Tubbo: Nice Rock.

me, watching Roku deadset on fighting that volcano, even though everyone in the village appeared to have escaped, and the volcano appeared to be isolated at sea and unlikely to impact anyone else, and then, dying because of it : Zuko is his great grandson…I see…

Nazir: By Sithis will you please shut up! Your squeaky voice is so annoying!

Cicero: *voice drops eight octaves* Is this better?

Nazir, falling out of his chair: hOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK

Varian: if I had a nickel for every time a blond with green eyes betrayed me to their authority figure who had a history with one of my parents, I’d have two nickels

Varian: ...which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice, right?

Oliver: You know Percy, I bet you'd look adorable grasping at the sheets of my bed

Percy: I'm not making your bed for you Oliver

Oliver: PLEASE, I HAVEN'T CHANGED THEM IN THREE DAYS

Percy: YOU HAVE HANDS, USE THEM

Oliver: FUCK YOU

Percy: After you make your bed? I think the fuck not

Penny, appearing behind Oliver: Oliver Wood quit being inappropriate and go make your bed right now

Oliver: ASHFXUFXIUTDCJG WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU GET HERE

Marcus: What the hell am I witnessing-

[The squad is trying to con some random guy]

Tommy: Um, Tubbo, why are you pretending I'm this guy's family?

Tubbo: We need money!

Tommy: You're scamming him?

Tubbo: I was thinking more like flat-out stealing from him?

Tommy: What?! No way!

Tubbo: Why not? We already stole Ranboo!

Ranboo: Hey guys

Tommy: No, we didn't. Ranboo can think and talk for themself, they can do whatever they want!

Ranboo: I wanna steal

imagine: you get your memories back after years of amnesia to find out your whole species is dead and earth doesn’t exist anymore. that the only thing left of your culture is your weird ex and his busted honda civic that barely even works that he stole from the government when he was 13. And he’s been taking members of an alien species for trips in his honda civic and they’re all like “woah it’s so cool” and you get upset because it’s NOT COOL it’s a honda civic, the turn signals don’t even work “wow it can go up hills” yeah OF COURSE IT CAN GO UP HILLS EVERY CAR COULD DO THAT. but they’ve never seen a car before so everything it does is the coolest thing ever. And your ex’s only tool is a fucking screwdriver which is somehow also cool to this dumbass alien species even though it’s a fucking screwdriver so you just look like an idiot screaming about how none of this is even cool it’s actually really shitty but your whole planet is gone so you can’t even prove it but also you’ve had a constant drumming sounding in your head since you were 10 slowly driving you insane. I would become evil too.

Someone: What's it like at the society?

Virginia: Imagine working with completely civilized, responsible, mature people.

Someone: Okay.

Virginia: Now throw that idea out the window.

The two moods of working in a buffet restaurant. "God, there's nothing to do" and "I dont know what hole all these people came from but can they please go back".

Eret: What did you get in the yearbook?

Niki: Best smile!

Tubbo: Nicest personality :)

Fundy: Most likely to cause a fight.

Ranboo: Least likely to start a fight, but most likely to win one.

Jekyll: I love dogs who are obsessed with licking people. "This human is pleasing to me, I have to put my tongue on it".

Hyde: Dogs treat us like we treat cool rocks.

Jekyll: Your relationship to rocks is apparently very different than mine.