If The Rest Of My Life Is Like This I’m Gonna Be Honest… I Will Definitely Be Killing Myself At Some

Neglected children will sometimes go ‘okay time to dangerously deteriorate to see if anyone cares about me’ and then if nobody does, they don’t know how to stop deteriorating on their own, they’ll need help to pick themselves back up.

 And if that help doesn’t arrive, they’ll conclude ‘I was right to destroy myself in a world where nobody cares for me anyway, why should I live at all’ and it sets them on a miserable life path where all they see is chances for self destruction and proof of nobody caring, and from the very start it’s not their fault at all.

Because someone should notice when a kid starts losing themselves and step up and help. Children are not meant to know how to take care of themselves in an environment where they’re neglected, ignored and uncared for. Putting them in such an environment then blaming them for deteriorating is absolutely ridiculous. It takes paying attention and realizing when something is wrong and pulling a kid out of the black hole they’re falling into, before they can no longer crawl their way out on their own. 

It’s not acceptable to let children deal with abandonment and neglect all on their own, and expect them to not grow up miserable, resentful, struggling, and doing harm to themselves. It’s the same harm we never stopped them from doing when they were kids, when they needed to know that someone would care if they’re hurt. If we want functional and healthy adults in the society, we have to notice what is going on with the kids and make sure they’re helped in time. 

being suicidal at a funeral is the weirdest thing ever.

thoughts be like:

damn this is sad. they say all those nice things… would they do that for me too? who would come to my funeral anyways? what flowers would they bring? what would the speaker say i did in my life if i never really did anything. i dont want to see my grandma cry but damn i want to be dead so bad but what a bad person am i? its so selfish to want that!

new treatment idea !! euthenize me

bpd develops for a reason. don’t ever let anyone make you forget that.

you were hurt and had no one when you needed it most. you’ve been through so much pain and trauma. regardless of what the world sees you as, this was the way your brain decided to cope. this was the only way your brain knew how to survive and keep you alive to this point. you’re amazing and i’m proud of you

Rejection. It’s all I’ve ever faced my life. From lovers, from family, from friends, from opportunities to success. I kept going. Kept thinking maybe it just wasn’t right. But I’ve reached that threshold where my fragile heart can’t take it anymore. Each time I get rejected now, it’s like some squeezing my heart and shattering it into uncountable pieces. It makes me feel small, worthless. Like every cell of me was created to be hated. To be looked at with resentment and disgust. Who could love you, my brain says. Look at you, you sorry being. So peculiar. So unlovable but so desperate for love. Wish I’d realize the only solution is to be alone. It’ll be lonely, it’ll hurt but I promise you it won’t burn like when you are rejected. If only I could kill that tiny ray of hope and give up. It would save my life.

I think I wanna get better but what if I'm no one under all the mental illness?

I saw it coming but at the same time I didn't because I didn't believe the world could possibly be that fucking cruel.

I’m done, defeated. Some of us aren’t meant to be loved. Today is the day I will try to accept that. Keep to myself. It’ll hurt. A lot. A lot. But I’m done. My life has been agony and my fragile heart can’t take this anymore. I’ll always be an object. To be used then thrown away. I’m not good enough or worthy of being loved.

Doesn't matter how much effort I put in, right? It's hard to love me.

I’ll never be pretty enough

I’ll never be skinny enough

I’ll never be capable enough

I’ll never be funny enough

I’ll never be enough.