"Even Before Laurent Had Hit The Ground, The Man Had Drawn His Sword. Damen Was Too Far Away. He Was

Can you imagine how terrifying it must have been to be Hope in Chapter 4? He’s following this chick because he rightfully acknowledges that she is a badass and can probably help him get stronger, but this chick also resents his presence the whole way. She almost abandons him completely.  

He was almost abandoned for real. 

In the most dangerous place still in Cocoon. 

He isn’t yet the Hope he is at the end of the game and nowhere close to the Hope of FFXIII-2 that could convince an entire Academy to follow his lead.  

His story almost ended there in the Hanging Edge.

It hurts my feelings that he begs Lightning to take him with her, that he says “I’ll try harder, I’ll get stronger…” Just don’t leave me. is the silent plea at the end. After all, what reason does he have to believe that she wouldn’t when he has already watched her walk away from Snow, who she is connected with through her sister, without even looking back and then left him once already? 

He knows that this time there is no Sazh and Vanille following after them. They parted ways. Hope knows that no one will find him if she does actually leave him behind. The stakes are so much higher.

So, when Lightning decides to allow him to keep following her, Hope’s relief is so potent and painful. “Oh, thank god, she likes me after all,” is the joke I made at seeing it this go-round but, in reality, he was likely thinking of how he could stay useful to her, how he could prove to her that he could toughen up. 

I don’t believe Lightning would have actually left him considering that Odin came because she was growing desperate. Lightning has already been established as a protector with Serah. She entered herself into the Purge and took on a Pulse fal’cie all for the sake of her sister. Odin targeted Hope the moment he appeared. The Datapad says that she moves without thinking to protect him. There are multiple times when Odin attacks Hope and you, as Lightning, have to heal him; in those moments, Odin’s bar goes up faster. (It takes a significant jump when you use magic. Just attacking him as Commando will not impress him.) 

"Even if it was a lie. I wanted Qianqiu to remember that his benevolence toward Xianle was reciprocated. To believe that doing the right thing will open endless paths. Not like now, where he thinks everything I told him and everything he believed in was all false, lies, and deception. That everything was fucking nonsense! I just...I don't want to see anyone go through what I've already had enough of."

But in the end, who was killed was killed, who was murdered was murdered. However just the reason, however compelling the reason, the truth was that he'd killed, with his own hands, an honorable king who had truly wanted to eradicate discrimination, as well as the last blood descendant of his clan in this world.

xie lian's breakdown in all its fucking glory

So pretty, must reblog to save

Takes lots of time cuz things happen but alas Im done~

I love @poppingsoop.bsky.social Taihua n SHTB design 🥺💕💕💕 and got inspired. Also lol I'm bad at designing, nyeh dun care, just wanna have fun~ xD

Just our boy's face, actually being taken off guard for once because Xie Lian recognizing him in any way seemed beyond him for all these years. ☺️

He spent his childhood thinking Xie Lian wouldn't remember anything about him, perhaps even HOPING His Highness wouldn't remember him because of how ashamed he was to even exist. He spent his life ridiculed, looked down upon, and thought himself ugly and cursed, but Xie Lian treated him well all the same. He was surprised when he learned Xie Lian didn't even know he was kicked out of the army, thinking Xie Lian had personally given up on him, only to be relieved that he wasn't aware (and had even recommended him, so yeah dick move there Mu Qing, you deserved a few punches).

Xie Lian didn't even seem to connect the bandaged child to the young bandaged soldier, then he wasn't recognized as a little ghost flame or a Wrath as Wuming. Hua Cheng thought his love for Xie Lian would be seen as just another horrendous part of him, but he could still indulge in it so long as Xie Lian never knew. He's so terrified of Xie Lian finding out about his obsession that helped him become a Supreme that he nearly misses Xie Lian being put under a spell and is scared to let him free just because of his fear of rejection. He immediately says he'll destroy the murals and divine statues before Xie Lian finally beats it into his head that he doesn't want them destroyed and wasn't averse to any of it from the start - just a little surprised and amazed.

