A Lil’ Story

Things I shoulda known

I really should’ve known I was non-binary because I didn’t understand the binary at all, like I do, but it just was like a sock that never fit. When I did discover the term it made me a bit sad, but I had this huge wave of relief and was happy that I could finally be myself. All gender bathrooms are the best, no questions asked. Now onto my sexuality...I really shoulda known I was ace..I mean dude, I literally couldn’t say the word “sex” for years. I have a list of alternatives...quite literally. It’s funny cause one of my friends knew before I did. Now onto my romanticism...I never understood romance..but I was fully convinced that I was a pan/panro...I was really wrong. I hadn’t had well, any crushes (faked ‘em to a T). I found out I was demiplatonic and realized I have squishes on occasion (literally my besties...I love them so SO much...I wanna hang and talk philosophy with both of ‘em), and that I might not be as introverted as I thought. Imma get real existential real quick, but I really am grateful that in the little time that I’ve had on this planet, that I will never experience falling in love or sexual attraction because I’ll have a whole ‘nother experience than somebody else. I’ll change in different ways. My experience may not be common, but I’m grateful that I get to have it. 

Alright so as an a-spec, trans, and non-binary person, I’ve taken it upon myself to create a story in the medium of comics. I’ve doin’ this for a while though, like 2 years...and HOLY SHIT!!! I feel as if I’ve grown with the characters, and I know how it’s going to end. I often find that my characters represent parts of myself rather than the people in my life. My goal is to finish it and post it on the internet, though I kinda already did, by posting the first ten pages. It’s gonna be two volumes, so as you can imagine, shit goes down. Granted, the first 20 pages are kinda rushed, but I wanted 228 pages max for the first volume, and I want the second to be 200. The main character, Noel (they/them), is non-binary and is figuring out their sexuality, so yeah :). 

It’s really hard as an aromantic to try and find genuinely kind people (who won’t be attracted romantically). Though I think that this is just hard in general. 

I feel as I’ve accepted my aroace-ness I’ve become so much gayer and I don’t know how, but I’m vibing with it.

Well...this was a prompt for inktober and I had way to much fun...and I dunno if anyone’s going to notice this because social media and artists don’t always work out well...especially now...anyways...my art style has changed a lot, but I like a lot better now...and I learned a thing or two about proportions and anatomy since the last drawings I posted. It’d be real cool if someone shared this cause that’s what I want my art to be for. To tell a story.

I dunno if anyone will see this..but hi...it’s been awhile.

I really just wanted to do something random, so I present to you a digital painting. Also you can follow me on DeviantArt @mushyeggplant

#space 

Am I gonna talk about my aroace-ness again? Yes, yes I will

I fucking love being aroace. I may be a teen and others may be falling in love and doing the big sex (I find sex funny cause I don’t get it, but good for them). I am perfectly content with all my friends and I love them to the earth, the moon, the stars, the vast universe, and all the way back again. I love to hear their stories and their perceptions. I could gush over all my friends all day. I’m glad that I don’t have to deal with as much drama due to lack of interest and attraction. Also good for other aros who feel little attraction and good for aros who still want relationships, ya’ll do be swell. That about wraps it up :)

short story? (fictional..I guess)

Tuesday, 1:45 pm

Today was a windy day on the East bay. My feet are crunching the blank ground beneath my feet. I’m wearing a jacket but it’s so cold! The wool socks I’m wearing are a bit wet, and that was when I remembered I had hot chocolate at home. As I was on my way home, I see these to people close together. What are they doing? Why are they kissing? Aren’t they a bit close? Are they friends? I don’t know what to think.

I spot someone else across the street, and I could sense their jealousy of the close two. Then I heard the the two say, “I love you, my sweet sunshine!”, at the same time, but it wasn’t exact.

They’re in love. Love! What utter bullshit. 

I hurried along the snow, almost frustrated. Okay, not almost, I was frustrated. I AM FRUSTRATED! Why am I so frustrated?! Oh I’m home. Great.

My stiff discolored hands reach for the doorknob. It’s so cold and metallic. As I open the oak doors to my home, I close it just as quickly. 

SIGH

My mind is carrying a weight that I don’t to be true. I can’t fall in love. Well, at least, I don’t think so. Oh how I wish I could feel those wonderful feelings.

I enter my disheveled room, not prepared for anything, so I collapse onto my bed in all my warm clothes. 

Wednesday, 3 am

I’m hungry. My eyes are a bit blurry, so I rub them, so I can see once again. It’s 3 AM!! My stomach hurts, so I go to the kitchen, and look at my fridge.

