Entry #13, 9/6/19

Entry #27, 12/15/19

Hey there! I’ve decided to make this blog a little more colorful, and be less... monotone, I guess you could say? I’m still the same old me, just with more fun writing and not trying to hold things ‘‘Sterile’‘ and boring. (You gotta be true to yourself! ^^)

Anyways! It’s been way too long since I last updated, and I am really sorry. I’m back home, yay? Nonetheless, I shall inform you about what happened in the last week there. (Luckily, I wrote most of it down in my diary, so it’s easier for me to give you a little summary! ^^) If this post gets too long, I’ll split it in two parts so it’s not as hard to read. :3

So... on the last day I updated, the 30th of november, I actually went swimming with a friend I made there after I finished the post. I went with the girl and her family, just so I didn’t have to go with mine ^^° It was okay, apart from the fact that I can’t really swim... We still had a good time tho, because the water wasn’t even deep enough to properly swim. (It went to maybe my neck, but not higher, soooo...) The day after that, I went into the city. On the way back to my ‘‘room’‘, a couple of younger girls from my group came up to me and asked about Raph. (>>Do you liiiiiikeeee hiiiiimmmm?~<<) I laughed it off, and when I said >>yeah, he’s a cool dude.<< they just skipped/ran away giggling. Isn’t that cute?~ XD

That night, just before I wanted to go to bed, a thought entered my mind. >>Since you hate your school/classmates so much, why don’t you just change schools?<< After I thought about it for a while, I started looking up gymnasium schools (the highest grade of school you can go to for middle and high school here in Germany, for the ‘’smart and talented’‘ kids. I’m still not sure how I was accepted XD) near my hometown. There were actually quite a few, even good ones, but one in particular caught my eye. I just recently found out that it’s a private school, but at the time I was convinced that it was the best choice I had. I didn’t know how to confront my mother about this, tho, so I just waited for the right moment.

The day after, everything was going like normal, until the ‘‘therapy’‘-thingy started. The theme of the day was ‘‘partner massage’‘, and guess who my partner was? That’s right, the one and only Raph. He was first to massage me (under the guidance of Yuri, the caretaker that always did the ‘‘relaxing therapy’‘), and BOY does he know how to use his hands properly! so there I was, laying in heaven, not wanting that moment to ever end... but unfortunately everything has to end someday. So it was my turn to massage him, and with my baby hands and shyness I barely pressed down on him. He told me to be more aggressive a couple of times, trying to make me feel confident.

He didn’t succeed. XD

I went on, trying not to hurt him or press the wrong spots, until... ah, I need to cut this off here. I’ll be back in a bit, seeya!

As I said earlier, I prefer no or foreign vocals, but of course there is always an exception. So here, have more good songs. Good in my opinion, that is. Pun intended.

Another one of the songs that I listen to relatively frequently. I find the melody very calming, which is one of the main reasons I am so in love with this masterpiece. The band it’s from, MISSIO, is very good in general... at least I think so. Of course, anyone is allowed to have their own opinion on this blog. Honestly, I just don’t care. I think more people should just mind their own business. For instance, why would you give a single floop if someone is part of the LGBTQ+? Just mind your own business. Why would you judge other people because of their hobbies, interests etc? Just mind your own business. I simply don’t understand why you would make your and someone else’s day worse by complaining about their taste in music, just because they listen to Twenty One Pilots instead of Panic!At The Disco, or like K-Pop more than Rap. I personally don’t like any of the listed genres or bands, but my best friend loves P!atd, and I respect that. Or, more acurately, I don’t give a damn. Wow, this turned from music to a rant about my class. They gossip about everyone and everything. They called me ‘‘EmO’‘ and ‘‘GoTh’‘ because I wore all black one day. To be fair, I also had on my dark blue lipstick. They even talk about each other behind their backs. If they are talking about me, they don’t even bother to hide it. for instance, I’m a slut, because I have more male than female friends. I just get along with guys better. They are funnier to be around, and the girls from my class are literally the ‘‘other girls’‘ that are being described by the r/notlikeothergirls-girls. They only talk about make-up, horses (One has a horse) and when they went shopping where. A girl from my spanish class though (I don’t know if I already talked about her), she’s really cool. We share our love for anime, Hamilton/Musicals in general, drawing, memes, music and a couple more things. I get along with her great, and there are a few more girls from her class that are really laid back and funny. They’re fun to be around, so it’s sad to say I only see them about twice a week... ah, this is already way too long. sorry and thank you for reading. I’ll see you around if you choose to stick with me. Goodbye :)