Our boy was nervous to show his true form for the first time, suave as he played it off, still thinking he's going to be too ugly and tainted to be worthy of Xie Lian's attention, or to just not be memorable at all. He's constantly worried about hurting him, offending him, or showing horrible sides of himself, but by the time we get to Qi Rong, Hua Cheng has an even bigger grudge against him than Mu Quing and actually gets really angry - to the point that Xie Lian even notices. While he's just trying to clear Xie Lian's name, he goes to the effort of paralyzing him and forcing the truth to come out, which is a huge betrayal of trust and the only time he seriously goes against Xie Lian's wishes. Hua Cheng is fine with being the bad guy to do the dirty work so Xie Lian never has to, so he's even MORE shocked that Xie Lian stands up for him in that moment because at that point, the illusion of a kind stranger has begun to crack, and there's no going back.

Xie Lian is absolutely willing to be the bad guy just to make sure others aren't punished, even if one of them fought for a pretty lie and the other fought for the ugly truth. Remember that Hua Cheng knows basically nothing of the 800 years after almost dying as Wuming and becoming a Supreme, since even all his resources couldn't find Xie Lian while he was unaffiliated with the Heavenly Court - probably Xie Lian's awful luck making him nearly impossible to track down until Hua Cheng got some godly(ghostly?) luck to counteract it (also probably the same reason Xie Lian never mamaged to hear about this famous "Ghost King Hua Cheng Crimson Rain Sought Flower" dude, since the human realm doesn't keep up with that stuff); only his third ascension allowed him to find Xie Lian again, and Xie Lian has gone through even more tragedies that Hua Cheng doesn't even know about.

Hua Cheng seems to have forgotten that Xie Lian is more like him than his idolized memories would have him believe. Xie Lian is willing to fight for what he believes in - and he's freaking STRONG and SKILLED enough to do it, he's just purposefully asked to be hindered and contains himself whenever possible - not just a passenger to his fate, and he will care for Hua Cheng whether he's a monster or a beast because they're friends, not even with anything more being involved. Our prince is used to being ridiculed and targeted, especially by his cousin, but badmouth his friends and get slapped!

Anyway so the above image lives rent-free in my head nbd

Ok, I am never gonna be over this moment.

I wanna know exactly what Hua Cheng is thinking with this look on his face!!

I want first class premium access to all the thoughts racing in his brain rn because... man....

Hua Cheng has never expected Xie Lian to return his affection and love or to defend him or to fight for him, yet Xie Lian starts feeling it and showing it more and more, as he inevitably falls deeply for Hua Cheng. Now that Xie Lian is in his life again and it's no longer one-sided, it's too much for him. You can tell he hasn't planned for this.

In the novel, he says at some point later down the line that he wants to become stronger to win over his beloved, but he didn't actually realize that 1. it would be so soon and 2. Xie Lian would also feel the need to defend him.

Hua Cheng would give the whole world to Xie Lian without even expecting a "thanks", so when Xie Lian starts actually reciprocating his actions more and more, it leaves him speechless and heart-eyed every time.

They both love each other so much, but don't realize how worthy they are of each other's love and care.

I am in love HuaLian's love!

A Long Rant About Why Hope and Snow’s Arc is Brilliant

"You've changed, haven't you? Seems like you've toughened up."

"I'm a l'Cie. I had to."

"The only ones that ought to be fighting the army…are us dumb grown-ups."

"You think it's stupid to fight?"

"It is if you get killed. Anyway, just lay low. Let the dummies duke it out. The army's no match for NORA, right?"

"He was…he was smiling!"

Let's talk about this. LET US TALK ABOUT THIS!

In just one scene this game managed to make you believe that Hope and Snow are going to implode.

