That Moment When You’re Empty And Nothing Matters Anymore . You Don’t Even Know Who You Are Anymore

bpd feels like you’re constantly begging for affection because normal amounts of affection doesn’t feel like enough

Kind of don’t want to have to be strong and keep fighting anymore just want to give up and give in im so tired

Ever want to kill yourself out of spite? To get back at the people who told you were fine when really you were not? To stick it to them? Or really just to drastically change the course of their lives like they did to you?

Just me?

Always end up back here when I need to feel something

Do you ever feel like you’re just convenient?

You’re the convenient friend, convenient time pass, convenient relationship, convenient option for everyone.

You’re the person people hang out with because you’re easy, and always eager because you’re always just so desperate to feel wanted and not alone, but really you’re just convenient.

You know you’re not special, and that your spot in their life will be easily replaced and that they’d much rather someone else in their company- but again you’re just convenient. You’re the convenient option. The always available option.

I’m the friend who has best friends but isn’t the best friend. I’m the convenient friend. I’m the lover who falls in love but never the one being loved. I’m just the convenient route.

Im the ‘never says no’ friend. The ‘easy to take advantage of’ friend. The ‘can you do me a favour?’ friend. I’m the ‘useful until no longer of use’ friend. I’m the ‘I want to do something but everyone else is busy’ friend.

I’m the butt of the joke friend. I’m the punching bag friend. The forgotten friend. The one who’s feelings aren’t considered because I’m the ‘she’ll get over it’ friend.

I’m just the easy and convenient friend.

And that’s my own fault, thinking always being available, always being easy and giving more of myself will finally one day deem me worthy in someone’s eyes. Spoiler alert - it doesn’t. I’m still never enough.

I’m the ‘smile through the pain’ friend because being this friend hurts.

Born to be clingy and obsessive, forced to be cool and nonchalant about things

ouch being reminded you’re the biggest waste of space hurts

BPD math: they said I can come "if I want" instead of "you should come" so that means they hate me and they wish I was dead.

And you broke me in all the ways I loved you.

I think something that is tough about BPD is being in a relatively good place in life and still feeling the destructive urge to end it all.