It’s empty. Great! Just great.

I spot a remote to left and pick it to turn on my tv, then I hear my ringer go off. It’s my best friend, Jean. Well, I have a few best friends, and I love them so much. It’s not romantic...is there a word for that? ...I mean there can’t be...can there?

I pick up my phone and this is how the conversation goes:

Me: Fitz?! Isn’t it a bit late?

Fitz: lol Jet lol, why r u up at this time?

Me: I...I couldn’t sleep. 

Fitz: lol same.

Me: Fitz, I need help? 

Fitz: okay bestie! what u need help with?

Me: Well...I think I’m broken?!

Fitz: WOAH THERE!!! Who are you and what did you do to my bestie?!

Me: pfft...OH GOD it’s 4 am already!!!

Fitz: 9 pm over here baBY!

Me: I can’t fall in love...is that bad?

Fitz: Bro...why’d u thing it was wrong?

Me: because I’ve been told that I’ll fall in love with somebody, but it is yet to happen.

Fitz: u could be...aromantic? #noromo

Me: I’ve gotta feel a little attraction...right?

Fitz: Mate, calm ya tits, and look the damn thing up!

Me: okay okay...I WILL :{

.....

...

Fitz: Good night Jet, you’re an amazing friend :O

Me: Thanks, gn

Fitz: ‘night

12 hours later

OH shit...I fell asleep with the tv on! And yesterday...oh GOD!!! I miss Fitz. They were such a good friend...and I guess I’ll take their advice...not that I want to. I open up my computer and start typing in “Signs I might be aromantic?” and “What does it mean to be aromantic?”, and lastly “Am I aro?”. I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole, but OOO!

Th-that’s me...THAT’S ME!! Fitz was right...I am aromantic.... Wait there’s other like me. THere’s a whole spectrum?! ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!! WHY aren’t we taught this earlier?! If only I found out sooner...then everything would have hurt less. Well, it’s not like I can change much, so I guess I’m glad I came to this strange conclusion?

So yeah yesterday was cold, but now I feel a bit warmer knowing a bit more about myself. So HAH! Take that world! I’m gonna soar beyond and create my own path because I don’t need to fall in love to be human. Why is it shown so much though? The media is weird. Okay....a lot of things are weird. 

Toxic Friendships

As the title says I’m going to talk about toxic friendships because they’re shitty as hell dude. Like there were these two people that I knew, well okay we go to the same school and well one of ‘em was possessive of me, and didn’t respect my physical boundaries and he’d always lean on me (without asking mind you) during the classes we had together, and we still unfortunately have those same classes together, but I sit with other people who respect me, which wow...it’s truly amazing. This person and another person put down my art and called it projection every time I would show them a piece and they brought down one of my closest friends. I’m in the midst of relearning some social skill that I had learned from those unhealthy relationships. Also the physical-boundary-person and the rip-my-confidence-for-showing-art-person were really judgemental, not that I’m not judgemental at all, but they for sure clouded my judgement. I hung out with both of them because I was scared and insecure, and then I started loving myself and I started seeing the cracks. Also the symbiote-person liked me at a certain point, making the “affection” make me feel as if I were being taking advantage of because I gave them a second chance, hell I might’ve given him more than he deserved. I understand that they both have shit going on. I GET THAT! I just don’t want them to hurt other people and that includes themselves. They need to grow up for fucks sake! I’m just so tired of having to be sympathetic towards people who hurt me! I know I definitely contributed and I’m sorry that I did! They are like babies (or just middle schoolers...no offence to anyone who’d in middle school)! I’m tired of having to be mature! I’m tired of feeling hurt! I’m tired of seeing their guilty faces! Okay one of them always looks guilty and he also stares at me (symbiote-person) sometimes and it’s creepy as hell! I deleted their contacts because I need to let them go, but it’s so hard because I still feel so hurt and I’m scared that one of ‘em will try to pull me back. I’m so scared. I’m scared to be vulnerable again. I want to be strong, but what if I’m judged so hard. I’m so fucking scared. I wanna be a better friend to other people than they ever were to me. 

Hi! I am really hoping to get a little bit of help as I've had a bit of hardluck fall on me this month. Trying to hold it together for the kids but any help would really be a blessing You've been a great help to me and the kids🙏❤️🙏

PLS HELP AND SHARE IF YOU CAN AND READ MY PINNED

I hear you!! We gotta help this STRONG homie!! Things to help 'em would be as listed...SUIT UP fellows!!!

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