When I Got My Appendix Taken Out: I Was Nine Years Old, In A Foreign Country And Had To Leave The Hospital

Plot armor but it’s Bruce Wayne’s wealth.

Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.

He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.

Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.

But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.

Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.

Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.

So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?

Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.

Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.

Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.

Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.

Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.

Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.

But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?

Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.

Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.

So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.

Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.

At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.

The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.

Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.

All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.

Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.

But by GOD is he trying.

Steph: Hi, I'm Spoiler, sarcasm and one liners department. Gordon: Terrific, and you are? Cass: Batgirl. Applied violences.

Idk where this thought came from butttt….

Batman entering Fawcett only to see Captain Marvel Jr and Mary Marvel screaming the lyrics of the Duck Song into the ears of a somehow asleep Captain Marvel on the floor.

Batman turns around and leaves after seeing that

POV: you see your coworker —who is basically had all the sunshine in the world packed into the body of a buff dude— get so incredibly rage filled when he saw some random civilians being taken hostage that the villain’s entire fortified base was destroyed in a matter of booming lighting filled minutes. And then once your coworker’s eyes stop glowing from pure rage, he rushes over to these civilians and starts to cry from overwhelming relief.

And you think, oh, okay, those are his kids! But no, you hear in his worried babbling this fully grown man calling the little girl “sis” as the two kids are trying to reassure him while they look completely unfazed by the entire situation

I need more fics where the JL witness Captain Marvel (Shazam) get angry for the first time.

Like that dude would be absolutely terrifying.

Imagine, JL are on the regular mission and suddenly it’s revealed that the villain has two kids tied up and gagged as hostages (Freddy and Mary)

And the JL don’t even get to react before lightning starts to crackle off of the Captain and his eyes are practically glowing. And this dude just starts absolutely TEARING through every defence almost as fast as the flash and with more strength than superman. And if it weren’t for his morals you know he’d kill the villain on the spot just for laying a finger on his family.

So JL are just standing still in shock as Captain Marvel’s rage turns off immediately as soon as he’s with those random kids, bonus points if he’s on the verge of tears of relief that they are okay.

How to spot signs and symptoms of Breast Cancer 

Headcanon that Mary walks quietly. Like, she regularly scares the shit out of people and Freddy’s like “we gotta put a bell on her, goddamn”

Not quite Batman level of stealthy, but up there

world war 3 was on the line, jason

on her way to spoil your crimes (don't commit any)

nightwing | red hood | batgirl | red robin | robin | signal

I just learned about this booping thing and I’m having THE TIME OF MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!

IM BOOPING ALL OF YOU!

YOU CAN RUN AND HIDE BUT NO ONE IS SAFE FROM THESE PAWS!!!!

Guys, the hyperfixations getting so bad I’m legitimately thinking about taking a class in mythology so I can make up accurate Divine Twitch Chat AU senarios in my head.

Somebody help me, IT KEEPS DRAGGING ME BACK TO TUMBLR SO I CAN REREAD THE SAME FUCKING POSTS

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-