I Want To Rip Off My Human Form And Become One With The Stars

I want to live in the uncanny valley

I want people to look at me and just have my form be slightly out of their perception

I want my body to shift and change forms every time they look away

I want people to think that there is something Not Quite Right about me

the 0 notes wont stop me from posting every single thought that crosses my mind btw. dont u guys worry about that 

⚠️TW: HEAVY DEREALIZATION ⚠️

We’re not fully convinced that we are real, we look into a mirror and see something that is very much NOT us, not me.

This vessel we use, our body, is not right. We are meant to have claws and more eyes and less limbs. We are meant to be more and less than we are. We are not meant to exist this way.

We’re not real and when we look around we can’t be sure that anyone or thing else is either. It all feels fake, fuzzy, like a photograph being burned or a dream that you can’t remember.

I have low empathy, the things around us and their feeling don’t make sense, they don’t seem real. Who’s to say that they ever were. Their reactions, even positive, seem like acts of aggression. Like a wolf bearing its teeth.

Maybe it’s not real, maybe I’m not real, I feel like I’m not. At least in the form that we’re in now.

I find it so funny when we get hate just because they’re always like

“You’re not actually a robot/angel/etc you know that right?”

“You know your just a regular human right?”

Like… yeah that’s kinda the whole problem here. That’s like the whole point of this blog. If we were physically what we are mentally this blog wouldn’t exist

Reasons NOT to give up on earthly existence

Music. C'mon. You've got everything from Nine Inch Nails to Lady Gaga to The Beatles to Cocteau Twins to Infected Mushroom, etc. yadda-yadda-yadda. Ever put on your headphones while on the bus and pretend you're in a music video?

Dogs? Dogs.

No, but, seriously. Having an animal companion with a wet nose and wide, innocent eyes is the best. Hell, I'll take scaly with a forked tongue or eight legs and furry. Animals are the best.

Sunsets, but perhaps even better, sunrises. I know waking up early sucks but you've gotta check out the sunrise every now and then. I like to say goodbye to the morning star sometimes.

Food. Last night I had white almond cake with buttercream frosting and it was THE BOMB DOT COM. But also sushi, pizza, poke bowls, vegetable stew? Chicken and dumplings, cheeseburgers, gyoza? Wash your hands, dry them with your feathers, and eat something good.

Going on long car rides with the windows down and the radio cranked up. Go alone. Go with friends. Drive downtown. Drive through the rural hills and valleys. Have a destination. Go everywhere and nowhere in particular. Just get in the car and go.

Self-expression. You can do what you want. Listen to your favorite music, wear jewelry that matches your kintype or socks with your favorite animal on them, paint your nails any color you like - just go crazy. Be yourself.

Sleep. Our strange dreams guide us. There's nothing better than waking up on a cool morning swaddled in a blanket, so comfortable you don't want to move.

The weather. Some days rain falls from a sunny sky. Sometimes purple lightning streaks across the night sky for hours without a single raindrop. Sometimes the sky is a heartbreaking shade of blue, and sometimes, right before a tornado touches down, that sky is a sickly sort of green. Every day is different. No sky is ever painted the same.

Spooky Self-Portrait for Mab's Drawlloween club day one. Gouache on paper, 6 x 8"

Is it just me or is it getting harder and harder recently

i still can't stop thinking about non-it/its users responses to this post. how an awful lot of people think it's fine to refuse someone else's pronouns because of their own discomfort.

let me tell you a story.

i have been dehumanized almost my entire life. a combination of my race, disabilities, and the mental illnesses that i developed very early in my life meant i was treated like a monster. i started coming out as gay too early for my peers' comfort and that only added to that treatment. my dehumanization is enshrined in christianity. i took on the label of monster on purpose because i stopped relating to humanity. why should i want to be a part of a group who did nothing but hurt me and exclude me in the first place?

i don't need to be protected from my own goddamn pronouns. i don't need to hear about the historical dehumanization of queer people and people of color and disabled people because, like a massive majority of the people using it/its, i fucking know. i have for literal decades.

you know what hurts? telling me i don't know what's best for myself, that your discomfort with my life is more important than treating me like someone who can make its own fucking decisions, and misgendering me because you can't handle being reminded of the things that literally continue to happen to me. i'm not a poor unthinking baby that needs to be saved, and neither are the other it/its users.

if you have feelings about it/its, you can process them on your own time, like every other person uncomfortable with a pronoun set.

and for the love of everything unholy just call me by my fucking pronouns.

DESPERATELY need the HRT (Humanity Replacement Therapy) that'll turn my flesh into soft silicone, my nerves into circuitry, my skin into shiny chrome, my face into a cute LED screen and my brain into an artificial intelligence supercomputer with modular interchangeable parts

This. Our days are not only sadness and pain. There are times when the world will be painted in beautiful colors and the space around will feel like home.

When that happens make sure to live in it, feel it, remember it. Life is not all bad, and if it is right now it won’t always be that way.

Things do get better. It will be okay

in this little human life i've found myself in, it's so very easy to become jaded - but tonight's sunset is pale gold. streaks of light are pouring forth through the puffy white clouds. the leaves are curled as the trees cry for rain, revealing their silvery undersides.

it's easy to get bored and think of places with pink skies and streets of molten metal. easy to feel the pain between your shoulders and remember the lazy days you had wings and could fly forever - but it's okay, so be still. it's okay.