Right before this, when Hope was with Lightning, Hope was on the path to healing. He'd confessed what happened to his mother - for the first time since the incident, I might add, - and how much he hates Snow. The Gapra Whitewood alone is amazing but let's stay focused.

Lightning and Hope are brilliant together, with Lightning seeing what her influence as a role model is doing to an innocent kid. She's a maternal figure, both to her sister and eventually to Hope, but she's been running from her failure to save and believe in her sister as well as losing her entire home and identity. She finally realizes that the warpath she's on is unhealthy and the wrong path for her. Maybe she'd succeed in toppling the Sanctum, maybe she wouldn't have, but an enemy and a goal are things she can kill and accomplish.

The only problem is Hope. When she gives him the advice that she herself is following, to control her emotions, find an end goal and block out everything else, she starts to see how unhealthy her choices are both physically and mentally. She's sent Hope on a warpath, and when she finally announces that "I made a mistake!", Hope is still left angry, thinking there's nothing left if he doesn't have anyone to fight. Hope is shouting at her "Then what battles do we fight? And against who?!"

When she finally convinces Hope to calm down, he says "I'm sorry, I messed up" and you can feel his anger slowly fading as he regains his reason. At the end of that section, Hope's final words are, "Snow believed Serah, didn't he?" That one line demonstrates how Hope is willing to see past his first impressions of Snow and listen to who he is as a person, that maybe Snow really was just trying to save everyone. Both Lightning and Hope together are on the path to forgiving Snow and healing for their own sake.

Then, the next scene happens. They're reminded of how little hope they have of surviving, how they're on the run, how Rosch reminds the army that they aren't people, they're targets. Lightning immediately volunteers to sacrifice herself if it will give Hope a chance to live and find himself in whatever time he has left - "You survive."

Snow was a bonus, since she doesn't want Hope with her while she takes on the whole army and draws their fire so Hope can get away, but leaving him with Snow is safer than bringing her with him. She chucks him at Snow saying "Take care of him", knowing Hope will be uncomfortable but he'll be protected. She likely didn't account for Fang following her and hadn't intended Hope to be left alone with Snow.

Fun bonus is that when Hope is thrown off of Shiva and the soldiers converge on him, Hope rises to his feet and is already in a battle stance. When Snow last saw this kid, he cowered at nothing but the hopelessness of their situation, much less a soldier aiming their weapon at him, but now Hope was fully ready to kick those guys' butts if Snow hadn't intervened. And so began the slow descent as Hope started seeing everything he hated in Snow - Snow automatically assumed he couldn't defend himself, that Snow needed to save the day.

Hope had begun to forgive Snow, hearing Lightning coming to the realization that he believed Serah when no one else did and believed in her when she was ready to give up because of her fate. Then Snow is back in his arrogant glory, treating Hope like a kid because he hasn't seen all the growth Hope has gone through. Lightning treated him like a kid until Odin happened and she started properly supporting him to grow stronger rather than just "babysitting" him. She talked to Hope like he was an adult with a little less life experience - which is how you should be treating a kid as smart as Hope.

Then the scene comes up.

But Snow keeps calling him "partner" in their battle quotes and taking charge when Hope clearly already knows what he's doing now thanks to Lightning.

Hope is a bit confused at where Snow's been and what he's been up to with a branch of the army trying to kill them, but he's passive aggressive at best. Just because he doesn't want to kill Snow anymore doesn't mean he has to like him. Snow does not get the hint, still seeing Hope as just a kid and he has a right to teen angst considering all he's been through.

"The only ones that ought to be fighting the army…are us dumb grown-ups."

From Snow's perspective: he's telling Hope that kids shouldn't have to go through such a horrible thing, to have the whole army training their guns on you and calling you nothing but a target. Hope shouldn't have to be running for his life, taking on the military that's supposed to be protecting citizens and kids like him. Adults are just dumb like that, getting ourselves into trouble. Kids should be smarter than that - be smarter than that, Hope.

