Thisfeelswrong - This Feels Wrong

I need him but he doesn't even want me.

why is everything so heavy and why do i have to feel so fucking hollow all the time.

Doesn't matter how much effort I put in, right? It's hard to love me.

My brain is trying to latch onto something that might make me feel alive again, even if it’s a pathetic fantasy. It’s hard to sit with numbness. But deep down, I know nothing can fill the void I feel deep within my soul—that void that keeps getting deeper to the point where it will consume me one day. It’s hollowing me out from the inside, and I’m watching myself fade, but I don’t have the energy to stop it.

I’ve tried so hard not to let my depression define me, not to let it become my identity, but unfortunately, it has the upper hand. It controls everything—it has become me. Depression is so loud that I can’t hear anything else; it drowns everything out. I tried to convince myself that depression wasn’t me, that it was simply happening to me, but I failed. Depression has won. It has erased me completely, and it doesn’t seem willing to loosen its grip.

I miss the era of my functional depression now I’m just bedrotting. At least with functional depression I could still do things, still pretend, still have sense of normalcy. Now it’s just this heavy paralyzing nothingness.

I am a masterpiece of contradictions: too much and not enough, fragile and fierce, desperate for love but terrified of it

bpd is so unbearably lonely. you never feel like anyone loves you because they only care about the sanitized idea of you, the one you made up so people don't abandon you again. as soon as your messy symptoms show, suddenly you're not nearly as loveable. having bpd is to spend your whole life trying desperately to make yourself more palatable

The sexual tension between my skull and the wall is absolutely insane.

I've never been good with reaching out to people but I finally had my group and I thought that I had found my people

But then time after time as soon as there were other people there it was like I didn't exist anymore and I'm so fucking tired

Is it really so selfish of me to want to feel important for once

Like damn I do everything I can for these people and when I haven't reached out in over a week nobody cares

Nothing changes and they move on without me and then when I finally suck it up and go back because I'm a whore for any sort of attention no matter how fleeting they will act like it's just a silly little thing that I did

I can't stand being alone I can't be alone with myself anymore

But they make me feel so goddamn pathetic

posting on tumblr cause i don’t have anyone to talk to, tired of burdening my fp with my feelings, it just pushes them further away, im so lonely.

Do you ever isolate yourself from people because you don’t have anything to talk about except for your sadness/mental health? Because you’ve been talking about it for years now so you don’t want to annoy them anymore. Or bring them down with your negativity. So you just sit there silently all alone, choking with all your unsaid words waiting for I don’t know what. Because by now you know it doesn’t get better.

Leave a comment down below, if you can relate.