Entry #12, 9/1/19

Ah, if I'm here, I might as well... nothing has really happened. I've been at my therapist's. He told me to look around for some activities that include talking to people, since I don't really know anyone near me that I can talk to on a daily basis. I just don't trust my family members, or classmates. Nobody around me is to be trusted, they'll turn against me. I know that as a fact. They won't listen properly, and if they do they either make fun of me, or they don't try to help. They are not to be trusted.

Anyways. He (my therapist) told me, that I needed some human contact. In person. I don't know anyone around that likes me or that I like though,so that could get hard. I've decided I just take the compliments people give me. By that I mean I'll listen to my two best friends, I don't get compliments from anyone else.

Did I already let you know that I'd be getting away from my class, my problems, and almost everyone I know for a while? Just for about 3 or 4 weeks, but I'll be somewhere far away from my worries. I'll go to an island on the east coast, alongside my mother and sister. Fortunately, there'll be a psychologist, too, so I'll have someobe to turn to. I'm already saving up so I can give myself a bit of a luxury treatment, and I trust that it'll calm my nerves and make me stronger, at least for some time. My birthday is also in that time where I am gone, so I

Firstly won't have to worry about a party (even though I wasn't planning on celebrating in the first place), and

Secondly will be able to be all on my own that day. Sitting on the beach, watching the waves, listening to the calming sound of the sea... what an amazing picture. But of course, there could be rain on that exact day, or the beach is crowded, or, or, or. But I still hope it won't be that bad a day.

So, that's all I have to say. Goodbye, my friends, readers, and fellow humans. I'll see you around.

Entry #32, 11/2/20

Bonjour, mes amis! I hope you’re doing well! ^^ There hasn’t been much going on lately, so I didn’t really have anything to tell you. I just wanted to quickly get out some facts about the school changing and put them out there.

So, number one: I won’t be able to change schools until after summer break. There’s no space in the classes right now, but hopefully they’ll accept me next year ^^

Second: Class starts at 7:50, so 10 minutes later than right now. I think it ends at about 12:45 as well, I’m not sure.

Yeah... not much, I know, but I didn’t intend this to be long anyway.

Oh, there is one more thing though! I got my report recently, and I only got 2 D’s this year! I’m honestly kinda impressed by myself, since I didn’t really study... But I want to change that! I need a really good report when I graduate, so I think I should start actually studying by now ^^° Anyways, that was it for now! Seeya soon!

~Mary~

What a beautiful day...

Chapter 1

She looked around the student flooded entrance of UA high, the school where heroes were formed. There were people all around, but not a single familiar face. She looked up again, taking her time to take in the beautiful view of the high school she was about to enter. The warming sun hit her face, and she read the initials she had seen so often before once again, still not believing her light grey eyes. She wasn't dreaming, it was real; she was about to enter the building, even though she was 3 weeks late, and she was going to get taught how to be a hero by real pros. With a now determined look on her face, she turned her face to the actual doors, and entered the old, huge school. The second she entered, she already loved the sight. She took it all in: the view, the smell, even the atmosphere. She took it in her heart, as if it could be ripped from her at any second, and started moving again after a good minute. The hazelnutbrown haired girl looked for her classroom, and found what she was looking for soon enough: ''CLASS 1-A'', the sign above the door said. She took a deep breath, opened the door, and saw a class full of students her own age, just joking aroud. She imagined all of this to be so different; in the many, many sleepless nights she had, where most of her thoughts revolved around her new school in a whole different coutry, the famous UA high, she imagined how the students would be, and she always came to the same result: top-students, stern, determined to win, serious. But here they were, just joking around, laughing, one was yelling, he had his ashblond hair spiked away from his head, another one was staring at the girls who were giggling and laughing. She took a closer look at the little guy, and quickly noticed the deep purple ball-shaped thigs on his head. not wanting anyone to know she was staring, she looked for a seat, and luckily found one near the widow. It was a lonely little desk that looked like it was moved there on a short notice. She sighed, put her backpack down, took out her notebook and started writing.

