Inside Of You There Are Two Wolves. One Is A Moron. The Other Is Also A Moron. You Are Plural

I've been thinking about trauma and what may qualify, and I'm starting to realize that raising animals probably did contribute to the trauma we have.

(tw explicit animal death/killing, general gross/gore warning)

I remember watching a family friend crack open eggs that hadn't incubated fully to hatching when I was five or younger, and she explained that it's just the way things are on a farm sometimes as I watched those soggy underdeveloped chicks lay still on the straw.

When I was older one of my goats had a stillborn kid - but it had been dead long enough to rot in the womb, and its corpse was literally falling apart as we pulled it out.

I raised a couple batches of turkeys that I loved so, so much, even though I knew we'd butcher them. I named them and carried them around and spent so much time with them they were incredibly docile. One turkey from the second batch I raised got injured - I think he broke his wing or something? - and the bigger tom that was with him was doing what turkeys do and trying to bully him to death. He was in so much pain, and while I agreed to help my parents butcher him for meat, I asked that one of them kill him because I hate killing animals. Unfortunately, mom decided to wait until later in the day when it would be more convenient to butcher him. When I found him suffering in his pen hours after I thought my parents had put him down, I got my sharpest knife and sobbed as I pinned him down and slit his throat.

I have so, so many stories like those that I am starting to acknowledge qualify as traumatic for a tenderhearted kid, but I feel like I shouldn't be traumatized by them. It's the way things are on a farm, after all. It's what happens. It's how life goes. So many of my animals died because I owned a bunch of animals for a long time and it's the way things go. Was I really not strong enough to handle it? Surely I should have been able to. Surely it's just the way things are, am I really so weak as to let those facts of the circle of life hurt me?

This is what life is. Why did it break me?

"Worst thing about plurality is the amnesia" "worst thing about plurality is in-sys fighting" LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER worst thing about plurality is the strain on our bank account trying to accommodate eight different fashion styles

Plural positivity cus we felt like it!!

[plain text: Plural positivity cus we felt like it!!]

*･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you're traumagenic/disordered and support endos

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you're mixed origins

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you're endogenic

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you're blurry all the time

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you don't have a headspace

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you're frontstuck

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you consider yourself one due to imaginary friends/imagis

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you have "too high" of a headcount

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you have "too low" of a headcount

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you only have non-human headmates

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you only have human headmates

You're still a real system/plural/etc. No matter what anyone tells you!

[Plaintext: You're still a real system/plural/etc. No matter what anyone tells you!]

I wanted a bio, so I'm making a bio.

Name: Travis Role: Council member, (mostly) ex-persecutor Pronouns: he/him

I'm the resident black magic enthusiast, and I've got a "mad scientist vibe going on." My job as a persecutor was to keep us from relying on anyone by manipulating the host away from people. These days I mostly keep an eye on the other "darker" system members.

I like silk shirts, dramatic aesthetics, spooky music, and gold jewelry.

new thing we’re trying out for our system

we’re calling them “Please do not front” or “DNI” songs.

basically we each assign ourself one and when that song is playing we don’t front.

this could be for many reasons, such as; a headmate is handling a subject that another is sensitive to, a headmate leaving front because they’re not doing well and needing reminders in case they forget and try to front again, someone else needing to hold front, etc.

they basically just act as a warning, not everyone has one yet but those who do are as follows;

Vesper - // Daddy Issues \\

Nikki - // Nothing’s new \\

and I think some1 else has one but I can’t remember who (-Nikki)

(Edit from Ves):

Luka - // The Ballad of Jane Doe \\

Can we get a very polite “fuck you” to people who intentionally trigger others? Especially ones that cause a split. /slightly targeted

-Bive

PAIN PROTECTOR

An alter who's role is to protect the body from pain, typically by fronting to endure or relieve the pain themself; A combination of a protector and a pain holder. Flag base by @/gorefix

F2U -> credit is appreciated but not required!

Personal experiences of Ones Plurality

For years now we've considered ourselves a system, and this is a long post rambling about who we are, and why we are.

