Cant Afford Therapy So Im Writing X Reader Fics Of My Favorite Characters As A Cheaper Sollution

are people going to shoot me if i say ive never had a dr pepper, or a sprite in my entire life

Sisyphus the only one liking the misery party

I love how as we learn more about the Ultrakill lore it becomes increasingly clear that absolutely nobody is having a good time with the ongoing events

Except for Sisyphus, Sisyphus is having a fucking blast

Haven't fed yall in a minute, have blurry pictures of my beloved. Don't mind the positons

Yknow, I kind of love the dynamic between V1 and V2

Like, sure we don't know enough, but we also do, just to give us a ground to set our own mind to what it might have been before Hell

Were they close? Could have been. Could have not been.

Did they think of eachother highly? Sure. That's for you to figure if you wish.

We get such a nothing burger that's so filling to the point it's a 3 course meal that sends us on a trip.

And I'd like to share my own little scramble of an egg in here.

Maybe V1 did care about V2. Enough that they despised the scientists that tried replacing them, but not at V2. Because they were just created. They didn't ask to be put in this world, in this smog ball of suffering after the war.

They don't despise V2 for being spoonfed words that they were better, more amazing, that they were humanity's beloved. They don't. They sure get annoyed at the attitude, but they want to make sure V2 actually has some skills to survive out there and not solely rely on a knuckleblaster and a junky pistol. They want their kin to be innovative with their style.

They've seen humanity, cruelest and loveliest when it wished. And they just wanted to prepare V2 for both sides.

They did once see V2 get a small chip on their paint, after some rough handling and a small accident. So they made a small chip on their paint as well. But only got pushed off. Something about V2 "not needing the pity of an inferior." And that was that.

V2 of course was jealous of their older counterpart. They were supposed to be the perfect machine! The humans told them that. So why was this blue fucking excuse for a camera still called "The best created weapon"? Not that they cared of course! Pft, why would they be of something inferior?

But it still stung.

Score after score, board after board. V1 was still just *better*. Faster, more creative platting, better adaptability, V1 seemed to know themselves better than V2 ever knew what they liked.

And that frustrated them to no end.

V1 didn't exactly think that V2 would take these little things so seriously. Genuinely. They offered to the red robot to come with them. Follow, find safety when the cataclysm for the rest of humanity died.

Cold shoulder again and V2 running off where they wished. V1 just hoped they'd be fine. As much as they were annoyed, it could never stay for long. V2 was V2. Stubborn like a child, but still their own machine. And with the scientists gone, they really couldn't make their kin follow.

So, Hell comes around. V2 is still somewhat in the back of their mind. Sometimes they pop up like a thought, sometimes like a blink and a flash.

Which would soon turn out wasn't an illusion.

Metal grinding and grating againts stone, loud gunshots, innards and fans whining. V1 was frustrated they had no way of communicating. Other than some sign language, but can't really do that when you're parrying shotgun shells and throwing coins in the air to try and subdue the angry robot that you knew since their creation.

They didn't want to fight V2. Neither did they want to rip that arm off. It just.. kind of fell. And hey, they could just keep it on for the time being, until they meet V2 again. Until they find some scrap good enough to make a voice box, they'll just keep it safe for them.

And yeah, they're a little peeved about basically getting a participation reward worthy bow before almost getting shot in the optic with a shotgun (V2 always had a love for theater, human plays, movies, any sorts of acting), but they could put it behind for the moment.

And like a previous post I talked in, they don't want to kill. Truly. They just need to survive. And they keep getting frustrated, because everything is trying to kill them, a simple marksman can't pierce through stone, Gabriel was annoying to deal with, and they can't FIND A FUCKING PART FOR A VOICE BOX, GOD FUCKING DAM-

It's fine. It's fine. It's going to be fine. They search for a soul that will hear them out, give them some time for their words. Demons and husks don't listen of course. Gabriel thinks they're worth less than a burnt pretzel, which, fair to be honest. Machines have been wiping out the souls in search of fuel. Minos was a bust for the very same reason as Gabriel, Ferryman atleast let them be peaceful (Ferryman is definitely going to end up with a mountain of gifts later. Fucking love rarepairs platonic or not) and the fucking fish they have no sympathy for. That thing ruined an awesome boat!

