We Had A Pep Assembly Today For Basketball And They Called Down Band, But Bands Not Playing, So Theres

Some of my favorite quotes from this masterpiece.

"Cool Timpani with small fan"

"Keep both feet together"

"Insert peanuts"

"Breathe now"

"Tune the Uke"

"Light explosives now.....and......now."

"Release the penguins"

"If there is a 3rd clarinet, some violins may go"

"Slap thigh"

"Cornet use ice"

"Add bicycle"

"Remove cattle from stage"

"Bow real fast"

"Slippage may occur"

"Begin tuning flame slightly higher and higher"

"All harpists stand up and wait."

"Balance your chair on two legs"

"Moonwalk"

"Continue "swimming" motion"

"Rests are imaginary."

Hey you. Yes you. You reading this. Go practice ♡♡♡

Yo we're doing it this year too. Our band slows down within three measures and it does not sound anything like the song. I mean, it sounds nice, but it's not really Dynamite you know???

There are some songs that are not meant to be played by a marching band

Dynamite by Taio Cruz is most definitely one of them

*Lightning on the feild*

Literally Everybody: We're human lightning rods!!!!

Literally Everybody: *Sticks instruments and flags into the air as high as they possibly can*

Our trumpet section isnt nearly that close, but damn, I wish it was. But either way. Fight me, I dare you.

Who You Should Fight: Marching Band Edition

piccolo

who wins: them

don’t do it.  don’t fight the piccolo player.  just don’t.

flute

who wins: them

they were told you were challenging them for first chair. run while you still can.

clarinet

who wins: them

threaten you with their register key.  forfeit for the sake of all.

saxophone

who wins: them

you are promptly deemed a “nerd” and stuffed in a band locker by the entire section even though you only wanted to fight one of them.

low reeds

who wins: no one

 you yell increasingly bad sexual innuendos at each other across the band room for twenty minutes until you both get tired and go home.

mellophone

who wins: them

punches you in the face repeatedly on the offbeats of a sousa march playing in the background.

trumpet

who wins: you and then them

you win the fight easily while they’re giving their villainous monologue.  entire trumpet section later jumps you in a dark hallway for disgracing one of their own.

trombone

who wins: no one

they get distracted halfway through the fight and wander off.

low brass

who wins: them

you mock them by making farting noises with your lips.  they punch you in the stomach with their abnormally strong arms.  you can’t breath properly for days.

pit percussion

who wins: you

pretend like you can’t tell the vibes, marimba, and xylophone apart.  wait until they’re blind with rage, then run them over with the closest wheeled pit equipment.

drumline

who wins: them

show up to the fight with a shank fashioned out of a broken drum stick.  proceed to kick ass.

drum major

who wins: them

calls you to attention (you can’t disobey!) and then waits until you faint from exhaustion.

color guard

who wins: them

have you ever watched one of these fuckers on the field?  you’re screwed.

band director

who wins: them

just when you think you’ve won, they get up smiling and say “one more time!”

Everytime someone is like "ALL THE TRUMPETS ARE GON BE SO UPSET" I get hella confused. I'm like "I'm not???" And then "OH you mean the trump supporters gotcha"

My ex-clarinetist brother has just picked up french horn, and within the span of two days he has broken the string on one on the valves.

posting things to the wrong blog,,,, end me

OK new game. Use this website to see how common your first name is, and then put that number in the tags. 

EDIT: This isn’t my website, so I can’t say how accurate it is. It’s just a fun tool to play around with. Sorry if your name doesn’t show up! :[