Here Is The Link! What An Amazing Idea ❤️

Would anyone be willing to provide a comprehensive list of every day bills? Trying to budget at least theoretically before I leave home but I’m dumb and don’t want to be blind sided

Birches. The Boys’ and Girls’ Readers: Seventh Reader. 1926. 

Internet Archive

Sorry if you've been asked stuff like this before, but do you use any special kind of brush for your art? Your lines always look so clean and smooth 🤩

Don't apologize, this isn't a question I get often! t's not a custom made brush or anything, I actually got it from the clip studio assets store and it's called Dubyupen! (https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1815271)

Here are my current settings for it as well if anyone's interested ♡

At the risk of sounding anti-intellectual, I think that college should be free and also not a requirement for employment outside of highly specialized career fields

Red flags for Love Bombing:

The person doing it is someone you met recently (days, weeks, month ago), or they recently decided they want to get closer to you

They decide that you’re perfect (friend, relationship partner, peer, employee, student) before actually taking the time to get to know you

They talk about you as if you know each other for a long time, and make statements about you as if they’ve known you forever

They talk about plans they have for you; they’d love to be closer, travel together, live together, meet you more often, some will even talk about marriage or some kind of partnership early on even though you’ve only met recently

You get a LOT of positive attention from them, to the point where you don’t feel the need to get positive attention from anyone else, and you end up giving your full attention to them

You feel like this is the person you’ve been waiting for, someone who sees everything good in you, you consider them special and feel flattered and grateful to finally get the attention you lacked for all this time

They always seem to say the perfect things, drop perfect lines you’ve been waiting to hear, to the point where it can sound like a movie or very idealized version of reality

You feel intensely reassured about your worth, your appearance, your value, your actions, your pain, it causes a rapid change in your daily feelings about yourself

You enjoy your new perception of yourself, but it’s completely tied to this one person who created it for you, and you don’t feel special or interesting or important out of that relationship, your identity is now tied to what they feel about you

You get the sense of ‘this feels to good to be true’ but you dismiss it because you don’t want to be suspicious or anxious about one good thing that finally happened to you

Their promises get overwhelming to the point where it doesn’t seem like they could possibly deliver them but they give you a chance to indulge yourself in daydreaming and wishful thinking and you hold onto that

You feel tied not only to this person, but to the future they’re promising, and even if you don’t know them for a very long time, you feel intensely about wanting to keep them in your life, do anything to not lose them and to keep the relationship as is

If you believe in soulmates, twin souls, or any new age spirituality, this person will feel like your destined one, or they might even suggest it themselves, that they were sent by an entity to 'fulfill you’ or 'destined for you’

Your life changed from how it normally was to the point where you feel like you have a life 'before’ and 'after you’ve met them’, you even kind forget who you were before them, as you find it’s painful and lonely life you don’t want to go back to

With time, you get anxious about their perspective of you changing, because it would shatter everything good you’ve started to think about yourself because of them

It’s very hard for you to think about them critically or in a negative way

If they started thinking badly of you or started mistreating you, your heart would break

Love bombing is a manipulative tactic of getting someone attached and dependent as quick as possible, and it’s done with over-the-top attention and affirmations, future faking, mirroring, and creating an idealized version of you without actually getting to know or understand you. The promises, feelings, gestures, imagined future and compliments are not real, they’re there so you would be invested enough to ignore any other red flags, to forget to context of the relationship, to bond to the point of not leaving even if it develops into abuse.

If you’ve fallen for it, do not feel guilty; this is designed to get your defenses down and to make you feel fulfilled to the point where your reasoning turns to mush and you grasp that break from being devalued and neglected all of the time like it’s a lifeline. It’s often impossible to resist the strong emotions and relief at being offered, however fake, positive attention. Previous victims of abuse, neglected children, mentally ill, autistic, or in any way vulnerable members of society are very susceptible to this, because they’re often the ones starved for attention and will not question the kind of attention they get because they need it too badly. Whoever uses this tactic is aware of this, and is ready to dangle affection in front of you in order to trap you into abuse. You are not responsible for falling for it, doing this to you is criminal. This is what a start of an abusive relationship looks like.

Screaming crying because I hate every piracy guide I come across on here.

If you found this post through the "based on your likes feature" you can find my guide here! Reblog that version of the post please.

