rogue Pokémon’ where whenever there was a multiple-rogue outbreak they would all split up and find a rogue to choose as their own, and then while fighting them they’d subtly heard them towards one of the other batkids and their chosen rogue, and then they’d manipulate the rogues into fighting each other while they stood to the side and yelled fighting techniques like Pokémon trainers, and eventually the rogues started teaming up with Batman to make them stop playing it because it was making them feel objectified and demeaned.

the game came to a natural conclusion when the Joker broke out specifically because he thought it would be fun to be one of the Pokémon used by the batkids, except when he made himself known to Red Hood Jason just shot him point blank in the skull and said it was the rogue Pokémon equivalent of using a masterball on him.

the batkids are banned from creating their own games.

Destroy all the bots, except for the haiku bot. That one gets to stay

I’ve made a few posts about wanting a fic from the pov of the fbi agents that have to monitor the party but I think it’s really funny if Steve is the only one that realizes they’re being spied on.

Steve is over here telling The Party that their phone lines are tapped and the feds are pretending to be their teachers, while the FBI is sweating bullets in an electric company van outside because they can’t figure out what’s giving them away.

Superman is left in the batcave on Robin-sitting duty for the day.

The batkids, (Let's say they're all fairly young and close to age for the sake of this) start to get restless pretty quickly so Clark proposes playing a game.

Hide and seek seem harmless enough. Not too physical, they can't get out of the batcave unauthorized and Clark can just locate them with his super powers if needed.

The first problem is that Cass and Damian don't know how to play. Clark tries to answer their questions 'Is it like a tressure hunt?' 'What are we hiding?' but the other kids start trying to explain and soon everyone is just shouting. Clark raises his voice and goes "Listen! The only rule is you hide and don't let me find you, okay?"

The kids all turn to look at Superman with huge glinting eyes. He ask if there's any questions and they all shake their heads no, and so Clark finally turns around and starts counting down from 100...

The first thing the kids do is grab some Kryptonite along with lead reinforced clothes. Hacking the doors and getting out of the cave is child's play. By the time Clark gets to "Cero! Ready or not here I come!" half of them already left the manor.

Tim and Cass decide to stay close to the enemy, hiding in the air conducts and old passages of the manor. They get to watch the exact moment Clark realizes, 30 minutes in, that he can't find them.

Jason and Stephanie go the disguises route. They stay in Gotham where they're already familiar with life in the streets, blending in and disappearing.

Duke and Damian take Goliath and fly to Dinosaur Island. Mostly because Duke has never been and is exited about the dinosaurs, and Damian likes animals. Also the dinosaurs will distract Superman if he comes too close.

Dick goes... Well he doesn't know where to go. Honestly, after the first 3 hours of walking around he gets pretty bored. Clark has been flying from one side of the country to the other for ages and hasn't even come close to finding him once.

So Dick goes looking for Bruce instead. He's not doing anything, he might as well help Batman kick some.

That's how Batman turns around mid-fight expecting to find another goon only to see his 9 year old son who was supposed to be at the other side of the planet with his siblings. As an explanation Dick says "Superman is Superbad at hide and seek".

Clark never babysits again.

bruce and some little birds

part 2

Steve is the very supportive “ally”

Reverse of this post.

That kind of situation where Steve is the very supportive “ally” and totally knows Eddie is gay. And Steve, bless his heart, just really, really wants Eddie to feel safe—so he does everything he can to show he’s cool with it.

And he’s absolutely, completely, mind-blowingly unaware that he’s been dating Eddie Munson for years.

1986: Steve: “You’ve never been on a date with a guy? No worries, man—I’m technically a guy. I’ll go with you.” Eddie, blinking: “…Okay?”

1986: Steve: “You’ve never kissed a guy? That’s fine, it’s kinda like this…” Eddie, stunned: That was not ‘kind of like’—that was a kiss. That was a real, good kiss. Oh my God.

1987: Steve: “Sex? Uh—I think it’s totally normal! I can, like, show you a few things? I mean, if you want…” Eddie, halfway to cardiac arrest: Am I hallucinating? Is this happening? Is this real life?

1987: Steve: “Yeah, Robin and I are moving. You’re coming with us, obviously.” Eddie: “…Obviously.” Robin in the background, sipping her coffee, watching Steve like he’s a very slow-burn romance novel character.

1988: Steve: “Hey, by the way—you should list me as your emergency contact. I mean, we live together, and Wayne’s kinda far. If something happens, I’m the guy they’d call anyway.”

Eddie, looking at the form in his hands: “…Okay. Sure. My emergency boyfriend. Got it.” Steve: “What? So... Cool!”

1995: Steve: “So, uh… Robin’s officially moved in with her girlfriend. It’s just you and me now.” (pause) “You wanna maybe buy the place? Together? Like, co-own it. Makes sense, right?” Eddie, deadpan: “You’re asking me to buy a house with you.” Steve: “Yeah. It’s practical.” Eddie: “Right. Extremely platonic mortgage.” Steve: “Exactly!” Eddie, muttering: “I’m gonna put that on a t-shirt.”

1997: Steve: “We’ve lived together for, what, ten years? I’ll help you adopt. Co-parenting’s way easier than going solo.” Eddie: “Co… parenting?” Steve: “Yeah.” Eddie, whispering into the void: Dear God, give me strength. I didn't even say that I wanted a child.

2004: Steve: “Of course I’ll marry you if you need to make it official for paperwork or whatever—wait.” (pause) “…May be you want do it with someone you love?”

Eddie, deadpan: “Sweetheart. We share a bed. We have a joint bank account. We have a child. You kissed me goodbye this morning and told me not to forget your lunch.”

Steve: “Yeah, but… I do that with Robin too.”

Eddie: “You don’t kiss Robin on the mouth, Stevie. Any kids with someone? Sex?”

Steve, indignant: "Of course not!" Steve, understanding: "Of course not…"

Steve, slowly blinking: “…Holy shit. I’ve been dating you for, like, seventeen years.”

Eddie, grinning: “Welcome to the relationship, babe. Glad you could join us.”

Steve: “Do we have an anniversary?” Eddie: “We have four. You’ve missed them all.” Steve: “Well now I feel like a terrible boyfriend.” Eddie: “You just agreed to be my husband, technically.” Steve: “Oh my God.” Eddie: “I’ll make you a timeline later.” Steve: “Please do.”