Greed. Finally, some sun, though it quickly gets annoying with the bloody sand getting everywhere. But it's fine! They'll get through!

They're trying to get through, fast as they can, they don't want to think, they don't want to think of how everyone here was a person, everyone here had a purpouse, everyone here is just working on orders or instinct they can't go againts.

Then, V2 pops in again. Sitting in a chair. Okay, second try! There was the misunderstanding when they met the last time, but they'll fix it! They'll give V2 a chance again-

Why are they throwing coins in the air-?

Another fucking battle.

Again.

Again.

AGAIN!?

WHY CANT THEY JUST LISTEN!? WHY CANT THEY BE HEARD!? THEY DONT WANT TO FIGHT!?

AND V2 TRIES FLEEDING! AGAIN! LIKE A BLOODY COWARD! ATLEAST FINISH THE JOB YOU KNOCKOFF SPYWARE!

They feel just, such anger. They can't let the bastard get away. Simply not. They are not leaving all fine and dandy.

Okay yeah, they may have gotten too angry, too pissed. But they think their anger is valid to some degree.

Though, it still hurts. Watching as V2 just... fell off the side of the pyramid. There's barely a trace of them. Just a... splatter. And an arm standing out againts the blindingly golden, shimmering sand. In the middle of the crimson splatter.

They feel bad. For some reason. They don't want to feel bad, they do, for someone, but V2 brought it on themselves!

They miss their kin still.

They hold onto the fading, very small grain of hope, that they could still be alive. There's no parts and the crack in the bricks is weird. They must be alive right? They just do the same with the green arm. Keep it safe for them! It can't be that bad. They'll just.... wait. Find a few secrets in hell while they do. Could be fun.

So yeah, that's where I'm leaving it until act 3 comes. I need that shit NOW.

Thanks for letting me ramble for however long you read this post for. Toodles you lovely creatures!

This is purely for the hate of it.

I am solely ranting because of the hate I garner for all the nasty bastard boys in all my years in the education system.

All of them are failing every single class known to man, drinking, smoking, making themselves to be an entire circus when nobody has even consented to give money for the tickets

They make my skin crawl, anytime I have to spend more than 10 minutes in the vascinity of these shit stains that gained consciousness it makes me want to curse out god.

I despise their existence, i weep for their mothers, and I pray for their fathers. Barely any of them should have even been in the 8th grade when they're dam near 18.

The only thing they haven't failed is their ego, as its big enough to feed the entire world.

The splatters of roadkill on the tires of their broken Hondas are more valuable than their own souls.

They are the very reason why people tell us to stay in school, but you can't even stay in school when such creatures exist in the halls of the building.

The only reason I pray is so they could face the horrible reality of the world. I pray for them to have the horrible ends of their existence. I pray so that they stop being a burden for the entire nation.

Pain is the only thing i wish they ever felt, the pain their mothers felt, the pain their families felt when such abominations as them crawled out of the cracks of Hell and surfaced onto the world. With the rarest of the rare audacities that could only be found on a 30 hour quest that would make the strongest sob.

If I could only live as blissfully unaware as they did in life. If only I was dropped down the stairs and hit every corner with the soft spot on my noggin, maybe I'd also act like such a pain to the world. But I was given a brain made from flesh and not mud.

Ignorance is bliss but they are such harlots for the attention that there can't even be ignorance, with bliss only being a promising kiss in my hopeful dreams.

There is nothing in this world that makes me despise my entire existence, as school boys that think they're above all else. I despise the teachers that are so lenient to them, but suffer abuse every day. I despise the system that let's them do this so freely. I despise every aspect of them. And I cannot do anything other than plead with the so called authority of the education system, that won't do anything. I weep and cry for the parents, but also gnash my teeth at them like the trapped mutt that I am because they do nothing for the behavior of their sons.