Resources for LGBTQ+ Muslims

A few days ago, I came across a document I had created nearly a year ago when I was first beginning to seriously consider that I could be bisexual. In the document were a myriad of links and resources I had found that discussed being queerness and Muslim. I thought that these links and resources, which had taken me last year a while to compile, could inshAllah help any other Muslims who identify as queer, are questioning or are struggling to reconcile certain parts of their identity together. Some of these resources provide explicit reconciliation for LGBTQ+ Muslims, while others thoroughly explore several views of LGBTQ+ within Islam and the Muslim community, including views that are disagreeing, homophobic and/or hostile. InshAllah, I will add more as I find more. While I tried to look into these resources thoroughly, some of the longer ones were skimmed through at some parts. Anyone is welcomed to add more, and please, let me know if there are any problems found in this post and/or the resources listed below.

TW // Several of these resources either briefly mention or thoroughly discuss sexual violence, homophobia, transphobia, problematic age gaps, Islamophobia, assault, hate crimes, discrimination against the LGBTQ+ community, questionable/ambiguous age gaps and unbalanced power dynamics.

Platforms, Organizations and/or Guides That Contain a Multitude of Articles, Essays, Resources, Sermons, Stories of the Prophet (PBUH), Proofs from the Quran & Hadiths, or Groups for Muslims to Explore and Join:

Muslims for Progressive Values

Queer Jihad

Salaam Canada

I’m Muslim And I Might Not Be Straight

I’m Muslim And My Gender Doesn’t Fit Me

The Muslim Alliance for Sexual & Gender Diversity

Coming Home to Islam and to Self

Mecca Institute

Queer Muslim Resistance

Queer Muslim Reading Group

Resources Organized by Queer Muslim Resistance –> Highly, highly recommend this! The documents included in this folder explore films, books, podcasts, books, literature, accounts, poetry and many articles that are resources for queer Muslims.

What Imams/Scholars Have to Say:

There are 8 openly Gay imams in the world

A gay IMAM’S story: ‘the dialogue is open in Islam – 10 years ago it wasn’t’

Q&A: Islamic scholar Omar Suleiman on the Quran and homosexuality

Affirming mosques help gay Muslims RECONCILE Faith, sexuality

Essentialism and islamic theology of homosexuality: A critical reflection on an essentialist epistemology toward same-sex desires and acts in islam

Includes Evidence and/or References to the Quran and Hadiths:

Q&A: Islamic scholar Omar Suleiman on the Quran and homosexuality

Opinion | What Does Islam Say About Being Gay? (Published 2015)

Stances of Faiths on LGBTQ Issues: Islam - Sunni and Shi'a - HRC

Affirming mosques help gay Muslims RECONCILE Faith, sexuality

Essentialism and islamic theology of homosexuality: A critical reflection on an essentialist epistemology toward same-sex desires and acts in islam

Islamic Texts: A Source for Acceptance of Queer Individuals into Mainstream Muslim Society

The Qur’an, the Bible and homosexuality in Islam

A Muslim Non-Heteronormative Reading of the Story of Lot: Liberation Theology for LGBTIQ Muslims?

What’s wrong with being gay and Muslim?

Sexual Diversity in Islam

Homosexuality, Transidentity, and Islam

Queer Muslims (+ their experiences) and Community:

What’s wrong with being gay and Muslim?

Gay Muslims - How you can be LGBTQ+ and Muslim

What’s it like to be queer and Muslim? Let this photographer show you

Lut’s People: The struggle to be gay & Muslim in South Africa

As a trans Muslim, I used to feel vulnerable all the time. Then I found a community of people like me.

Persian poetry lovers

‘I feel caught in the middle’: queer Muslims on the LGBTQ lessons row

Just Me and Allah: A Queer Muslim Photo Project

How Queer Muslims are Rewriting Their Stories

Queer Muslim Heroes to Celebrate This Muslim Women’s Day

Queer Muslim Women Reflect On Navigating Their Faith and Sexuality

Queer Muslims Are Carving Out Their Space On TikTok

Why Samra Habib wrote a memoir about growing up as a queer Muslim woman — and it’s now a Canada Reads winner

Being a black, British, queer, non-binary Muslim isn’t a contradiction

Bangladesh opens first Islamic school for transgender Muslims

Affirming mosques help gay Muslims RECONCILE Faith, sexuality

Interview: Summayah Dawud talks about being a transgender Muslim woman

“It’s between me and Allah!”: Queer Muslims explain how they reconcile faith with love

Homosexuality, Transidentity, and Islam

Views Throughout History:

