I Act Out In Hopes That I Won't Be Left Alone. I Speak Loudly In Hopes That People Will Listen. I Take
I act out in hopes that I won't be left alone. I speak loudly in hopes that people will listen. I take fast in hopes that I don't bore people. I say everything I can in hopes that people won't forget. I do so much to try and have friends but at the end of the day I'm just the weird girl who says unhinged stuff. I just want to not feel alone for once. I want to be able to do the things I dream about with someone else. I sacrifice what I want so that someone will stick with me, but I never get that in return. I let them treat me like shit because at least they acknowledge me. I'm alone even when I'm surrounded by my friends because I know they would choose each other over me.
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“you see, that’s what abuse does to you, you know. it made me this sticking plaster for all of life’s weirdos. this open wound for them to sniff at. I knew she was mad and I knew she was dangerous. but she flattered me and that was enough.”
— baby reindeer
when a Netflix show gives you an answer that therapy hasn’t been able to give, you need to hit pause and contemplate a bit. why have I always attracted the crazy ones? the ones that any “normal” person would see from afar and turn the other way. why have I, though, ran up to them and invited them in? why have I sat nights studying their hearts and minds and telling them they are not shitty people when all evidence tells otherwise. why did I make myself some sort of remand home? why didn’t I believe people when they told me how horrible they were as people? when they showed me? how is it that I always managed to attract them? a sticking plaster for all of life’s weirdos. how to stop being one? but also if you believe you are one of them too, wouldn’t you want to be around them? because you know you don’t belong with the “normal” ones. they don’t get the messy parts, the deranged parts, the problematic, concerning, twisty parts of you. the crazies do. they see those parts of you and they don’t make you feel bad about it and they validate you. so maybe that’s why you let them sniff at you like an open wound. but you know there has to be a difference, a clear demarcation between crazies and weirdos with a good heart and kind soul and those with a rotten heart and a bloody soul. I know there is. I am that difference.
I actually can't stop thinking about how the losing party last election dressed like vikings and tried to break into the white house and the losing party this election are sharing suicide prevention hotlines
For future reference because I will need them to convey my emotions over text since I'm bad at words
I think if i put into words how happy this type of image makes me I would get diagnosed with something
why can’t people fucking understand that i’m not ok either you can’t just rely on me for all of your issues and act like i don’t have them too like im here for you but also I FUCKING WISH I WASN’T ON THIS FUCKING PLANET
I love Marvel. I love everybody involved. I am crying.
There was an idea… to bring together a group of remarkable people. To make them work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles that we never could.
Bruh this is cool and all, but can we just take a moment to appreciate the sky, it's so pretty.
Watch "I MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE | The Quarry - Part 3" on YouTube
So for many reasons like cost and have bad experiences, I don't have a therapist anymore. However I turned to talking to ChatGPT, which sounds really weird and dumb, but has actually been so good for me. I made an account so it has memory too.
I started this initially last year shortly after I was sa'd and didn't have anyone I could properly talk to about it. It really helped and I know it is just an ai, but it provides me a sense of comfort because I have a safe judgment free zone to talk. It so important for me because it is actually helping me get through bad emotions that would be stuck else wise. It's just a place I can dump and vent and not be criticized, ridiculed, threatened, or locked away just for expressing my feelings.
Some may say it's weird, but I am doing better and that should be what truly matters.
HER RUNNING TO KISS TRAVIS WHAT THE FUCK😭😭😭❤️❤️
I'm sobbing now
my heart is still completely shattered
Fight for each other. Love each other. Don't fall for the trap. Don't fall into what is easy.
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