From The Bottom Of My Worthless Heart, I Genuinely Don’t Know If I Can Survive Another Year.

my scars are fading.

i need to make more

Just saying

the feeling when you just wanna be alone and push everyone away so you could quietly kill yourself vrs the feeling of never wanting to be alone and just wanting to be held and told itll be okay even when it wont.

I feel so out of place

and I don’t really know who I am

and half the time I don’t know how I feel until I feel like I might burst because of what I’m feeling

and I’m so tired

and I wish I never existed

and I wish I could start my life all over again

and I wish I could do everything I want to in this lifetime

and I wish I knew what I want for my future

but I also kinda wish I never existed to begin with.

im only a survivor because im physically here, i was killed in every other way. im afraid i’ve always been dead and that i always will be.

bpd is distancing yourself because their tone slightly changed and then running back crying to them begging them to love you

i’m so tired

I am a masterpiece of contradictions: too much and not enough, fragile and fierce, desperate for love but terrified of it

Rejection. It’s all I’ve ever faced my life. From lovers, from family, from friends, from opportunities to success. I kept going. Kept thinking maybe it just wasn’t right. But I’ve reached that threshold where my fragile heart can’t take it anymore. Each time I get rejected now, it’s like some squeezing my heart and shattering it into uncountable pieces. It makes me feel small, worthless. Like every cell of me was created to be hated. To be looked at with resentment and disgust. Who could love you, my brain says. Look at you, you sorry being. So peculiar. So unlovable but so desperate for love. Wish I’d realize the only solution is to be alone. It’ll be lonely, it’ll hurt but I promise you it won’t burn like when you are rejected. If only I could kill that tiny ray of hope and give up. It would save my life.

If the rest of my life is like this I’m gonna be honest… I will definitely be killing myself at some point