From Hope's perspective: Snow just called any adult who tries to fight the army a fool - including his mother when she volunteered to help fight their way out of the Purge. She fought because Snow asked for volunteers (he knows but often forgets that her main reason for joining was to keep Hope safe; Snow hadn't even thought of asking for volunteers until a bunch of people asked to help them). He just called Nora a fool for fighting to save Hope’s life at Snow’s behest.

"You think it's stupid to fight?"

"It is if you get killed."

Whew we're just gonna stop right there mid-sentence. In those two sentences we managed to create two sides of a conversation that perfectly encapsulate the miscommunication between Hope and Snow that’s driving a 14-year-old kid into a murderous rage even after he'd begun a path to healing.

Snow just called adults stupid for fighting the army, then he goes and pushes it further by saying that it’s only really stupid if you get killed. From Snow's perspective, this is a perfectly reasonable thing to say. It helps no one if you run into battle and get killed - no matter if it's just your life on the line or if you have others you're trying to protect. The people you're trying to protect don't necessarily benefit from your sacrificing yourself by throwing yourself at the enemy in a desperate kamikaze, and Hope himself shouldn't just give up on his life even when the army has them outnumbered and they have no plan - he'll find hope to go forward, he should never just give up and go out in a blaze of rageful spite.

From Hope's perspective, that idiot just insulted his mother! He just called Nora stupid for fighting the army even though she had multiple good reasons to have volunteered - Snow asking for volunteers and putting civilians into the line of fire (even though they were already and Nora joined for Hope and it was entirely her choice). Then he calls her especially stupid because she got herself killed.

In essence, Snow just voiced the thoughts of everyone who hates on Nora's character in general. “She was a MOTHER, what was she DOING volunteering to FIGHT, “Moms are tough”? psssh she DIED, what an idiot.”

I was angry for Hope in that moment, man. I was ready to stab Snow too.

"Anyway, just lay low. Let the dummies duke it out. The army's no match for NORA, right?"

Ooof, and then we have the final line where Snow uses the name NORA as his acronym for "No Obligations, Rules, or Authority." As Lightning had told Hope in the Gapra Whitewood, (let me quote the datalog entry for that moment): “They wish to live without restrictions, she explains, though some might argue that what they really wish is to live without responsibility.” This means that Snow just used NORA in the context of ignoring the responsibility of those who he himself brought into the battle under his leadership. He was in charge of those volunteers, including Nora, but now he acts as though he’s forgotten all of the weight of their deaths that were directly or indirectly his fault.

So in conclusion, Snow just insulted Nora Estheim in three different ways in the span of one short conversation. Nice going, bud.

To be clear, it’s made very obvious in the beginning that Snow is absolutely crushed by the guilt of everyone who died under his command. Nora in particular has traumatized him because he blames himself for letting her fall out of his grip (see this post for that rant). Snow isn't a children's cartoon character telegraphing his every thought and the lesson you need to learn from him; he's repressing his feelings and he's very good at hiding it. He is brilliant at acting like he's happy and fine and running away from the guilt because if he let it crush him, more people would get hurt because he was too distracted and didn't protect them.

His breakdown when Hope presses him explains the final puzzle piece: he didn’t know how to possibly atone - so he just kept avoiding it.

“There is nothing that can make something like that right again. When someone’s dead, when someone’s gone, words are useless…I know! It’s all my fault! But I don’t know how to fix it! Where do you start? What do you say?”

When Hope finally wakes up, Snow has finally come to terms with his guilt and confesses it outright. It was his fault Nora died, he shouldn’t have said a lot of what he said before about words being useless, how he could never make up for someone dying so he needed to keep going.

“I thought if I couldn’t make up for it, then all the apologies in the world wouldn’t mean thing. So I decided I had to find a way to pay for it first, before I’d even have the right to say sorry. But, it’s like you said. I was using that as an excuse, so I could run from my own guilt.”

