What Hurts Is That He Was Capable Of Love. Of Caring. Of Kindness. But I Wasn’t Good Enough Or Worthy

I’m so sensitive and I feel things on such an intense level. I can’t do moderation. Pain and happiness is something we all experience, it’s a part of life . But there is so much more pain than the happiness. And that little happiness is no where near enough to mitigate the pain. And thinking that I have to fight this battle everyday for the rest of me life is exhausting. I can’t do it. I feel tired down to my bones. Talking myself out of killing myself everyday. Scared of triggers. Struggling to do basic things. Feeling hideous and unworthy of love. So much self hate. How can anyone do this for their entire life.

I think it’s high time that I let you go. I’ve been hurting myself for too long by holding onto you.

I wish I could gather the courage to do it once and for all.

It’s always the people you would never want to hurt and care about so much that do the most fucked up shit to you.

thank u dad for the irreparable psychological suffering 💓

i dont have the strength to recover. im going through the motions at this point. i gave up long ago, now i breathe because i dont know what else to do.

“Just because someone hurts you doesn’t mean you can simply stop loving them. It’s not a person’s actions that hurt the most. It’s the love. If there was no love attached to the action, the pain would be a little easier to bear.”

— Colleen Hoover, It Ends with Us