I’ve Been Stuck Third Wheeling For So Long It’s Starting To Trigger Me. No I Don’t Want Or Need

Quick sketch that I made (⁠~⁠‾⁠▿⁠‾⁠)⁠~

the feeling when you just wanna be alone and push everyone away so you could quietly kill yourself vrs the feeling of never wanting to be alone and just wanting to be held and told itll be okay even when it wont.

that feeling when you see everyone around you get treated with love and attention, and all that’s left for you is to watch from afar and wish that it was you.

BPD culture is distractions. this is a distraction. tumblr is a distraction. music is a distraction. tv is a distraction. friends are a distraction. you're a distraction. everything is a distraction from my thoughts and the constant pain. but there's triggers in so many of the distractions anyway, and the pain never goes away.

– 👁

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I think something that is tough about BPD is being in a relatively good place in life and still feeling the destructive urge to end it all.

did you hold me knowing you were going to let me go?

And I wondered what it was like to be chosen. I was never chosen. I was a maybe, a probably, sometimes even a definitely but never the one, never the chosen one.

Unknown

Living with bpd means feeling like someone thrust their hand into your chest and ripped out your heart just because they looked at you wrong.