New Treatment Idea !! Euthenize Me

Ever want to kill yourself out of spite? To get back at the people who told you were fine when really you were not? To stick it to them? Or really just to drastically change the course of their lives like they did to you?

Just me?

that moment when you’re empty and nothing matters anymore . you don’t even know who you are anymore but it’s okay it doesn’t matter , you just want to disappear .

-kurea:)

You know what’s selfish? Breaking someone to the point where they don’t live. Breaking them so bad that they cant be fixed anymore. When they think of life, it’s synonymous to agony. They just survive each day. It’s not selfish to want to end it. It’s liberation from suffering. It’s selfish to do this to someone repeatedly and ask them to stay.

Why should I stay when no ever did.

questioning bpd culture is being in a downward spiral for weeks and matching almost every bpd symptom, but the MOMENT that I go a whole day without feeling awful I immediately think that I've just been faking it this whole time and clearly must be actually fine

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Does anybody get in that mood where if you don’t absolutely destroy your life in the next 5 minutes you’ll spontaneously combust

something i realized over the years is that despite wanting to kill myself, i don't actually wanna die. far from it actually. i want to live. i want to experience all the things i always wanted to do. i want to see the world. i want to look in the mirror one day and say "im happy i stayed". i want to get better. i want to live a life free from the shackles this mental illness has kept me in. but sometimes that darkness in my brain just overtakes that hope for a better future and all i'm left with is the thought that it will never get better.

— i want to live, but not like this.

Born to be clingy and obsessive, forced to be cool and nonchalant about things

I am so tired and burnt out, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore

Having suicidal depression is like having a constant itch you can’t scratch. Even if you don’t plan on actually committing suicide the feeling doesn’t just go away. It’s constantly in the back of your mind. Whenever road blocks happen in your life instead of figuring out how to fix things like a normal person would your brain immediately goes to, “just kill yourself.” When you wake up in the morning the first thought you have is about killing yourself because your dreams are the only time you can escape the pain of living with suicidal depression. You find no worth in your accomplishments. Even when you actually do accomplish something it’s like it has no worth because you don’t find worth in yourself. You constantly compare yourself to your peers and wonder if you would have actually been succseful like them if you didn’t have a mental illness. Even if you do feel happy for a moment that moment ends and you remember that you have no worth, are stupid, haven’t accomplished anything in life and are a waste of space who needs to just end it already. You know you’re unlovable. No one wants to be with someone with suicidal depression because they don’t want to be with someone who will bring them down. You constantly are thinking about killing yourself and knowing that you can’t makes you feel trapped. Dying isn’t a soluation but you don’t want to live another disappointing year where nothing but bad things happen to you and you don’t grow or change at all. Having suicidal depression is watching everyone around you grow and change while you remain the same. And no one can see how much pain you are in.