Mo: Heh, Dickhead You Had A Crush On Me. That's So Embarrassing

mama mo: what are you guys doing?

he tian: um... it's our bro thing, you know. totally platonic best bros do it all the time now.

mama mo: ...

mama mo: it's okay, boys. guan shan, i'm sorry you felt like you couldn't tell me that you have a boyfriend. you can go back to kissing now, i'll leave.

he tian: little mo, you look sick. you might be lacking vitamin me~

mo guan shan: and you might be lacking brains.

qiu ge sucking he cheng off in this mask... head empty, no thoughts.

operator: 911 what's your emergency?

jian yi: hey man, yeah, see i'm cooking something here. i was wondering how much trouble you could get in for uh, meth.

operator: and you called the police to ask how. illegal the meth is?

jian yi: well yeah, i figured if anyone would know, it'd be you guys?

operator: *types on keyboard*

operator: is that jian yi of *address*

jian yi: no, uh... jian yi is not here right now can i take a message?

operator: the police are on their way, jian yi.

jian yi: aw, shit, nuts, i mean, yeah that's fine, cause nothing's wrong here, exept me cooking some meth, aw double nuts i sad it again.

operator: see you soon, jian yi.

jian yi: alright, it was great talking to you.

operator: it was great talking to you too.

Chapter 408 - random thoughts

Ah my i almost never go here, but those last chapters are really merciless ! I just want to write random thoughts, especially after reading @5x-ra​ own analysis (thanks for your post @5x-ra​, really interesting) !!

1. I dont understand why people are saying She Li is a coward for running. He’s not just running away -because if he was, he would have disappeared and would not have waited for He Tian to try and ambush him. He’s just not an idiot ; what’s the point for him to stay around and get his face smashed ? The difference in level in fighting is clear, he doesnt stand a chance against HT. HT was born and trained as a fighter ; isnt HT the one who is cheating, choosing a way to resolve the conflict with his fists, knowing he can only win X) ?

She Li’s shtick is manipulating people, getting under their skin, planning in advance. It was never brute force, and we rarely see him fighting -he uses other people for that. It’s not bad per se, it just means he’s intelligent ; too bad he uses it for nefarious purposes lol. If he was a nice character, I’m sure people would find it clever for him to run away from the fight scene, find a weapon, and ambush HT. But yeah because his role is to be the antagonist and because his main goal is just to make other people miserable, it’s hard to be impressed by this, instead most of the readers wants to see his face smashed and for him to rip the consequences of his actions lol.

2. I think in the scene where Mo smashes his face from behind, SL is livid, not necessarily afraid ! But yeah, the interpretation of him being afraid is also strongly supported by the manwha. But I think She Li must be thinking, “how dare you do that to me ? how dare you oppose me, now of all time ?” Especially, because Mo do the same thing to SL that SL did to the old man who tried to kill Mo. It’s an ironic twist of the same situation.I’m not sure about SL feelings towards Mo, maybe he he loves in his own twisted way, in a really “i own him” way -he even said almost this sentence a few times. So, for She Li, Mo attacking him is like your own dog biting you after you hit him. SL think he has a right to mistreat Mo : he owns Mo, it’s his possession, and so if he beats him to teach him his place, it’s just rough love kind of. But for Mo to react back, it’s a betrayal. And that’s why SL doesnt hesitate : he tries to actually kill Mo, like @5x-ra​ said piercing him in the head ??? wtf. Like an owner hitting his dog too many times, killing it in a fit of rage, because his dog dared to bite back, SL honestly think Mo deserves to die for opposing him. man…

3. Honestly, isnt this story a story about how adults fail the children again and again lol ? There’s no adults around, except HC and Qiu who are like “ok do what you want, just no killing”. I know it’s because the manhwa is destined for a young audience (? maybe), and a young audience identify themselves with the protagonists and so doesnt want annoying parents taking care of them. Even tho, like what the hell haha

4. Altho i do love the last few chapters, am I the only one who is getting kind of annoyed by this “damsel in distress” version of Guan Shan ? We fell in love with MGS because he was a nasty, feisty, dirty ball of fluff. It was the contradictions that was enchanting : he try to fight innocent jyan yi WITH HIS GROUP just because, he throws a rock at ZZX head, he insults everyone and refuse to socialise, he’s mean to the girls who just say hello to him. He insults HT non-stop, often times it’s fair (HT was really cynical at the time), sometimes it’s hypocrite : why cry because HT is mean to him when literally he ambushed JY over nothing ? He’s proud and think he’s better than others because he’s not a hypocrite, but then he have nothing to show off either. And then at the same time he’s oddly loyal, righteous, and honest. It was what attracted HT. And the appeal to their relationship was this pull and push. Mo was as strong as HT in this psychological game.