Snow finally acknowledges that he’s been running, that Nora’s death is his fault, and notice that he hands Hope Lightning’s knife, telling him to dish out any punishment he wants. Hope could kill Snow right then and there, but instead, he just finally confesses, “She’s gone, Snow.”

Hope closes the knife. He lets go of his hate.

Let’s quote the datalog again, because no one likes reading except me, apparently, but the datalog has genuinely brilliant writing: “He didn’t survive this long to see revenge - he saw revenge as a means to survive.”

Palumpolum concludes three character arcs:

Lightning

She admits how she snapped from losing Serah and her life all at once and went down a dangerous warpath (dragging Hope along with her)

She finds a new goal in surviving to see Serah wake up

She apologizes to Snow!

Hope

He gathered the strength to pin the blame on Snow despite knowing it was the Sanctum’s fault for killing her, despite knowing killing him wouldn’t bring her back

He acknowledges that he went down the wrong path, even if he did it to survive

He accepts his mother’s death

He forgives Snow

Snow

He admits that Nora’s death is his fault and that he’s been running from the guilt of not only her but many who died because of him

He was too overwhelmed by the idea that he didn’t know how to atone for his actions, so he just kept avoiding his responsibility

He faces the consequences, apologizes even knowing that it won’t fix everything

Anyway, if you made it this far, here’s a picture of some chocobos and sheep just hanging out in order to form a barrier:

On the next edition of Final Fantasy XIII actually had really good character arcs: Sugar and Rainbows

Look at our boy suffering for love

Since San Lang literally has dice with teleportation arrays that can take him anywhere he wants, this has to be the first time in 800 years that he's had to actually WALK from point A to point B. Supposedly ghosts are affected by too much sunlight; that doesn't seem like it would get to Hua Cheng with his power level, yet you can't deny our boy looks miserable.

I think he's most upset that this whole trek is happening because SOMEONE doesn't have enough spiritual magic to get them right where they wanna go. He might have even been fine with an extended trip if it was just him and Xie Lian, but those other two had to butt in. No wonder moments after this he's immediately picking a fight to make himself feel better.

Sleeping in Puqi shrine? Easy, gonna win over Xie Lian in no time

Trudging across the desert for hours on end? Gege, I'm going to die again please have mercy

Hope’s little foot stomp when he is venting at Snow is just adorable. Like this little 14 year old wants to be taken seriously and he stomps his foot, immediately ruining the effect. He is throwing his frustration and grief around–understandably–but he is also kicking a hornet’s nest by saying it is all Serah’s fault that they are l’cie. He’s a kid; he doesn’t have all the pieces of the puzzle, but none of them do. All Hope sees is this dude that got his mother killed, running around talking about saving Serah and all of Cocoon when this buffed up bastard couldn’t even save his mother. 

He’s been in a constant state of fear since getting off the train; then watching his mother walk away to join the resistance, watching his mother die, and then getting kidnapped essentially by Vanille, and talked into going onto a fal’cie vestige. He’s likely never seen half of the animals that he ends up fighting alongside Vanille; and we know that he’s never seen Cie’th or a Fal’Cie. Of course, he is terrified.  It doesn’t help that he is surrounded by strangers who have thus far: 1) failed to save his mother and keeps running around seemingly only consumed with his own self-interest; 2) attempted to help what he (and most of Cocoon even Sazh) believe to be the enemy of Cocoon and has at least once struck another person in front of him for saying something she didn’t agree with and then straight up attacked a Fal’Cie. 

He didn’t feel safe a second into that journey; he hid behind Vanille when things got bad and stuck to her like glue in the vestige. Instead of finding comfort in the adults’ presence, he latched onto someone he had just met that night who acts even younger than him and is the one that talked him into going on the vestige in the first place. Hope is adrift and is searching for any kind of substitute for a lifeboat that he can find.     