The day just started, but this school is already way different from what I expected. There is not a speck of seriousness coming from most of the students, just laughter can be heard, the silent sound of gossip, and nervous shuffling of bags and paper. How much more different from my imagination can it get? Will the teachers be as nice as I thought they'd be? Is there anything like I expect it to be?

The teacher entered, the students went back to their desks, only the sound of moving furniture was breaking the newly earned silence. The teacher with long, black hair cleared his throat, uttered a >>Good morning, class.<<, and sat down.

>>Good morning, Mr. Aizawa!<< the students reply in unision. The teacher who seems to be Mr. Aizawa motions them to sit down, and turns his gaze to Mary, the new girl, the one in the back, sitting at the helplessly placed desk, with a notebook laying open in front of her. >>Alright<<, he raised his voice once again, >>we have a new student, as you might have noticed. Mary, would you come to the front and introduce yourself please?<< Mary obiediently stood up, made her way to the front, positioned herself next to Aizawa, and started talking. >> Hi. I'm Mary, I'm 14 years old, and I come from Germany, which is the reason for my accent and my late appearance. I apologize in advance for any wrong pronounciation, or grammar mistakes. I truly am trying my best to make my English understandable. I was accepted due to recommendation. Thank you for listening.<< And with that, she walked back to her seat. what the class didn't know, after they heard her little speech, was, that Mary had spent hours on end changing and perfecting those few sentences, because she thought the whole class expected her to sound as formal as an important business man. She felt a little awkward, having everyone stare at her like she was crazy for sounding like an adult, but she just contered their confused looks with a smile. Aizawa turned the attention back to him. >>Thank you, Mary. Now, let's starts today's lesson...<<

Mary was only half listening. She was passing her time by examining every student in her class. One stood out. He haid red and white hair, parted neatly in two halves. The right half of his hair was a brilliant white, the other side a bright red. There was a scar as red as the hair covering it partly on his left eye. Mary started to wonder. ''What happened to him? Did he dye his hair? How is that posible?'' Those were only some of the questions she had. When she finally let her gaze wander to the next student, he was already looking at her. When she met his eyes, he just winked, smirked, and turned back to the board. ''what... the actual.. Chinchilla?'' The boy had bright yellow hair, and a bolt on one side of his scalp. There was nothing too interesting, really, but somehow Mary still wanted to talk to him. Maybe to actually have a friend, maybe to ask him what she missed while she was gone, or maybe she just wanted to know why he did that. She never has been flirted with before, if that was even considered flirting. She had to admit, he did look kind of cute. And of course that means he's either gay, taken, or a racist. Since that was all there was to see about that boy, she turned her attention to a girl with.. pink skin? And horns?? Mary didn't believe her eyes. >>How is that even...?<< she started silently, but stopped herself, not wanting to draw any attention to herself. Only then she realized, that there was literally a bird person just chillng in his seat, taking notes. She couldn't wait for recess so she could ask all about their names, their quirks, and who was taken and who wasn't. Let's see, who actually looked like they'd have a partner. The yellow-haired one with a blot in his hair, the guy who had his long, red hair styled into spikes, the red and white haired one, that just seemed to have some kind of terrifying secret, the... wait a minute. Mary knew who he was. He was Endevours son, Shoto Todoroki! She read something about him in the news just a couple of weeks ago. No wonder she got that weird, secretive vibe from him. There were a lot of rumours in all of the internet about the father-kid relationships being all crazy and horrible. She could really relate to him to an extend. Mary's mother and father have been emotionally distant ever since she was old enough to do stuff on her own. At the tender age of seven she had to cook for herself, but that didn't stop her from being an absolute sweetheart to her friends. And although she would never admit it, she was a pure soul. Apart from the smut she has read throughout the last few years, she was as clean as the air in a forest, far away from humanity and polution. Yes, she was a bit of a pervert. But she was too shy to actually spy on someone. She wasn't afraid to flirt, though. Most people didn't take it serious when she flirted with them and laughed it off, so she has been single up to that day. When she was honest with herself, she knew that she really wanted to have someone to hold her close and listen. But who would take a girl like her? She asked that question a lot when she thought about relationships. That's why she didn't do that often.