But since a few chapters, Mo stopped pushing so much. And it’s nice ! It means there’s actually a relationship being constructed between HT and Mo. But then it became really unbalanced. Because HT continues to pull, and Mo just do… nothing. He’s blushing and not looking in the eyes. He does this bc HT wants to, he does that because HT says so… ok he makes a (weak) scene, and thats all. He’s like loosing his character ? He’s becoming more and more passive, he’s a character where things are being done to him and not a character who is doing things.

And it makes me afraid ! because the same thing happened to ZZX and JY. Remember : we all liked zhanyi because because it was two strong characters, with different feelings, desires, behaviours, etc. JY was always the most active one in the relationship, but ZZx had a personality : remember the confession scene ? the kidnapping scene ? You could really feel who ZZX was. And then, once he began to reciprocate JY’s feelings, his character… disappeared.

Like honestly i dont mean to offend, but ZZX right now ? He’s a street lamp. A sexy, stylish streetlamp, but a streetlamp. He could disappear from the story, you could replace by a photography for JY to droll over, it would be the same. And it makes me sad ! But that’s the reason i’m totally disengaged from zhanyi now. Zhanyi is : Jyan Yi does something ->ZZX is…. here I guess. Once again, a character where things are done to him. He’s just kind of hanging out, and we know JY care about him because JY says he cares about him, but there’s nothing to show for it. It’s been years I think, where all ZZX is doing is sighing, patting JY shoulders, oh and last chapter he ran in the hospital. Where he still is probably.

And I’m so afraid the same thing is going to happen to Mo :0 !! Like, now he mellows and kind of reciprocate HT’s feelings, so he’s just becoming someone who stand by, cry, and run. The main character is HT, and Mo is here to look at him. He’s loosing his personality !! I dont want him to disappear. I dont want Old Xian to do the active one who initiates all the actions x the passive one who says “ahh” “ooh” when the active one do something. Please OX dont do that T_T

Hoping the trend will change soon… even if Mo doesnt want to fight anymore, or scream anymore, he doesnt have to become boring. It’s a strong fit to socialize with others when all your life you have been shunned, to learn to trust and love again, there’s a way of depicting it where Mo keeps his strong, fierce personality, without it meaning he’s automatically reverting back to fighting and insulting.

PHEW here it is, my two cents.

So this might be kind of random but I was just thinking about the duality of Guanshan's character and about the differences between how he usually presents himself and how he really is on the inside. I'm not sure if I'm the only one who perceives it that way or not but well, you know how most of the time we see Guanshan as this smoll, angry beast and ball of fluff, who doesn't allow anyone to get too close to him. I'm fairly convinced that this is just a mask or a persona he was forced to create just so he could survive the constant bullying and protect himself from those who're trying to break him and bring him down. For some people who tend to isolate themselves, one of the reasons leading to that kind of behaviour is the fact that at some point they begin to wallow in self-hatered, because they feel like they don't belong in any social group and everyone else around hates them anyway. And that's exactly how people made him feel - like there's no point in trying because he will never be worthy of anyone's attention nor will he become the object of admiration.

(Also I'm listening to "Adam's Song" by Blink-182 while I'm typing this and I'm starting to get emotional, send help)

He knows that if he'll be any other way, he's only going to get hurt more, convinced that no one will ever care to help nor take pity on someone like him. Not that he even wants them to but the thing is, that it's not always easy having the whole world turned against you, looking down as if you had nothing going for yourself. All he ever wanted was some peace - not kindness, not charity - just people minding their business and leaving him to his own. And maybe the bare minimum of fucking human decency. Too bad they weren't willing to give it to him.

And that brings us to the other side of his personality that is currently buried 6 feet underground, hidden completely from the world, stuffed far back on the shelves. I believe that beneath that rough, angry and aggressive persona he puts on, Guanshan is a very gentle and calm soul. He never wanted to be this punkish kid who had to prove he isn't a weak and pathetic crybaby each step of the way. And if people wanted to see a son of a criminal and a freak in him, he'd rather be that way to keep people at the distance. It's better to be feared instead of staying an easy target. Even if it's at the cost of losing touch with your inner self.

