God Complex

God complex

Longtemps j'ai été jaloux

Et j'ai motivé mon action par envie

Envie d'avoir du style, du raffinement

Envie d'être autant exceptionnel Aujourd'hui, de mes 24 ans

J'ai comblé les besoins de ma convoitise

Sans m'apercevoir que je n'avais de réel besoin Me vient alors le doute, de la raison de mon existence

Sur cette Terre, si je n'ai de désir pur, ou de besoin à combler Et je ralentis La rue est lente

Et les feuilles semblent vivre

Et cet ivrogne en face

Je fais erreur, il habite ici

Et la lumière

Et la nature

Tout ça je le comprends

Je sens que le monde est à ma portée

Que je peux m'y glisser en assemblant mes notes

Que je saurais tout écrire, et trouver des vérités

Convaincu de mon unicité

Convaincu qu'un être unique n'existe que pour apprendre aux autres

Convaincu que je suis un être en devoir

Convaincu qu'on m'a mis ici pour devoir

Convaincu que je ne suis pas

Mais qu'on est bien ici Alors je marche vite

Je marche vite comme une proie qui s'exerce

La proie d'une force divine

Mais combien de temps peut on marcher vite ?

Combien de temps dure la volonté ?

Combien de temps dure la peur de marcher sur une feuille vivante ?

Combien de temps dure le désir, et enfin, son absence ? Je sens en moi l'appel au secours d'une personne saine

Dans un corps sain, un environnement sain

Qui a pourtant la force d'appeler un être qui saurait lui faire voir

Combien sa force la rend faible

Combien la lumière la rend aveugle

La force d'appeler un être qui pourra la briser

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tokidokioki

2 years ago

Yet I still want some kind of contact. Yet I am the one who can’t let go —into complete silence, which seems so unthinkable. What keeps me? Is it devotion or addiction? Is it the need for intimacy, or the proof that I can survive some kind of violence?

— Yanyi, from “Affirmation,” Dream of the Divided Field

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tokidokioki

3 years ago

el gato

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3 years ago

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3 years ago

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2 years ago

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tokidokioki

3 years ago

“it’s easier to love than to hate”

nope. not always. not for everyone. sometimes it’s easier to be angry. sometimes it’s easier to hate people and sometimes all you want to do is yell or scream or slam things about.

sometimes it takes a monumental effort to choose to be kind.

and that’s okay! you’re not broken if your default, easy option, is something that is often frowned upon. you’re not broken if you find it hard to do the right thing.

I’m proud of you for trying your best and for pushing through, despite the odds. I’m proud of you for working hard. I’m proud of you for still trying, even when you stuff up sometimes.

you’re allowed to find kindness and love hard.

you’re allowed to be kind for “the wrong reasons”.

you’re allowed to exist.

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tokidokioki

2 years ago

You cannot make everyone think and feel as deeply as you do. This is your tragedy … because you understand them, and they do not understand you.

Daniel Saint

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tokidokioki

3 years ago

my mom: you have to find different coping skills than cutting

me: so how about not eating

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tokidokioki

2 years ago

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tokidokioki

3 years ago

i swear it’s so invalidating when you genuinely cant cut deep, then your left with hundreds of baby cuts and run out of space on your wrist or thigh.

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