-kurea:)

I think I wanna get better but what if I'm no one under all the mental illness?

“I’m not going anywhere”

“you won’t scare me away”

“It’s okay to lean on me for support”

“you’re my closest friend”

“I don’t think you’re too much”

“I’m not going to do what they did”

“I want to be with you and only you”

“I love you”

“I’m sorry I just can’t do this anymore, I hope you can understand”

never being anyone’s best friend or the most important person in anyone’s life, ever, can really fuck you up emotionally

i hate that BPD gives me such a lack of emotional permanence.

you can spend hours describing the ways in which you care about me, yet the moment you stop my brain will immediately decide you hate me and are destined to leave me.

please im so tired im just so fucking tired please just stop can everything stop im so tired im begging can it all stop

my scars are fading.

i need to make more

My brain is trying to latch onto something that might make me feel alive again, even if it’s a pathetic fantasy. It’s hard to sit with numbness. But deep down, I know nothing can fill the void I feel deep within my soul—that void that keeps getting deeper to the point where it will consume me one day. It’s hollowing me out from the inside, and I’m watching myself fade, but I don’t have the energy to stop it.

I’ve tried so hard not to let my depression define me, not to let it become my identity, but unfortunately, it has the upper hand. It controls everything—it has become me. Depression is so loud that I can’t hear anything else; it drowns everything out. I tried to convince myself that depression wasn’t me, that it was simply happening to me, but I failed. Depression has won. It has erased me completely, and it doesn’t seem willing to loosen its grip.

I miss the era of my functional depression now I’m just bedrotting. At least with functional depression I could still do things, still pretend, still have sense of normalcy. Now it’s just this heavy paralyzing nothingness.

“absence makes the heart grow fonder”

absence makes me want to kms