Sophisticated-trash - Unbetitelt

Humans are weird “Tears for Everything”

Hey all. Didn’t think I would get this sort of response, but since I have. I have decided to do at least one of these “Humans are Weird or Humans are Space Orcs” every day. If you have any ideas you’d like to see me write, I’d be thankful for suggestions. 

Alien: *walks in to mess hall sees human sitting at a table crying*

Alien “Human, what is wrong. Why is your face leaking.”

*human looks up wiping eyes* 

Human: *Sorry, I’m just really upset. This is what happens when humans are upset, we cry….. There was a bombing back home, none of my family is answering.”

Alien: *walks back in later, human still crying*

Alien: “Oh no, human, are you ok? What is wrong?”

*human looks up wipes eyes again*

Human: “Oh sorry.” grins “my family just called back and they’re ok.”

Alien: *in confusion* “Why are you upset about that?”

Human: “Oh no, you misunderstand. Humans also cry when we’re happy or relieved 

Alien *rolls eyes but doesn’t question. Humans are weird after all 

Alien *returns later to see the humans in s big circle, all of them are crying so hard they are almost bent double. They have to be upset.*

Alien: “What’s wrong now?”

human: *regains breath and wipes tears from eyes, “Nothing, nothing, Jim just told a really funny joke. Laughed so hard I cried.”

Alien: *annoyed now. Walks away shaking his head*

Alien: *walks in to lab and is nearly hit by a metal trey flying towards the wall*

human: *screams in anger tears rolling down their face*

Alien: *tentatively peeks out from behind shelf* “are you alright, human?

Human: “NO I’M NOT ALRIGHT. I’M PISSED OFF!” *turns away wiping eyes*

Alien: *hurried from the room to scared to be annoyed*

human: *sneezes*

Alien: *turns around to find human’s face leaking again, exasperated* “What NOW? Why can you possibly be upset, happy, or angry NOW?”

Human: *looking confused* “I’m not any of those, my allergies are just really bad right now.”

Alien: *Sputtering in exasperation*

*out on a mission, the planet is freezing cold*

Alien: *looks at human*

Human *dribbling from the eyes and nose. this Cannot be laughter or allergies, they have to be upset*

Alien: “What’s wrong human?”

Human: *wipes nose* “Nothing, just cold.”

Alien: “You’re ****ing kidding me.”

*Human yawns. wipes eyes*

Alien “What now! What now. How can you possibly be doing this now. Are you hungry, horny or frustrated WHAT! WHAT IS THIS RIDDLE!”

*human: holds up hands wiping eyes* “nothing just tired is all”

Alien *screams in frustration*

Alien: *glares at human as human wipes their eyes*

Human: *Sees the look* “Sorry, eyes are burning. don’t know why”

Alien: *stands up* “Don’t know why. Don’t know why. Of course you don’t know why” *storms out. Opens human behavior log. scribbles our years of dedicated note taking. Writes In big bold letters*

WE KNOW NOTHING

Everyone can do magic. Everyone except you, that is. Your aunt and uncle have always made fun of you for not being able to do magic, until one day you received a letter inviting you to a school of “science”, and you discovered a secret society of people who make great things without magic.

Steve: i’m by section

Steve: i’m buy

Steve: i’m bicentennial

Sam: it’s okay, take your time

Steve:

Steve: bucky

just me, her, (the aliens) and the moon

Me to my last brain cells when I get asked a question at school

Natasha, talking in front of a camera: Yeah, so the Avengers are back together again. I think after two years we really needed a break to recollect and find ourselves individually. I think it really open ourselves a lot to each other :).

Meanwhile, Steve is coming from behind: WHO THE FUCK ATE ALL THE HOT POCKETS!

Tony, shoving the last entire hot pocket in front of him: What you gonna do about it?

Steve: *Screams*

Tony: *Steps on top of a stool and Screams higher to insert dominance*

Natasha: Ahh, it really feels like home whenever you’re around each other :).

hmmm