A historical look at attitudes to homosexuality in the Islamic world

Gay Sex Didn’t Scare Muslims in Islam’s Golden Age

Medieval Arab Lesbians and Lesbian-Like Women

The Amazing Way Islamic Middle Ages Celebrated Lesbian Loves

How homosexuality became a crime in the Middle East

Vanishing Source Materials and Medieval Arabic Lesbianism, by Boyda Johnstone

The Historical Context and Reception of the First Arabic-Lesbian Novel, I Am You, by Elham Mansour

Study examines the same-sex relationships of Medieval Arab Women

Persian poetry lovers

Sexual Diversity in Islam

The Qur’an, the Bible and homosexuality in Islam

Literature and Poetry:

A historical look at attitudes to homosexuality in the Islamic world

Gay Sex Didn’t Scare Muslims in Islam’s Golden Age

Study examines the same-sex relationships of Medieval Arab Women

How homosexuality became a crime in the Middle East

Vanishing Source Materials and Medieval Arabic Lesbianism, by Boyda Johnstone

Persian poetry lovers

For Queer Muslims, Islamic Poetry Represents Solace and Acceptance

Male-Male Love in Classical Arabic Poetry (Chapter 6) - The Cambridge History of Gay and Lesbian Literature

Persian Literature from Homoeroticism to Representations of the LGBT Community: an Introduction

The Amazing Way Islamic Middle Ages Celebrated Lesbian Loves

If I see explicit hate of any kind (from TERFs, or promoting transphobia, Islamophobia, homophobia, racism and/or discrimination of any kind), I will report and block.

Collocation anon here! I was referring to phrases that use specific words that just kind of “sound right” to native speakers but they’re different from what we would say. Like “tomar una decisión” instead of “hacer una decisión” when we would say “to make a decision” in English

Ahh okay gotcha

When I hear collocation I think "verbal phrases" or "noun phrases", words that kind of become joined to form a new word or phrase like compound nouns or specific idioms but okay!

I think a lot of times it comes down to people putting their existing grammatical knowledge onto the language they're learning.

It's very common to bring our own knowledge and experiences into learning so it becomes something you have to understand and break or recognize.

I personally struggle with formality because in English "you" is all we have, regardless of formality. When I say "you" I typically use tú as my first instinct because it's taught more than usted

That's sort of what I mean by bringing our frameworks into other languages

-

Though I will say "to take a decision" is sometimes used more in British English and in some more formal contexts!

Every so often an odd-sounding literal expression will have a British or older English antecedent... or ancestor is maybe a bit more accurate.

There are times when I'll be hearing something in an English drama and I'm like "ah that makes sense now" connecting something in Spanish.

It's not a collocation but for example aquí is "here" and acá is "here", but acá is a direction word and it could be "over here" or "nearer"... in older English it is understood as "hither" like "come hither" is directly ven acá "come here / come over here"

-

I think an earlier more confusing one is llamarse for names.

In English we're so used to "I am" as in soy but you hear me llamo Ana or me llamo Marco for introducing yourself.

It reads as "I call myself" literally

Another big one is when people want to use qué instead of cuál

As in "What's your name?" in Spanish is ¿Cuál es tu nombre? literally "which is your name?" ... not that qué isn't understood, but the implication is that you obviously have a name, so which one is yours?

Same thing with surnames, phone numbers, addresses (and email addresses which are "electronic addresses")

This also (to me) kind of makes more sense in an older feudalistic society. In Catholic societies people tended to take names from the Bible or the names of saints or angels. And not everyone had a last name, so it was like "Which house do you belong to (if any)?" so there's a bit of a historical aspect there too, especially when surnames could be given by place names or cities, or by geographic terms. It got a bit messy.

-

People also struggle with reflexives and body parts when it comes to autonomy of body parts

As in me lavo las manos is literally "I wash myself the hands", and that makes sense in most Western languages, even German, that particular construction

In English we say "I wash my hands", we don't often use reflexives like that, so people who are learning reflexives with body parts like "I wash my face", "I shave my legs", "I brush my teeth", "I comb my hair" are very tempted to use the possessives

In Spanish the reflexives mark autonomy already, if it's "I wash myself" or "I shave myself" or "I brush/comb myself" then it couldn't be anyone else's body parts.

