shadetpf

Latest Posts by shadetpf

the rainy weather is perfect for homework

I want Richard Nixon's head on a pike

general dating hcs - elysia (hi3) x male!reader

• she leaves you for a woman

i think one of the saddest parts of grief is how time robs you of indulging in it

each april, i think of that day and i try to allow myself to feel that grief, but yet i cannot grieve fully because of the people i love, the life i live, and the expectations i face now

the people who knew at the time of what happened are gone; life has taken us in different directions

now, i have no one close to me who understands what that day did to me

my family hardly remembers, the best friends i had back then have moved on, and i have a boyfriend who didn't even know me when it happened

so what am i to do? how do i explain this void in my heart that only comes around once a year during the month of april? how do i explain this inexplicable urge to curl into a ball, brought on only by the weight of my memories?

i have two events scheduled the day of. i won't even have time to waste being upset, mourning what happened to me that day. i will go out and do my social duties, conversing with my friends and peers, only to return home and regret not letting myself mourn.

it'll be 7 years. 7 years of regret. every year, april 30th comes around and i feel the weight of emptiness that day left in me. yet, i am the only one privy to it's significance. no one else understands; there is no way for me to tell anyone the truth. i don't want their pity and i don't want their concern.

i went through that day alone. i laid on my bedroom floor, weeping for what i gave up. but now i cannot do the same. time has robbed me of that chance; it has robbed me of the grief i was once allowed.

this month will be rough. 7 years is a long time to grieve. i am different than i was then, for better and for worse.

finding out making up whole detailed scenarios with fictional characters in your head is a “sign of mental illness”

— nn. (via eternaldroplets)

Life as I know it is changing, but unlike before, I find myself happy to see change.

I am trying to live a healthier life and it is starting to manifest as I had hoped. Here's to a great year, hopefully!

David Benioff, Troy

// Adapted from Homer, The Iliad

sometimes i wish i could feel.

at the end of the day, i feel nothing

being drunk only enhances it.

life has been so kind to me lately

Did really well on my 2nd human physiology exam!!! I'm really proud of myself cause I went in really tired and not having studied much the night before, but I think studying throughout the weeks beforehand helped a lot!!

Had another night of drinking with my friends and I felt so happy and at peace with the fact that my friends and I are living our lives the way we should 🙂

Haven't done much school work recently besides the bare minimum, but it still feels okay since I am keeping on top of it all and not falling too far behind

I applied to Pharmacy school!!! Still waiting to hear back, but I am not too worried since I have a guaranteed interview because of my program I am in. The actual interview is gonna be the hard part 🫠🫠 Hoping it goes well, but my program directors say I will do fine!!

being successful in your fav subject feels so validating

best brownies in the known universe (at least, according to my grandma)

some year and a half ago when i was getting ready to move out i combed through all the family recipes that lay lost to time and one of the ones that i found was my grandmas brownie recipe. idk where she got it from (nor can i ask cause she has dementia) and its a printed out email she sent to my mom in june 2000. but by george these the best brownies i have ever tasted. would she be pleased that i am sharing this recipe with my vast following? absolutely.

YOU WILL NEED:

5 tablespoons butter (unsalted) 1 ounce unsweetened baking chocolate (or as much as your heart desires) 2/3 cup unsweetened good cocoa powder 1 cup sugar (white) (superfine preferred, normal works fine) 1 cup sifted white flour (can use gluten free) 1/2 teaspoon baking powder as much cinnamon as your heart desires (your heart needs to desire at least some cinnamon. its essential to the recipe) 3 egg whites 1 egg splash of vanilla extract (again, non negotiable step!)

preheat your oven to 325 degrees. grease a square baking pan (9x9 preferably).

in a small saucepan over medium heat melt the butter and baking chocolate. while that is melting, sift together the flour, baking powder and cinnamon into a small bowl. once the butter and chocolate is done melting add the cocoa powder and cook it together for 1 minute. add in the sugar and stir. it will get very thick. this is correct.

set that aside to cool. while thats cooling take a large bowl and put in your egg whites, egg and vanilla. beat it up with preferably a whisk but you can use a fork if youre fresh out of whisks. once the chocolate is cool enough to not scramble your eggs dump it in the eggs and mix it together. add the flour in gradually and keep mixing until its smooth and happy.