Mary found it amusing how her mind wandered off all the time. It was like her brain was making a path on it's own, like it was trying to lead her somewhere, someplace special that might not ever be discovered by anyone else... unless she told the person about that place, that secret space where she can get lost in for hours on end, without anyone noticing she was even gone in the first place. She doesn't leave her spot, but is in a whole different world at the same time, a world where she can be herself without having anyone there to judge her, without any rules, without any boundaries. She could kill, kiss, and insult anyone as much as her heart desired. She lost count of how often she brutually murdered someone in her mind. And the fact that she could imagine anything pretty vividly just made the whole game better. Same goes for kissing and making out, and everything beyond that. But it was also a curse at times. Whenever some said: >>imagine if...<<, she immediately started imagining it. She had seen multiple people making out, and that was worse of an experince than it might seem like. Because it wasn't just people her age, it was also teachers, heroes, old people and even animals.

All of a sudden, she was ripped from her thoughts, by someone standing in front of her. It was a green haired boy with freckles and a bright smile. >>H-Hey! Mary, right? I'm Izuku Midoriya, but everyone calls me Deku!<< He extended a hand for her to shake. She took his hand, gave it a light squeeze, and smiled back. >>Yep! That's me! Nice to meet you, Deku!<< She shiftd the thoughts of death and brutal murder aside and made room for information about him. He was barely taller than her, had emerald green eyes, had really fluffy looking hair, and just seemed really adorable overall. Mary guessed that he was most likely gay. Which was definetly not a bad thing, Yaoi all the way, but she had a feeling that at least one girl had a crush on him. Speaking of girls, there was one right behind him. She smiled at Mary and held out her hand too. >>I'm Ochako Ururaka!<< she chirped happily. Mary took her hand, gave it a little squeeze too, and smiled even brighter than before. >>Mary! I'm looking forward to being in class with you two!<< she said friendly.

She inspected them, then bluntly asked >>Are you two a couple?<< Ururaka started blushing madly, and so did Deku. He was the first one to actually respond. >>N-No, we're just f-friends!<< Mary chuckled at their reaction. >>If you say so~<< she purred while smirking. Then she turned her attention to the bo from earlier. >>Hey, you two, who is he?<< she pointed at the yellow haired boy. >>Th-That's Denki Kaminari. He's part of the Bakusquad, unlike Bakugo himself really nice and outgoing, though.<< Izuku started. >>But he's kind of a flirt.<< Ururaka added. So that was the reason why he winked. He's flirtasious. Great, she thought. >>Hey, how about we introduce you to everyone?<< Izuku said, now calming down his blush. >>That'd be

great!<< Mary thanked him.

Everything went great, until it was her time to meet Bakugo.

>>End chapter 1<<

Now this is a beautiful picture. Majestic, mysterious.... just perfect.

Side entry #2, 11/5/19

I forgot to write about halloween. Probably because it was just a day like any other in my life, except for the fact that I didn’t have to go to school. I was drawing, looking at my two Inktober drawings that I finished (Yes, those two were the only ones I actually started. I did not last long through Inktober.), and just trying to do the lineart on said drawings. I decided it would be better to just do/try it on one, since I’m still figuring out my art style and how thicc I want the lines to be on the darker and lighter spots of the drawing. I also continued reading my book (Warrior Cats, if I didn’t mention it before), and that was about it.

