Genuinely How It Feels To See The Random Haiku Bot On Posts

[Tim and Jason watching Dick as he fakes his death for a mission]

Tim: Man, he really is peak pretty boy

Jason: Right? Like, stop serving while you’re dying. It’s disrespectful.

Tim: For real, like, at least YOU had your priorities straight.

Jason: Exactly, I—

Jason:

Jason: Now hold up just a second—

Tim: I mean, you looked like shit when you died

Jason: THE FUCK, TIM????

Up and coming metal artist Eddie Munson covers his favorite song by queer pop icon Steve Harrington, who he's lowkey obsessed with, even if he loses a bit of cred for liking a few basic bitch songs.

Steve Harrington-- VERY aware of Corroded Coffin's extremely sexy frontman, all thanks to his little brother Dustin dragging him to a shitty bar in their hometown to listen to screaming songs about dragons and wizards-- who in turn covers one of Eddie's songs and posts it to his socials.

Cue Eddie and Dustin having simultaneous aneurysms when Steve slides into Eddie's DMs and gets a response in milliseconds.

jason: you're so annoying.

dick: I love you too.

*later*

jason: fuck you.

dick: I love you too.

*even later*

jason: your face is dumb.

dick: I love you too.

*even later*

jason: ... I love you.

dick: *stares*

dick: are you sICK WHAT'S WRONG IS THE WORLD ENDING BRUCE GET IN HERE SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH JASON—

literally 😭💚

I LOV MURDER MYSTERY ON TRAIN

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Batman isn’t the only one fiercely protective of his Robins.

Jason’s death led to the Rogues turning against the Joker—especially Harley. By then, she had already realized the extent of his abuse and had left him. So when she learned that her favorite Robin—a tough Crime Alley kid—had been beaten to death by her ex the first time she wasn’t around, she went ballistic.

Once, a newcomer held Nightwing at gunpoint and tried to unmask him on live television. When Harvey Dent saw how close this was to his own hideout, he knew he couldn’t let it slide. He wasn’t blind or foolish—he knew exactly who Nightwing was. The first Robin. A ray of sunshine—badass yet kind. Harvey took only a second to recall how that same little Robin had once helped him through a dissociative episode, choosing to assist rather than arrest him. And that was enough. The newcomer was never seen again.

As much as Damian disliked how close Catwoman was to his father, Selina adored the little kitten. He was honest, fierce, and compassionate in his own way. She loved that he shared her fondness for cats and animals. So when the shelter Damian volunteered at was attacked by Black Mask’s goons, Selina made sure that by the end of the month, Roman wouldn’t have a single piece of art left in his collection.

Eddie could hardly deny that his favorite Robin was the third one. After all, that particular little bird not only respected him as the Riddler but could also solve all his riddles effortlessly. So when a few goons rudely barged into their monthly riddle session, Eddie was not amused. He made sure they knew it.

Consider this your warning: Do not harm the Robins. Unless, of course, you fancy some trouble with the Rogues.

Maybe there’s someone in this abandoned clown factory who can help us

The video starts with the view of an open fridge door, and something shapeless even within the frame scrabbling around inside, before it abruptly shuts and the thing, surprised by the presence of the camera, jumps back in shock. The Void stares unblinking (you think, it doesn’t really have eyes but more clusters of stars brighter than the rest), holding a tower of various cheeses in its arms stacked to its head.

“Dude.” The Void remains still, its voice calm as the surprised expression begins to wear off. “We talked about this. You’ve got to knock it off with the whole documentary thing.”

The camera zooms in on on comets peaking out from behind cheddar that definitely went out of date last week. The Void takes a step back, towards the kitchen counter where biscuits and crackers are stacked, ready to be made. The camera follows.

“Dude.” The Void continues backing away. The camera follows. “Dude!” The hesitant steps become a steady walk backwards through the flat. “You promised you’d be cool about this whole roommate thing! Cmon!”

The Void, having reached the kitchen counter, sighs, and begins making its two am snack. The camera pushes closer and closer to its face.

“I swear, one more step!” The Void doesn’t turn towards the camera but holds up a cheese knife threateningly. The camera stabilises. The Void goes back to cutting cheese.

The camera slams into and squishes against where its face would be if it had a face.

“THAT’S IT!” The Void grabs a piece of Red Leicester and hurls it into the camera, which had began to sprint away backwards. The video ends.

“I have stared into the abyss not just long enough for it to stare back. But for it to get uncomfortable and ask me to stop”

Another picture of the BAT-family!!! Bruce will make them all fit under his wings if it’s the last thing he does.

we all know about the weirdly accurate running joke of Batman’s adoption problem

but I raise you

the infinitely funnier idea that All of the Bats are Like That

to the point where all of the teams have an “our bat has acquired a child, I repeat OUR BAT HAS ACQUIRED. A. CHILD!!” program

because if you give a Bat a baby you are not getting it back.

Nobody knows if the Bats actually know how social services work because they will just. Pick up. Kids. Everywhere.

even the Bats who might not want kids of their own are 300% down for a new sibling or nibling