spread into your greased baking pan. put it in the oven for EXACLTLY 18 MINUTES. very crucial step. they will come out slightly under done. that is what we want. as they cool they will continue to cook in the pan. we dont want them to get hard and sad. they are not good when they are hard and sad. do not overbake them. you will be sad.

slice them up and as the official last step on the original recipe says: EAT ENJOY AND MAKE MORE! (theyre very good with mint chocolate chip ice cream)

Franz Kafka

to feel love as strongly as i do now is such a blessing

i love my boyfriend <3

life lately <3

- visited the science museum with my mom to donate blood, was very disappointed not to see any bacteria exhibits

- finally made a friend in my human physiology lecture!!! she got my number and we did our group quiz together :) she is pre-nursing

- drank for the first time and learned that my anxiety disappears when im tipsy-ish, also pet a stray cat

- had my first human physiology lab, not too sure about my group mates so far... but we'll see!

life is going really well, but i miss a lot of my friends who i dont see as often now.

t-1 year til pharmacy school starts hopefully. my application is due in october and my interview will be in december!! so excited!!!!

youtube channels to motivate you this semester

♡ abao in tokyo - study with me’s & playlists

♡ advika singh - study & productivity vlogs

♡ allie c. - medical school vlogs

♡ carrot td - study with me’s

♡ celine - study with me’s

♡ deaana - medical school, study with me’s, stationary, etc.

♡ dear mimi - study vlogs

♡ dia - medical student vlogs

♡ dr. rachel southard, do - medical school & residency vlogs & talks

♡ emily feng - medical school vlogs

♡ emilystudying - dental school & study vlogs

♡ emma grace - nursing school vlogs

♡ emmalilyn - study with me’s

♡ ginny - study vlogs

♡ hyobin - medical student vlogs

♡ leighton sanders - nursing vlogs

♡ lucky penny - study with me’s

♡ lunardazes. - uni study vlogs

♡ madi’s nursing journey - nursing school & nursing vlogs

♡ mango oatmilk - study with me’s

♡ maria silva - study & hospital interning vlogs

♡ merve - study with me’s

♡ mishujo - study & productive vlogs

♡ nada - study & productivity vlogs

♡ ray hon - study with me’s

♡ sab yang - medical school & study vlogs

♡ sean study - study with me’s

♡ sierra lyn - nursing vlogs

♡ studymd - study with me’s

♡ study to success - stationary, study with me’s, study hacks, etc.

♡ tani study - study with me’s

♡ yours truly, chloe - study vlogs

♡ yulma - study with me’s

trying to grind hard so that my boyfriend can be my house husband one day

life is good 🙂

hoping I can keep this momentum up and last the semester without burning out!!

— Ocean Vuong, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous

"I'm here to listen to your troubles."

The counselor had his fair share of troubles, and expressing them was never easy, yet he always found it easy to listen and help others out.

So when another person stepped into his office per their appointment, he felt his expression light up with a smile as he gestured for them to sit down.

Per usual, he radiated a calm and comforting aura, something that would always ease anyone in his presence.

"I'm here to listen to your troubles,"

He said with a soft smile as he rested his arms on the desk, giving them his full attention.

"This is a safe space, you needn't worry about a thing,"

He reassured them as he adjusted his glasses.

One way or another, everyone would find peace.

trying to make the world right when I have done everything to tilt it off its axis.

4 years

hopefully he likes this surprise.

bpd culture is my mother saying everyone has to walk on eggshells when i’m around.

(girl you’re kind of one of the reasons i’m like this tho)

Having bpd is literally the worst thing ever. A mood swing can hit you literally anytime any second of the day. You’re literally at the mercy of this fucking illness. Does it care that two seconds ago you were having an amazing time with your friends? No. Does it care that no will understand why you’re frowning and sitting in a corner when you were literally laughing two seconds ago? No. It doesn’t give a fuck about anything or anyone. Not one thing. It just consumes you. And makes you hate yourself for being like this because there’s nothing you can do about it. Nothing.

hi guys, ive decided to start using my tumblr like a diary

heres a pic of me where i genuinely felt perfect

my hair was all fluffy and soft, and i had that "just woke up" glow to me

i felt so beautiful

that's all for now <3

- Shade, 4/8/24, 2:31 am

*sad italian whimpers*