Tianshan Are Literally:

he tian: you're such a bad boy, little mo~

mo guan shan: yeah, i guess i am...

he tian: huh?

mo guan shan, upset: i accidentally hit a dog.

he cheng, in the coldest voice: so you're banging my brother.

mo, uncertain: yeah…

he cheng: thank god. now he's your problem. i'm done here.

he tian: i need to lose some weight. you've spoiled me, redhead.

mo guan shan: fuck no *cooks 10 times more*

40-year-old he tian has a little tummy. he's still fit and in good shape, it's just that mo's cooking is too delicious to resist. and mo guan shan absolutely loves it, because tian's finally eating (and sleeping) normally.

i'm convinced that mo guan shan apologizes the way many mothers do: he brings a plate of sliced fruit or a cup of tea, calls for dinnner, because he loves with acts of service.

(but he tian doesn't get it cause his mom died)

(I'M SORRY)

mo guan shan: you're a moron.

he tian: then you're a moronsexual, cause you love me.

mo guan shan: and who are you then?

he tian: i'm a mosexual.

he tian: do you want to play 20 questions?

mo guan shan: no.

he tian: interesting question! my favourite colour is orange. do you like men?

two yawning kittens has been spotted

jian yi: it's okay, babe, don't worry~

zheng xi: how did you call me?

jian yi: babe, you don't like it?

zheng xi: you can call me whatever you want.

jian yi: ok, optimus prime.

mo guan shan: *crying*

he tian: what happaned!? did somebody hurt you? tell me, i swear i'm gonna kill them-

mo guan shan: i'm just cutting onions.

he tian, at night: listen here, you stupid onion-