Im So Tired Of Just Surviving And Living Day By Day. Will I Ever Get To Be Alive And Live A Life Im Actually

Fun Fact: I can’t do this anymore

I can’t imagine a future. It feels as if I’m not meant to be here

A part of suicidal ideation or self harm no one talks about is the numbness to the subject that comes with it. I sit and scroll through pages and pages of cries for help, suicide notes and plans and feel nothing. No worry, no concern, no crushing feeling in my chest. Nothing. Those familiar feelings are now replaced with a strange familiarity, a kind of comfort that it’s not just me.

Fuck. When did it get to this

why is it the people you can’t have are the ones you want the most

I begged you to stay. I apologized so that you’d stay. I forgave everything you did to hurt me for you to stay. I swallowed my pride for you to stay. I was so caught up in getting you to stay in any way possible, I didn’t realize that if you wanted to stay I wouldn’t have to do any of the above.

I don’t wanna live because it’s not worth living with all this pain and completely unloved