I Genuinely Think There’s Something So Irrevocably Wrong With Me That No Matter How Hard I Try To Recover

From the bottom of my worthless heart, I genuinely don’t know if I can survive another year.

BPD culture is distractions. this is a distraction. tumblr is a distraction. music is a distraction. tv is a distraction. friends are a distraction. you're a distraction. everything is a distraction from my thoughts and the constant pain. but there's triggers in so many of the distractions anyway, and the pain never goes away.

– 👁

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It’s really weird growing up, because now I don’t tell anyone anything. As I know deep down no one wants to hear what I have to say.

I dont think I can do this much longer, it hurts too much

“I can’t talk right now, I’m doin hot girl shit”

*reads fanfiction for 3 hours*

*daydreams about my favorite characters and actors*

*takes a nap*

i hardly have any pictures of myself after the age of like 6 because nobody around me paid attention to me and when i became a teen i hated myself too much to take pictures, and i don’t even take them now as an adult. it makes me sad when i see pictures on social media of my friends hanging out and doing things, having photographed memories they can look back on.

me? i sit and rot in my bedroom, not going out and unable to look at myself without feeling disgusting.

the worst part of love is that i remember it. i walk around all day thinking: i'm going to die in this universe you loved me in. i get so jealous of euthanized dogs

-june gehringer