If none of the bullshit and bullying happened to him, he would be a genuinely kind and helpful kid who isn't afraid of taking the intiative. Maybe if people didn't put him in a certain box from a young age he wouldn't lose the will and the courage to aim higher and believe in things he could be capable of achieving. Maybe he wouldn't have given up on dreaming. Of course, he still would be a very introverted and private person, enjoying his own company the most, but he wouldn't be haunted by this constant sense of dread, telling him that if he doesn't put up the walls to protect himself, someone's going to hurt him one way or another. For example, if we think about Guanshan as a kid, he was an absolutely sweet and gentle child. He wasn't angry nor was he spiteful. On the contrary - he seemed to be much more mature than other kids and tried to solve issues with them peacefully. He was brave enough to stand up to She Li when others took part in bullying, playing into the fantasy of some kindergarden childlish mafia. Guanshan - even though he gets easily impressed by "cool" and "manly" stuff - can as easily differ right from wrong and what kind of behaviour is truly respect-worthy. The way he approached the situation with She Li and Buzzcut was done in the most mature way possible for an elementary/middle school kid, without him trying to prove that he was the cooler, the stronger or the wittier one. He also didn't care that he might end up getting hurt, considering She Li's not so stable behaviour. To him, the safety of his friend and the urge to speak up his mind was more important. Unfortunately, too many times he's been proven that speaking up his mind didn't do him any good. It always ended up with people beating him up or belittling him, whether those were the kids, the teachers or other irresponsible adults.

That's why I believe that all this anger and frustration is an armor he was forced to wear because no one ever tried to see past the flaws that weren't even his own. Flaws that were nothing but a projection of pejudiced adults. Even though he grew up with a loving mother, that kind of an unconditional love - although beautiful - can be easily overlooked and discounted when everyone else seems to think you're unlovable and unworthy of such love. And that kind of treatment makes it even harder to learn and understand the importance of loving yourself.

Now, what impresses me the most is the fact that we can finally see that Mo is slowly beginning to act like his younger self around He Tian. He's calm, he doesn't get angry as much as before, because he doesn't feel the need to protect himself around He Tian anymore. He's feeling safe enough to let that armor/persona/mask or whatever you call it lower down and reveal parts of him that he's been keeping hidden from others for so long. He still feels uncertain, not sure how to navigate this strange and unexpected direction they've taken but he wants to do better regardless - both for He Tian and for himself - which to me, ironically - is to learn how to accept and love your inner, vulnerable self. The one that others made you feel like you should be ashamed of and pretend it doesn't exist. All it took was He Tian lightning up a spark within him and making him feel like there was something going for him after all. Like he might be worth the time and the attention and suddenly Guanshan wants to prove to He Tian that he is. He's willing to change for the better, not only because he's seen He Tian trying as well but he's began to realise that he cares for the other boy and he isn't willing to just let go of him. He came to realise that he doesn't want their ways to part one day just because he lacked the courage to change. To be removed from He Tian's orbit because he wasn't good enough. Because he's chosen to play the part others told him to. Through the care, warmth, patience and understanding He Tian has offered to him, the spark that was once lit in Guanshan's heart was slowly begining to grow, forming into a beautiful and passionate flame. Similar to the one Guanshan has lit a long time ago in He Tian's own, hollow heart.

I like the idea of Guanshans's attitude shifting bit by bit, depending on how he feels around certain people because I get so excited just thinking about him and Tian discovering new sides of each other - sides they weren't expecting at all. When Guanshan finally trusts He Tian entirely, the other would begin to notice that most of the time Guanshan's a very chill, sweet and gentle soul, even if he can't express his feelings and affection very well. He prefers to avoid unessesary conflicts and tries to talk things through, instead of attacking the other or sulking over his bruised ego. Sometimes Guanshan would feel guilty after his arguments with He Tian, no matter who's at fault and would be a lot more affected by them than he'd let it show. He would hate being cross with the person he cares about the most and his affection for the other would often end up being bigger than his ego. He Tian would also be in awe at how adorable Guanshan could become at times when there was no one else around to judge him. Maybe there would even be a whole new playful side to Guanshan, where he allows himself to let loose and joke around a little, like that one time when he smirked at He Tian who confessed he's afraid of the dark and He Tian was like "STFU or I'm gonna punch your teeth out".

Anyway, that's something I've been noticing for some time already and I just wanted to put it out there because I find it absolutely beautiful to see how Guanshan is finally starting to feel comfortable and safe enough to let those more vulnerable parts of him show. He's slowly realising that there are people who wants him for who he truly is and won't judge him based on his family name, baseless rumors or old wounds without giving him a proper chance to prove himself first ❤

he tian: how do i politely tell someone i want to fucking hit their face with a brick several times?

he cheng: one wishes to aquaint your facial structure with a rigidly edge object fundamentally used in the construction of walls repeatedly.

he tian: that was poetry!~

mo guan shan: that was a cry for therapy from both of you-

university professor: he tian, why are you so late?

he tian: i'm sorry, professor, my cat fell asleep on my lap, and i didn't want to wake him up.

the cat:

*while he tian's teaching mo self-defence*

mo guan shan: i win.

he tian: i have you pinned to the ground.

mo guan shan: exactly.

he cheng: do you like my brother?

mo guan shan: no.

he cheng: his personality?

mo guan shan: i hate it.

he cheng: then why are you with him?

mo guan shan: i love him. can't do anything with that, unfortunately.

he cheng: same, bro... same...