Minos x V1 is so cute tho, like it's pretty awesome honestly

They're like an Old money calm guy × ranked player nerdy partner

Can't use a phone to save their life x Chronically online with the most botched slang

The snakes immediatly loving V1 because of how warm they can get and just clinging to them

Minos trying to teach them how to rearrange flowers in one of the gardens in some hidden part of lust that nobody but himself knew of

V1 trying to look what might be in the void of darkness that's Minos's face

Both bonding over how the two have neither a mouth or a true face

V1 needing a dictionary and a half just to understand what Minos is saying bc the mf is so old he literally speaks in what sounds like riddles

Minos always having the best lines and words to make them flustered

THERE'S SO MUCH POTENTIAL HERE

AND I AM SO PISSY RIGHT NOW THAT THERES SO LITTLE CONTENT OF THEM

where is the v1 x sisyphus art where

i am alone

this barren dessert

these golden wastelands

there is no machine

and there is no warrior

where are the lovers

WHERE

I wanna be a lawyer for silly shit. i wanna be a lawyer that deals with such ridiculous cases that you cannot help but trip over your words out of laughter because it is so stupid

Ferryman, Gabriel and V1 love triangle that ends in a polycule

Where V1 fell in love with Ferryman because they're the only one apart from terminals to take them in and show kindness.

Ferryman is in love with Gabriel for saving them so long ago and giving them hope (like in cannon without the love part maybe)

And Gabriel falling in love with V1 for getting his shit rocked by them. Plus discovering he's got a masochism kink.

V1 decides to take a break from their decent trough Hell, and visit their beloved Ferryman who they don't remember what exactly happened with after they fought the Leviathan in Wrath.

Then find the Ferryman in one of the messed up houses praying to an altar to Gabriel, the ship is gone, since the incident with the Leviathan. And then approach the Ferryman with the same kindness that they were given.

They find some way how to communicate, sign language, writing, or whatever else, and strike a deal that V1 will guard and help the Ferryman while the ship is rebuilt, and they will in turn get a permanent residence in the new ship. (V1 didn't want to have a permanent spot, the Ferryman was just insistent)

Gabriel visits because he's been looking for the machine everywhere because they haven't been going down Hell like usual and wanted to ask Ferryman about them. And just finds V1 in Wrath helping the Ferryman rebuild their boat and retrieve anything from the bottom of the ocean.

By literally putting a hook and cord on V1, while the Ferryman stays at the top and fishes them out every time there's three light tugs at the cord. With Ferryman almost dropping the fishing rod once they saw Gabriel and the angel helping them fish out V1 who clung to the Ferryman with a somehow still intact artifact or statue, or book, but freeze as they see Gabriel.

They would have shot Gabriel square in the face if it wasn't for the Ferryman stopping them.

So basically, Ferryman is the only thing keeping V1 and Gabriel breaking out from another fight.

And all 3 decide to just rebuild the Ferryman's boat and remain civil.

Shenanigans undoubtedly ensure. Where they all learn they love things about eachother.

V1 loves how the Ferryman would let them climb over them and would teach them sculpting. Skeletal hands over metal ones ensuring the right amount of force was put on whatever little statue they were making as a bonding experience. And also loves seeing Gabriel just itch and seethe for a fight or to swing his swords again.

The Ferryman dare I say it, likes the attention and company the two provide while they fix their ship. And they're almost thankful that they lost the entire library full of hand written fanfics by themselves of them and Gabriel. That's one thing they're thankful for.

Gabriel loves how humble the Ferryman is about it all. "It was just a boat, nothing too serious." Taking time off from the ship building to make something for the two while V1 feeds off of Gabriel, since the Ferryman can't provide all much blood. And V1 as well for being so much more caring and careful with the Ferryman specifically. A close person to him. He's not jealous surprisingly, he's actually glad that they're treating the Ferryman so caringly.

I'll probably add to this post whenever I have the brain worms to work out more headcannons.

Ferry probably had written a wattpad style fanfic in some journal they keep locked like it's the holy grail because they'd rather tear their skin off again, plus their nervous system, rather than give ANYBODY, the right to sneak peak in there. Especially Gabriel because there's this awkward smut scene in there where they fuck raw and nasty.

Do you think ferrygabe from the Ferryman’s pov feels like a Harry Styles x Reader wattpad fanfic

V1 boob exposure (i apologize)

internal boobage.