Stuff's pretty miserable. I don't feel good. I don't even know how I feel, I guess its loneliness even though I do have lovely people around...I literally don't know...
Started to feel like there is something wrong w/ me. My circle is not one which resonates with me, I still love them but no one is ever "just there for me". 17 ,and still don't have a "bff" other than my sister and mother. My cousins aren't a fan of me either, have one who is my same age but still matches "vibes" with my younger sister. We were great 2 yrs ago but...
I try so hard to be nice to people, yet I see people effortlessly happy, I wonder why I make any extra effort, no one has to, they get on fine without thinking much. Sometimes I feel sick of feeling so much and not being able to cry.
Things which give me happiness like writing or reading novels or photography or nerding out on cosmology etc., I can't do any of it without being guilt stricken every singe minute. Even as I write this I realize I need to complete my Chemistry notes and physics assignments and practice math, afterall its 12th grade, the LIFE DECIDING YEAR... but I seem to do neither hard work for 12th marks nor extra stuff I like.
Sometimes, when I like ,sit down to think, I feel like I'm a no-one sitting in middle of nowhere , meaning nothing to anyone except my family and teachers. I AM REPLACEABLE. The worst thought... I am not an indispensable part of anyone's life other than my family (which is obvious I guess + cuz they are lovely coping up with me)...
No, I don't hate myself. I love myself. I just am at a phase where nothing is moving...All still...and in that stillness, I feel... not very happy.
I wished so much after I came out of 10th, but my life has been nothing but monotonous...
The people I thought were a gift to me, turns out I don't matter that much to them, and I feel guilty of expecting too much. Still, I wonder, is it too much to expect some kind of care or support from people who claim to be yours? Maybe, it is.
will be shook, when you look at me now.
regained what you took, will be wondering how.
a page in my book, now i'm so over thou
my growth off the hook, you'll be takin a bow...
(Og)
Lucky to have realized, that being Alone and being Lonely are indeed two different things. One doesn't bother you and other makes you miserable...
i wore my favorite cocktail dress; it's
cinderella-blue. remember we were
wedding guests; you were tipsy when
i met you. i collected all my crazy, hid
my flaws from view. but i was caught
red-handed, burning all for you
I've never gulped water with such rush. With such restlessness, like i do now. I hope for it to fill me up. Completely. From inside. Like its a heavy plug. The hole in my chest would stop bleeding for once, and my heart would float for a second in the emptiness, it used to drown in.
-mauli
I personally don't think it's entirely their fault but... This is F-ing true!! I want to a cosmologist and work in library (the biggest kind) but apparently will be an engineer of the kind I don't really love because studying cosmology doesn't give you money... until you have a PhD in it which takes years of time and money less days...
#LateStageCapitalism
We are mosaics --
pieces of light,
love,
history,
stars--
Glued together
with
magic
and music
and words.
- Anita Krizzan
As you level up, life gets harder. One step forward and your hard work pays off. If you work, you succeed in the next level. ork now and rest later.......
What good is helping people when the only things you get acknowledged for is your mistakes? Mistakes, made because you are just human, and all you were trying to do was help?
Yup, thinking the whole goddamn universe is what we crazy people do at night. Ideas, like the stars, that shine bright in our minds when it is dark.
What keeps you awake at the middle of the night? Coffee? Nah! Anxiety? No also. Random YT videos? Close. Writing ideas blossoming out of nowhere? Yup!!! Just imagining things, and constructing something at the back of my mind.
sometimes, you NEED to feel better, you NEED to be happier. Why?
To appreciate the humanity that still remains. To look at the sunrise and sunset.
To tell your mom you love her, to tell your dad you love him. To, for once, tell your sibling that they are precious. to hate them again after.
To pet your dog or cat or hamster or horse or pig or any specie and let them know that their little lives mean bigger to you than anything.
To plant a tree and see it grow and fruit under your care.
To see green. and blue, and yellow, and red and f**king every colour we cant imagine.
To listen to people talking and living and find someone to talk and live with.
To love, to eat, to sleep, to repeat.
To leave a legacy as a human no one else is
To appreciate the fact that you, who had 1 in a billion chance to be formed inside your lifegiver, lived on and did what we call thriving, on this planet of fascinations.
for the sake of yourself and the life you lived and the space-time you travelled.... sometimes, you NEED to live, in order to live....
-mauli