So all in all, my halloween wasn’t very eventful, but I’m glad it wasn’t. I prefer to either stay indoors or go outside and escape the world out in the fields, where I’m all by myself and able to practice sketching landscapes, while listening to the beautiful sound of absolutely no human soul around. And it was way, way too cold to actually do so, so I stayed inside my room, under my blanket. That is all for now, I hope I don’t forget anything again.

Thanks for reading, I’ll see you around if you decide to stay.

Entry #27, part 2

...until Yuri told us we were allowed to massage each others freely and as we wanted to. Raph asked me, if I wanted him to go on and take care of my shoulders, and of course I said yes. I mean, why should I miss out on a free relaxing program? XD As he was moving his hands along my back and shoulders, I closed my eyes and just listened to all of the sounds the kids around us made. Suddenly, I heard Yuri say my name, and that’s when I started to listen to her. >>... and Mary looks like she’s having the time of her life.<< HELL YEAH I WAS! It was so relaxing to have someone who genuinely cares about you sitting behind you... and so strangely unfamiliar, too. I don’t know, I guess I should find more people who care about me.

That afternoon, we met up again. But that time I needed help with math, and since he mentioned that he was good at it and we got along just fine (if you get the reference you get bonus points), I decided to ask him to help me. And he did! After we finished, we talked about music, and somehow drifted off, which led to him... hugging me. He. Hugged. Me. I cannot put into words how wanted I felt at that moment. More than I have for a very, very long time. Though, sadly I didn’t feel much... Anyways. About an hour after that, he went ‘home’. I accompanied him, and when we parted ways, we hugged again.

On the 3rd, Raph’s little brother and the little sister from a friend of mine thought it would be funny to push Raph’s and my head together as to make us kiss.

...it didn’t work. XD

Nothing else happened, until I was going for a walk on the beach at night. It was about.. 7 pm, and already dark outside. The clouds hung heavy in the sky, hiding the stars and the moon, tainting the sea a deep, dark brown-ish black. The horizon itself was a fulfilling black, turning lighter the higher one looked at the clouds. I adored the sight. As I went, I talked to myself like I usually do. That eventually led to me crying, becoming aware of how absolutely useless I was to everyone around me, how much I disappointed the ones that cared about me in a seemingly whole other world, a timeline long forgotten... and I may have let myself go too much. I cried like I haven’t in a long, long, long time. I don’t know if it was good to let out my feelings or stupid because someone could possibly have listened to my sobbing... normally, if I do cry, I cry in company of someone I trust or care about. And up until that day, I was physically not able to. I don’t know why, but I could never cry on my own. There always had to be someone. But maybe... I didn’t feel alone that night? Maybe I felt as if someone was with me, even when they were not physically there? I don’t know, and I don’t think I’ll find out any time soon, but it’s definitely worth thinking about.

On the 4th, me and Raph went to the beach together at night. The stars were shining brightly, brighter than I’ve ever seen them sparkle, the moon was more beautiful than I had it in mind... everything just seemed a lot brighter and better. We talked for about an hour, then his mother told him to come back to their room. I loved having him as my company. Even if it was very cold, I was determined to stay with him. And so I did. I even stayed on the bench a few minutes after he left, talking to myself again. But soon, it was too cold, so I went up to my room, too.

The 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th went without any notable events.

The 9th, though, was a good day for me. First, we went to a sports hall to do some sports. After that, we went back to the ‘daycare‘ and me and Raph just kinda... started cuddling? It was really nice, and time was going by way too fast, until... my commitment phobia kicked in. (I should probably tell you that I have commitment issues due to my HoRrIbLe past) I ignored it, tho, so I kinda forced myself into being happy, or feel comfortable... buuut that actually did the exact opposite. I felt pretty uncomfortable, but I ignored that too, so I could try and just let myself fall into the embrace, I guess? Honestly, I don’t regret it. I think I needed the cuddling, the intimacy towards another person. Something that I noticed was that he seemed very calm and relaxed. I think he enjoyed himself, too.

The next day was just stressful. I had to travel back home with ___ and my sister, and of course the two fought a lot. Anyways, that was the rest of my ‘vacation’. More information on what and how I’ve been doing for the past week in the next entry!

Mary out!~