You could say something like "I wash her face" but that's a direct object one subject acting on another... not reflexive where the subject and object are the same. In Spanish me lavo la cara is "I wash MYSELF" so I am doing the washing and I am being washed, it's just la cara that's the thing being washed... but in Spanish grammar, your body parts ARE also you, which makes sense

But it's a little confusing for English-speakers because we phrase things differently in our grammar

-

The other one that trips people up a lot is gustar in the context of "to like". We say "I like" as if it were a simple verbal construction

In Spanish with the indirect object me gusta(n) comes out as "it pleases me" or "they please me"

Don't even get me started on "I like you" which is me gustas literally "you please me"... and "you like me" te gusto literally "I please you"

That trips a lot of people up and, honestly, same. To me it feels weird and unnatural to phrase it that impersonally because I'm so used to treating it like a direct object in English

-

Oh gosh let me think there are a lot, and not just idioms, but I find a lot of the main issues I personally have are prepositions:

enamorarse de alguien = to fall in love with someone [lit. "to fall in love OF someone"]

soñar con algo/alguien = to dream of something/someone [lit. "to dream WITH something/someone"]

parecerse a algo/alguien = to resemble something/someone [lit. "to look like/to appear TO something/someone]

Prepositional verbs are really difficult

-

A few could be like special verbal phrases like ponerse or echar(se) when used with actions. The verb ponerse has a lot of uses but it's often "to become" or "to set to", and echar(se) literally reads as "to fling (oneself)"

But for example:

ponerse a llorar = to burst into tears

echar a perder = to waste / to go to waste

For English-speakers we would be tempted to use reventar "to burst", but literally ponerse a llorar is like "to set oneself to crying"

echar a perder comes out a bit weird because it's "to throw to loss", and we'd be tempted to just use the simpler verb forms malgastar "to waste" [lit. "to spend badly"], or desperdiciar "to waste"

echar a perder can also mean "to spoil" or "to ruin", which most English-speakers would take arruinar "to ruin"

Other times echarse comes out in like "to take a nap" or "to lie down" depending on the region, where it seems very literally "to

-

Now I will say there are a few verbal phrases that translate a bit differently literally depending on your intention:

1. beber café = to drink coffee

2. tomar café = to drink coffee

Both of these are correct grammatically and linguistically, but in a conversation they come across differently

beber as "to drink" reads as more of the function

tomar as "to drink" [where it literally means "to take"]; if I read tomar café or especially tomar un café I interpret it as "to have a cup of coffee" which can include the idea of relaxation or enjoyment

The same exists with "water", "tea" or any kind of alcohol or shots. It can imply literally "ingesting", but it can and often does imply some kind of enjoyment, usually like private relaxation or public social engagement. There's a bit of an unspokenness in there.

I kind of think of it similar to how comer with food can read as mechanical like "to eat/feed", while comerse with food is often what native speakers use for something you are eating for more than just nutrition. In English we kind of say "to have" for this, like "have some cake" instead of "eat some cake"

tomar also gets used in other contexts where it can be "to take in"

tomar (el) aire = to get some air, to get some fresh air

tomar (el) sol = to sunbathe, to bask in the sun

In these cases, specifically tomar el aire I would say there's a bit more of an emotional component where it's not just "to breathe" like "to take in air"

It's similar to tomar un respiro which is "to take a breath" but it could also come out like "to take a break". If I read tomar el aire I kind of get the impression that someone is either just enjoying some time by themselves, or they're overwhelmed and need a break but it's more of a translation thing I suppose

-

The most confusing collocations are the expressions with hacer, tener, and dar because they're so common:

tener hambre = to be hungry

tener sed = to be thirsty

tener X años = to be X years old

tener gracia = (for something) to be funny

tener suerte = to be lucky

tener miedo = to be afraid/scared

tener razón = to be right

tener que (hacer algo) = to have to (do something)

tener calor = to be hot (internal feeling)

tener frío = to be cold (internal feeling)

tener sueño = to be sleepy [lit. "to have sleepiness" where el sueño could be "dream" or "sleepiness" or "drowsiness", and in some cases could be understood as a noun "sleep"]

Especially because tener means "to have", and we interpret ser as "to be". Age is a big confusing one for English-speakers obviously.

