Izzy: Edward, We've Been Looking All Over For You. You Can't Just Leave A Sign On Your Desk That Says

Stede: What's with the napkin on the glass door?

Oluwande: The Swede keeps walking into the door, so I thought this would help.

The Swede, entering the room: Oh, wow! A floating nap-

The Swede: [walks into the glass door]

Black Pete, standing on the dinner table: This place has gone to HELL!

Stede, to Ed: He does this once a week.

Black Pete: GOD you're so clingy.

Lucius: YOU came into MY bed???

Stede: Sometimes, people ask me how I manage my crew so easily. The answer is, I don't.

Stede: Yesterday The Swede called me into the kitchen and when I got there, Roach shot me in the throat with a Nerf gun.

[Izzy and Lucius reaching for a burger at the same time, their hands touch, their eyes meet]

Lucius: Hey, this is kinda gay-

Izzy: Get the fuck off my McDonald's.

[planning to attack another ship]

Stede: So what's the name of the target?

Frenchie: The cat's name is Oreo.

Stede: That's not what I asked.

Frenchie: That's what I know.

Oluwande: Tell me your wildest fantasy.

Jim: I'm on Wheel of Fortune and I spin the wheel so hard it lights on fire.

Oluwande: I meant like-

Jim: Everyone claps.

Stede: We call that a traumatic moment.

Stede, turning to Frenchie: Not a 'bruh moment'.

Stede, turning to Black Pete: Not a 'major L'.

Stede, turning to Jim: And definitely not an "OOF LMAO".

Mary: What do you want to be for Halloween, Stede?

Stede: Loved.

Mary: don't do this

Izzy, Fang, and Ivan: [arguing]

Blackbeard: [slaps arm on the table] WE ARE IN A GODDAMN IHOP. ACT LIKE IT.