It’s not surprising that finding out he is now a l’cie himself is a last straw. He likely hasn’t been able to come to terms with the fact that his mother and he were in the Purge at all, much less dealt with his grief or rage over his mother’s death. It’s a lot for the adults to handle. To expect Hope to handle it the same as his older, non-riddled with hormones companions is completely unfair. Even Sazh asks “why me” about being turned into a fal’cie, even Lightning rages against her sister’s and her own fate. 

In short, Hope is fourteen, dealing with multiple stressors at once, cut the boy some slack.   

Person A: "I'll take you apart with my teeth."

Person B: "...In a sexy way or a cannibalistic way?"

Person A: *smiling* "One of those, yes."

Optional Person A responses:

"Why not both?"

"It's a surprise."

Just "Yes."

She be amazing, where the lazy?

Umm Fem Yan Wushi

Then got lazy xD

This realization does happen early enough between the second and third book and thus gives us time to watch Damen react to his own changing perspective as well.

You can watch when Damen witnesses the scheming that Laurent's had to put up with, being framed for attacking a village, prompting retaliation, and even his efforts to find the real culprits being turned against him too. Damen is still a prince; he's not naive enough to not recognize that Laurent is facing opposition from almost every direction and has been forced to become a stone-cold bitch because everyone he's ever been kind to or relied upon has been threatened, killed, or systematically turned against him.

Damen sees the horrors of the border, where the people in Delpha are still Veretian at heart, no matter what someone drawing borders on a map says. He is heartbroken to see his own people happy to slaughter innocents just because of the feud between the kingdoms. Damen doesn't just become forced to rethink Laurent, he's forced to rethink Vere as a whole as well as his own ignorance of the things Laurent has been embroiled within for years now.

Damen is smart enough to comprehend what it all means, and he's strong enough to go through the existential crisis of admitting to himself that maybe he, and the way his father raised him, were WRONG. Damen is strong enough to let go of his pride and LEARN, and that's what makes him a worthy prince - as well as someone who is capable of falling in love with Laurent and having Laurent fall in love with him, despite Laurent's best efforts to hate him.

~Rant incoming as always~

And because I'm a Laurent lover myself:

When they are forced to get along in Prince's Gambit, you can see all the moments Laurent is shocked how hard Damen fights for him, how he doesn't escape or betray Laurent the moment he has the chance, and how Laurent really is weak to not just loyalty but competence. Damen absolutely can defeat him through sheer strength, even though Laurent has spent the last six years trying to prepare himself to kill Damen, and he doubts his own ability to outmaneuver Damen in a fight because he's blinded by his own inferiority complex that the Regent has instilled into him by force and that Laurent has to systematically unlearn.

Now, Laurent has to come to terms with the fact that if Damen's loyalties turn against him as well, Laurent's heart might not be able to take it either. Laurent is literally vulnerable to Damen in every way imaginable, and he's pissed. He covers it through sarcasm and banter, like when Damen admits he could grab Laurent and turn him over to Makedon's passing troops, but then is honestly relieved when Damen DOESN'T BETRAY HIM, AGAIN. Damen actually kills one of his own people by throwing a sword in a completely irrational maneuver, and you know Laurent is going through shit when you consider that he must think Damen only supports him because Laurent is just better than the Regent, the lesser of two evils, the spare prince that's only worthy because Auguste is dead...but maybe Damen also is just that good of a person.

Remember that Laurent isn't fooled by Damen's "undercover" identity for a second, so he's seething at the idea that Damen is the only one he can be honest with, if only because it's in Damen's best interests to not betray Laurent. He's coping with the idea that he and Damen would have absolutely gotten along if there wasn't this massive gap of them being from opposing kingdoms but also the matter of Auguste.

