My Dearest L...

MY DEAREST L…

So last night I was laying with L in bed after we shared an intimate night together moments before and I felt discussed with myself, is this normal to feel that way? but like things got a little messy when we were having our moment together and I have OCD maybe it was just my OCD bec after that I had to shower and clean myself, I then got out of the shower and my manic episode started I had to clean my room and I had to move around I also when feeling so many emotions at once I'm not sure if that had anything to do with it. but I was just weird that those feelings came up the way they did but I've felt it before. when I was hooking up with people but I'm not doing that as much anymore bec I don't want to do that with him, so I stopped doing it except for the rare moments when I do but it's so rare now, what I was getting at is that when I was done doing it and I came home from them I would have to shower bec I felt so nasty and gross and I felt that way last night so that's why I'm asking is it normal to feel that way sometimes when I'm with him? it's the first time I've ever felt that way with him. I honestly do think it was just my OCD and that I wasn't taking my meds right I was a bit not sleeping and not doing what I'm supposed to on them and do I like tell him about this or do I keep it to myself? like is there a limit to what you are supposed to talk about with your other half? or are you supposed to be fully transparent with them? I would really like some feedback on this post bec I honestly don't know what to think about it...

My Dearest L...

The past few days have not felt real to me I've been feeling as if my world around me is nothing but a dream-like nothing is what it seems, I've been sticking into a dark place again but I seem to be slowly crawling out of my hole. I'm starting to snap back to reality, I started watching downtown abbey it seems to be trading right now so I thought I'd give it a try idk how I really feel about it yet, I'll have an updated post about it but for now, I'll just use it to distract myself from the world around me bec if I don't have anything to keep my mind busy that's when I start to over think and things tend to become bad for me. My OCD seems to be getting worse I'm starting to count things now like I have to run my fingers throw my curtains 4-6 times before I open or close the door or after I wash my hands I have to flick the water off my hands 4-6 times before I dry them.

My Dearest L...

tonight is coming to an end but before i go i want to just say some time i think i’m in a coma  in some hospitle waiting to wake up one day and this is all just a big dream i’m in...

My Dearest L...

Will i ever find the one that will make me happy to be alive??

MY DEAREST L…

I wanted to come on here and talk with you. it's been a while since the last time we chatted so I thought maybe you would like to hear from me. let's see how have I been doing? well, in all honesty, I've prob been worse than I am tonight, but just like any other time I'm stuck I'm my head.... not too sure why though...no that's a lie I know why I'm just not comfortable sharing it on here at the moment bec of preying eyes. but that's all I have to say for now.

MY DEAREST L…

time has stopped in a way that the world is numb to the land that understands the movements of the earth under our feet in the sun-heated grass, the river shines to the blue skies of the sweet smelling due drops of the morning kissed silk.

My Dearest L…

Sometimes i wonder what i bring to the table, will it be enough for the ones i love. you know i’ve been alone i have truly forgot what love even feels like, it’s just a weird night tonight. why did my ex text me? why have people from my past all been talking to me after a year they have been super quite. i don’t inderstand it...... oh!! 

P.S. Goodnight<3 i’ll type more tomorrow 

The Broken Tree

The trees lead me through the pain I once held within my lightning struck bark, set flames to the burning heart within.

it's really lonely here without you...

♡ marmalade boy ♡

My Dearest L...

Dose anyone else listen to sad love music on V-day??