My Homies In The A-spec Community

I love how I started out writing a comic book, while thinking I must be cis and pan, and now that I’m nearing the end of it, I’m trans, non-binary, and aroace. Granted, before that I thought I was cishet, and kinda just denying way too many fucking things about myself. Upon admitting them through storytelling, I somehow feel much much gayer. This is probably because I feel more comfortable in my skin now. Thank you for my TEDTalk.

Things I shoulda known

I really should’ve known I was non-binary because I didn’t understand the binary at all, like I do, but it just was like a sock that never fit. When I did discover the term it made me a bit sad, but I had this huge wave of relief and was happy that I could finally be myself. All gender bathrooms are the best, no questions asked. Now onto my sexuality...I really shoulda known I was ace..I mean dude, I literally couldn’t say the word “sex” for years. I have a list of alternatives...quite literally. It’s funny cause one of my friends knew before I did. Now onto my romanticism...I never understood romance..but I was fully convinced that I was a pan/panro...I was really wrong. I hadn’t had well, any crushes (faked ‘em to a T). I found out I was demiplatonic and realized I have squishes on occasion (literally my besties...I love them so SO much...I wanna hang and talk philosophy with both of ‘em), and that I might not be as introverted as I thought. Imma get real existential real quick, but I really am grateful that in the little time that I’ve had on this planet, that I will never experience falling in love or sexual attraction because I’ll have a whole ‘nother experience than somebody else. I’ll change in different ways. My experience may not be common, but I’m grateful that I get to have it. 

We're Screwed

Follow the story of two supernatural youngsters, Noel and Ezra, both descendants of the Contradii genus. Now what is a Contradii you ask? Well, read on to find out! A story centred around the teen years, family, some queerness and magic. Do you dare to turn the page? Read on adventurers! Updates every Friday!!! Interested in my work? Check out my other socials! Tumblr: @piroshki101 DeviantArt:@mushyeggplant

Follow the story of two supernatural youngsters, Noel and Ezra, both descendants of the Contradii genus. Now what is a Contradii you ask? Well, read on to find out! A story centred around the teen years, family, some queerness and magic. Do you dare to turn the page? Read on adventurers! Updates every Friday!!! Interested in my work? Check out my other socials! Tumblr: @piroshki101 DeviantArt:@mushyeggplant Reading this will make your day better. #We're Screwed #webcomic #WEBTOON

Crisis of the Century

So...I identify with aroace, and I fully identify with ace, though there was something about it, that wasn’t 100%. I realize now, that I’m probably gray-romantic. I blame the cute people in my class, though, i also wanna be their friend too. So...yayy...so fun. I think, though, it’s in part because I’ve been wearing transtape, and I’ve been more comfortable in my body, and I feel much more free, so I guess it’s not a surprise that my brain is letting feel this new stuff, granted it rarely happens anyways, so gray-romantic. That’s about it. 

I feel as I’ve accepted my aroace-ness I’ve become so much gayer and I don’t know how, but I’m vibing with it.

I really just wanted to do something random, so I present to you a digital painting. Also you can follow me on DeviantArt @mushyeggplant

#space 

Toxic Friendships

As the title says I’m going to talk about toxic friendships because they’re shitty as hell dude. Like there were these two people that I knew, well okay we go to the same school and well one of ‘em was possessive of me, and didn’t respect my physical boundaries and he’d always lean on me (without asking mind you) during the classes we had together, and we still unfortunately have those same classes together, but I sit with other people who respect me, which wow...it’s truly amazing. This person and another person put down my art and called it projection every time I would show them a piece and they brought down one of my closest friends. I’m in the midst of relearning some social skill that I had learned from those unhealthy relationships. Also the physical-boundary-person and the rip-my-confidence-for-showing-art-person were really judgemental, not that I’m not judgemental at all, but they for sure clouded my judgement. I hung out with both of them because I was scared and insecure, and then I started loving myself and I started seeing the cracks. Also the symbiote-person liked me at a certain point, making the “affection” make me feel as if I were being taking advantage of because I gave them a second chance, hell I might’ve given him more than he deserved. I understand that they both have shit going on. I GET THAT! I just don’t want them to hurt other people and that includes themselves. They need to grow up for fucks sake! I’m just so tired of having to be sympathetic towards people who hurt me! I know I definitely contributed and I’m sorry that I did! They are like babies (or just middle schoolers...no offence to anyone who’d in middle school)! I’m tired of having to be mature! I’m tired of feeling hurt! I’m tired of seeing their guilty faces! Okay one of them always looks guilty and he also stares at me (symbiote-person) sometimes and it’s creepy as hell! I deleted their contacts because I need to let them go, but it’s so hard because I still feel so hurt and I’m scared that one of ‘em will try to pull me back. I’m so scared. I’m scared to be vulnerable again. I want to be strong, but what if I’m judged so hard. I’m so fucking scared. I wanna be a better friend to other people than they ever were to me. 

Alright so as an a-spec, trans, and non-binary person, I’ve taken it upon myself to create a story in the medium of comics. I’ve doin’ this for a while though, like 2 years...and HOLY SHIT!!! I feel as if I’ve grown with the characters, and I know how it’s going to end. I often find that my characters represent parts of myself rather than the people in my life. My goal is to finish it and post it on the internet, though I kinda already did, by posting the first ten pages. It’s gonna be two volumes, so as you can imagine, shit goes down. Granted, the first 20 pages are kinda rushed, but I wanted 228 pages max for the first volume, and I want the second to be 200. The main character, Noel (they/them), is non-binary and is figuring out their sexuality, so yeah :). 

A lil’ story

When I was 11 there was some fortune teller that basically told me love life (which none)

He said that I would have a “lover” by the age of 14-15. And then he said I’d have one at 16-17 (I kinda forgot which one or if he said both). And one at 19.

Fortuneteller: Ah yes you will have many lovers

Me, an aroace in my head thinking: Huh...I haven’t any crushes yet...what’s it supposed to feel like? That’s not weird...right?

Later that year I went to a party...I think I was 12 then...and still nobody was “attractive”. 

And I was just waiting and I heard two people telling each other that they liked each other and then one of them was absolutely pissed at me...and I was like “Oh I like said person”...except I did not...I was just really scared. 

I continued to force crushes over the years, and I’m 16 now...and I feel absolutely nothing that people would call attraction. Every time I would tell people, like my friends, the “crush” would just go away (instantly if I may add) and I was like “okay...maybe next time?” but also “Uhm...is that normal...that’s not normal, right?”

Then covid happened and I was touch starved...and there was someone who was nice on the team (not gonna say...okay, but it was a sports team), and I thought: “Wow they’re so nice...maybe my crush won’t vanish!”. Then I told my friends and...it did indeed vanish. I did however want to become the persons friend badly...and that’s not going well, but if they see this...hi..can we be friends?

In conclusion, that fortune teller was talking out of his ass, excuse my language, but he was as I have no clue what a crush is supposed to feel like.

#aromantic #aromantic as fuck #this guy was dead wrong and I dunno why I believed him #Also he thought I was a girl, which...no I’m just non-binary #asexual #asexual as fuck #squish #I kinda wish I knew what aroace was instead of forcing crushes, but I’m glad I know now #aroace