Once Damen's identity gets exposed and Laurent is like "Yes, I know, asshole, you're not exactly subtle", Laurent becomes a defensive bitch again for the first half of Kings Rising because the two of them really do have to confront that Damen killed Auguste and incidentally ruined Laurent's life. It wasn't personal, Damen had no idea any of that would lead to the other things - he had no control over the Regent's actions, and killing Auguste was just killing the enemy in wars they didn't start and didn't have the option to just sit down and talk about.

Damen trying to say, "He died quickly," and Laurent's immediate defensive reply, "Like gutting a pig?" OOOOOFF FUCK LAURENT THAT WAS MY HEART

Damen and Laurent beating the shit out of each other as Laurent tries to kill him, but he has to yield and admit he would have died if Damen wanted him dead, but Laurent saying he'd rather have just died never getting to know Damen as a person because Auguste was everything to him and dying would be easier than seeing how he and Damen could have gotten along only to be denied it. Then Damen ending the confrontation with, "I wish..." AND HE CAN'T FINISH BECAUSE HE KNOWS WISHING WON'T CHANGE ANYTHING

Damen KNOWS he ruined Laurent's life by killing Auguste but he also knows it wasn't personal to him, but it became MASSIVELY personal to Laurent. He regrets it, he knows he regrets it, but regretting won't bring Auguste or Laurent's childhood back.

The cherry on top comes as Laurent fights Kastor and Damen realizes that Laurent absolutely IS AND WAS skilled enough to beat Damen in a fight, he was just being held back by his own emotions (and maybe a knife wound to the shoulder) making him desperate and sloppy. Laurent killing Kastor essentially makes them even as they each took a brother from one another; on the one hand their fates were *necessary* to make Damen and Laurent who they are today, but on the other hand - at what cost?

Laurent being told by Damen that he's a worthy prince by the one person he thinks he can't overcome, in contrast to the Regent telling him he isn't worthy and trying to force him to admit that he can't overcome his uncle - when in reality Laurent IS able to overcome them both.

Ugh, the extras when we finally get to see Laurent acting like a young man who can let his walls down and grieve, who can mess around with flowers and put himself beneath someone he loves without fear, who can just start throwing olives into a barfight for the miniscule layer of chaos. I love him. Damen loves him.

Anyway so I have a fanfic that's half complete where I ramble like this throughout:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/52964602/chapters/133982485

Thinking about how Damen does not even begin to comprehend the absolute life-altering trauma he caused Laurent by killing Auguste until like halfway through Prince's Gambit. Thinking about how their mutual dehumanization of each other led Damen to see Laurent as incapable of love or affection for anyone, he never even considers that Laurent loved his brother and was shattered by his death, never shows a shred of sympathy, his first assumption was that Laurent resented Auguste for being the golden child/crowned prince, and it's only when Paschal looks at him like he's crazy and says "no, he loved him." that he begins to realize the Laurent he's been experiencing is one that in many ways *he helped create* and that the purest form of Laurent was a sweet, shy little boy who loved his brother without a cruel bone in his body, he never wanted power or glory or anything, all he wanted was his big brother, and Damen killed that version of Laurent when he killed Auguste.

I think that is in part how Damen begins to come to forgive Laurent, or at the very least to begin to sympathize with him, realizing that in a fucked up kind of way, everything Laurent does to him, while still totally being first and foremost Laurent's responsibility and moral failures to atone for, is partially a consequence of his own actions, that he helped turn Laurent into the tangled ball of pulsating yearning in the shape of a man that he is.

I think realizing how wrong he'd been about the kind of man Laurent was, was what began his journey to coming to terms with the kind of man he, Damen, was at the beginning of the story. When he first meets Laurent he thinks he has him pinned and describes him as arrogant, self-absorbed, self-serving, spoilt, and "raised to overestimate his own worth", which in hindsight is definitely meant to be projection because those are all ways that Damen himself could be described at the beginning of the story, something he basically admits to at the end of Kings Rising when he reflects on the version of himself that existed before he was imprisoned.