But again, older English, tener razón sounds a whole lot like "to have the right of it", though it literally is "to have reason" so you can make some connections here and there

-

hacer is probably the most idiomatic of these in that it can be extremely confusing when you're first starting out to see "to do/make" used with weather

hacer calor = to be hot (weather)

hacer frío = to be cold (weather)

hacer viento = to be windy

hacer fresco = to be chilly

hacer sol = to be sunny

Not to mention when hace/hacía can be used as "ago"... like hace dos años que no te veo "it's been two years since I've seen you" / "I haven't seen you for "two years"

Literally that's "two years it makes that I don't see you"

The idea of "ago" trips people up a lot

Also connected is llevar in the context of "to spend time"... llevo muchos años estudiando español "I've been studying Spanish for many years"... Literally "I carry/spend many years studying Spanish"

You could use he estado estudiando español por/durante muchos años but it's a little wordier

-

dar can be difficult because it means "to give" but in some cases can be "to strike" or "to hit (against)"

dar pena = to make someone feel bad/ashamed [lit. "to give pain/sorrow/shame"]

dar miedo = to be scary [lit. "to give fear"]

dar asco = to disgust, to repulse [lit. "to cause revulsion"]

dar a luz = to give birth [lit. "to give to light"]

darse prisa = to hurry, to rush [lit. "to give oneself haste/hurry"]

dar las 12 (doce) = "for the clock to strike 12"

If you're reading Cenicienta "Cinderella" al dar las doce is like "at the stroke of midnight"; we have to remember that dar here is likely referring to the action of "hitting" a bell which would ring out the hour. When a clock "strikes" or "chimes", that can be done with dar but we tend not to think of a physical strike

dar en el clavo = "to hit the nail on the head"

darse con alguien = "to run into someone", to meet someone (often by chance), to encounter [lit. "to hit against (with) someone"; it carries a literal meaning like "to run into", and darse con algo might mean "to hit up against" or "to run into (a thing)" often a wall or an obstacle]

dar en el blanco / dar en la diana = to hit the bullseye [lit. el blanco here is not "the white" it means "the target"; and la diana is "a bullseye", most likely related to Diana, goddess of the hunt in Roman mythology; just like in English it could be to literally hit a bullseye like archery, or it could be "to be right" or "to get it right"]

-

This one I think does make some sense but nos vemos is often translated in the future tense; it comes out like "see you" or "we'll see each other soon", but literally it's "we see each other"

It can be a bit hard to explain but present tense can be short-term future

Secondly, nos vemos gets translated a bunch of different ways as a default goodbye - "see you", "see you later", "see you soon", "bye" etc. so that also doesn't help

But many languages have this kind of reflexive notion, sort of like Italian arrivederci where literally that ci is an "us/we" marker for reflexives in Italian

-

And there are others I could list and probably will when I think of some to put in a list as a reply

Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with a FP?

Absolutely, yes! This is a list of how I manage that. Keep in mind that everyone is different and if certain things don't work for you, that's completely valid.

Please see this post if you aren't sure what a FP is.

One of the first things is that even though it may be uncomfortable, diversify your relationships! Have different people that you have different similarities with. For example, maybe you really love a certain show, well making friends in the fandom might be a way to have someone to talk to about that interest.

Focus on your own hobbies. It's important to try and find a way to be happy on your own.

Practice your DBT skills. There are so many different skills useful for different situations. Here is a page I am working on of definitions of different skills. If one skill doesn't work for you, please don't give up on DBT skills. I've tried a lot of different skills, and a lot of them don't work for me but some work really well.

Focus on keeping the relationship mutual. By this I mean make sure that you’re respecting their boundaries, consent and meeting their needs too (as long this doesn’t infringe on your own. If your needs conflict, that’s a bit more complicated and may require compromise.)

Teach yourself not to rely solely on them. It's important to work on things where you don't feel abandoned when they can't give you their attention. (This is where DBT skills are likely to come in handy.)

Work on your self-soothing. If your brain spirals that they don't care, work on curbing impulses associated with that(hint check out my urge surfing post here). Don't send them messages like "clearly you don't care!" Here are some tips for self-soothing that I've written about in the past.

Communicate directly. Don't hint at things. This can be exhausting, and frustrating to the other person. I know we feel awkward asking for things, but trust me that from being on the other end of this as well, I feel so much better if someone asks me directly.

Make sure your expectations are realistic. If you find your expectations are not being met, rather than getting angry at your FP try and step back and see if your expectations are realistic. If you determine they are, try and proceed with communicating with your FP when you're feeling calm.

Be willing to apologize and admit when you're wrong. This goes without saying, but people mess up. People make mistakes. And you aren't bad if that happens. But it's important to be able to acknowledge that and apologize to the other person without excuses.

This is not an exhaustive list by any means, but I hope this helps!