Pennywise At The Door Like:

You’re wearing a tshirt, I’m wearing the Cock polo (inspired by frat bros, daddy’s boys, philistines and other forms of assholes). We are not the same.

dude, i promise i’m not a vampire, i just don’t wanna be intrusive you know ?? so can u like invite me in ??

sometimes you just wanna kiss a demon and thats just how it is

The kingsman fight but Mamma Mia sung by Meryl Streep is playing

obsessed with this reddit post

Im an old school Dracula or vaguely old

types of vampires

old school dracula: dramatic, probably a theatre kid at some point, loud, likes black n white outfits with accents of red, v into long flowing clothes, fan of sharp eyeliner and a classic red lip, melancholic, sexual tension, will not shut up about being cursed to live as an immortal corpse, rambles a lot, weirdly big on manners, extemely attracted to morticia addams (like. almost too much)

vaguely old immortal: always has at least the top three buttons of their shirt undone, likes muted colors, likes soft makeup but doesn’t wear it a lot, uses weird turns of phrase or speaks poeticly, closed off (especially about their past), long nails for piercing the skin of those they feed on, wears a locket, stares off into space a lot, has called you a random name like “willamette” at least once, bad with technology, always making things unnecessarily philosophical, hasn’t had a haircut in at least a decade, bisexual

2000s bloodsucker: dark hair, emo and/or goth, whiny, dresses exclusively in black and gray, wears a ton of smeared black eyeshadow or no makeup at all (there is no in between), listens to either screamo or stuff like creature feature, big on layers, broods in the shadows, sleeps in a coffin, will throw rocks at your window at night to get your attention, shows off fangs at every opportunity, says a spooky catchphrase before drinking your blood

modern heartthrob vamp: piercing eyes, everything about their look is sharp and clean except their hair which is always messy, sort of preppy, plays a lot of instruments, well-liked but quiet, polite, would walk you home at night if you didn’t feel safe, never kills when they feed, does the single drip of blood falling down their chin thing, really into math or literature, knows a lot of random facts, can work an antique sewing machine as well as a smartphone, cries at sad movies, likes the rain

stressed new turn: anxious, usually confused or lost, disheveled, makes a big mess when they bite someone, has spent at least a week wandering the woods, has lots of cinematic “what have I become” moments while staring into the bathroom mirror, listens to keaton henson and daughter, has been wearing the same outfit for five days, always has a headache, messed up sleep schedule, dissociates, reads books about vampires at the library but is too embarrassed to check any out, existential guilt, secretly wishes they could apprentice with an older vampire, androgynous

goblin vamp: chaotic, shaved head or uncommon hairstyle, never tries to be discreet about being a vampire, likes parties/raves/concerts, drinks bloodbags like Kool-Aid jammers, dresses tacky, loves garlic bread, most likely has shitty stick n poke tattoos, thinks all vampire movies are hilarious, takes selfies in graveyards, trespasses a lot (especially into abandoned buildings), impulsive n reckless, either has a vulture culture blog or a punk aesthetic blog, listens to peppy indie music while feeding, very gay

reverse goth vamp: hair dyed bleach blonde, very friendly and talkative, loves animals, will babysit for you like whenever, likes hawaiian shirts and shorts, favors light and bright colors, surfer aesthetic, vampire positivity, wears a ton of sun screen and big floppy hats so they can go out in the sun, pours blood on snow cones, only drinks from volunteers/blood doners, likes swimming, probably has SAD, loves cartoons (especially fun cartoons about monsters like Ruby Gloom), into pop or upbeat acoustic music, longboards or rollerblades, wears pronoun pins

vampire that everyone thinks is a werewolf: is a jock but only plays indoor sports, fairly hairy, all dogs love them, can drive, either wear their hair in a ponytail or down and unbrushed, cute smile, doesn’t like wearing makeup or dressing up, sweats or athleisure, good at party games, has gotten “yo dude I dare you to drink my blood” more than once, has accidentally gotten alcohol posioning from drinking too much drunk blood, goes out for runs at night, loves sleeping in, hunk/bear or butch

tag yrself

Okay so like there are vampires but one of the side effects of becoming a vampire is that you can’t explicitly tell people you’re a vampire.

Like, if they already know you’re a vampire, that’s cool and you can talk about it with them whenever.  And if they don’t know but are straight up like “hey are you a vampire?” you can be like “yes I am” and then you can talk to them about being a vampire because they already know now.

But the point is you can’t tell people.

So you’ve got this vampire who really wants to tell their friends and they’re dropping all these hints and being as obvious as they possibly can be but their friends just think they over-exaggerate everything.

“Hey, when did you learn to lock pick?”  “Sometime around the middle ages, I think.”  “Okay, fine, I won’t pry then.”

“Cool shirt!  When did you get it?” “Oh, about fifty years ago or so.”  “Dude you weren’t even alive.  It’s a hand-me-down, then?”

“Hey check out this cool Renaissance painting.” *points to a person lying dramatically on the ground* “That’s me.” “Haha, that totally would be you.  I’m the one getting his head chopped off.”  “No, you don’t get it that’s actually me.”  “God, I know.  You’re so dramatic.”

“How long has it been since you’ve been to Europe?” “A couple centuries at least.”

“What’s this red drink in your fridge?” “Blood.”  “Is it that new diet drink?”  “No, it’s blood.”  “No, seriously.  I’m thinking about trying this diet.  Does it work?”  *sighs*  “No.”

“How come you don’t have any mirrors in your house?”  “I don’t have a reflection.”  “Cool.  It’s really admirable that you’re not letting society’s expectations dictate your life.”

“Hey, it’s really sunny out today.  Wanna go for a walk?”  “No.  I will literally burn up and die.”  “Fine, stay inside and watch Netflix.  That’s cool too.”

“I heard these coffin beds are really supposed to help you sleep.  I’ve never seen one this cool though.  Where’d you get it?”  “I was buried in it.”  “Fine.  Don’t tell me.”

“Dude, why are you always so cold?”  “I’m dead.”  “No, really.  I think you might be anemic.  Are you getting enough iron?”

Walking into the theater on September 6th like

Oh Louis, Louis. Still whining, Louis. Have you heard enough? I’ve had to listen to that for centuries.