We're multiple, plural, a system, a collective, so many different terms we enjoy using interchangeably because they all feel they fit. We are multiple entities as much as we are parts of what is one whole in this world; internally we are many, externally we are one. We live one life, but each of us are pieces to living it, so we are plural. Our system formed from trauma, we were neglected and abused as a child, we've been around horrible people since we were little, our life has been unstable for a long time. There is no arguing that trauma is not part of why we're a system, or that it wasn't the catalyst for the dissociation that caused us to become parts; so we are a system with roots of a dissociative disorder. But we don't only exist because of it. We use the label adaptive, because that is the initial cause of us, to adapt to our life, our adversities, our trauma, our disorders... but we also use created as a label; we're mixed origin. Our system especially nowadays tends to linger in fragments, sometimes those fragments take upon their own identity. Sometimes we purposefully influence them, we create the alters we want, we need, out of their existence. We create within ourselves, we form naturally, and we split from our pain... so we are a mixed origin, adaptive and created, OSDD system. And that fits quite well for all we need it to. If it were up to some of us, we wouldn't bother with these labels at all, but for others within who we are these labels are a comfort; an easy telling that "this is me, this is who I am and I want to say it and be heard." We don't like -genic labels, they're narrow, and make you decide between having to identify with trauma itself or disregarding what part it could play even if it didn't form your system. For awhile we used them because it was all we really had, it was the easier option because people knew; but in the same breath it came with peoples assumptions that we hated having upon ourselves. We mentioned prior our initial origins, having a dissociative disorder. We don't particularly view our plurality or systemhood itself as disordered, we've plenty that affects us being multiple in negative ways though though... CPTSD, OCD, BPD, NPD, Various physical disabilities, Etc, They all make things harder. They are what disorders us, causes discord and pain. Our system makes it easier, better for us, at least nowadays. In the past, years ago, I think we would've said our systemhood is inherently disordered; it caused our host then stress, unbearably. it was a painful experience, scary, anxiety inducing for more reasons than one. But we've grown, we've changed, we've overcome a lot and our views have changed. I think it's fair to hope we'd have changed from when we were 13 years old... We've spoken before that the spaces we'd used to be in helped us all but none, when we were staunchly anti-endo because it was the "right" option (and the option that, at the time, made us feel safe while we were in the company of those who felt it right to harass people outside of those views.) We were scared of ourselves, scared of the people around us. Scared of being wrong. Existing wrong.

When the information we were given was that we were broken, we were so horribly abused (which, frankly, remains true in our case because we were), that we were broken by it. And if we hadn't been horribly broken, it was wrong to claim we were this way... which of course is hardly the truth. When we stepped out of that bubble, realizing how tired and awful it made us felt... how much worse and harder it made things for us. We began to get more information, we had people tell us we were wrong (and we hated it at first honestly), we had people who directed us to others who had resources. And we learned. And we learned more about ourselves because of it. We learned more about dissociative disorders, about plural history, about the experiences of others outside of it, about how other aspects of ourselves intertwine with the rest of it... We learned a lot of things we disregarded or didn't think was necessary to know prior. Because we thought we knew everything we needed to already, that it was a trauma disorder, and the only way to be this way was to be traumatized. And we were very quickly challenged in our at-the-time narrow views. Sometimes those old spaces still linger even as we've come to accept more views, more various systems and the way they exist too. Existing in spaces where others are so open, sometimes it still feels odd, and we feel isolated, the strange and weird one of the bunch because of how we simply are in our life. We don't understand or grasp the experiences of those with elaborate innerworlds, or who retain memories within them. We never had that. We don't understand the people who will openly text as various alters talking to one another, responding to each other. We've always been so internal with ourselves, that seeing communication in those ways felt... strange? Even down to people who make a big deal of new alters, who fuss and whine about even considering the idea of it. We don't get it.

It's hard sometimes not to think to ourselves "wow, that's cringe/stupid" or that "they should just roleplay" sometimes when presented with these sorts of situations. But we know that the way we think sometimes is cruel or overly mean and judgemental; and while we know it comes from a place of our own insecurity, and retaining some of the things from spaces we'd used to be in as a kid... it's still awful, and our place to challenge it when we think this way. These people don't hurt me. Their experiences do not change mine. I am still me. They are them. And that's okay. And that is what I will always remind myself of.

The various pieces of our story, the ones that made us, are exactly why we've landed on the labels we use now. They are what have made us syscourse neutral, an endo safe system, someone who wants to seek our more information and enjoys learning about this side of life.

The sucky thing about being plural and trans is that not everyone inside has figured out my pronouns and some still unintentionally default to feminine terms and she/her pronouns for me and some of the other guys, which just really sucks. I know one or two headmates use she/her pronouns but boy do I want the one caretaker I don’t know well to stop calling me a girl when comforting me :((

see, because of how systems are expected to still act like a singular person, we're very used to alters not really being percieved or cared about on an individual level? and i mean, whatever. but now, because of that, any attempt to interact with a specific alter will make us love you forever. so be warned