I Want To Kms - Blog Posts

i love this STUPID idiot dork #i drew this weeks ago and i hate it yay sketch

This is purely for the hate of it.

I am solely ranting because of the hate I garner for all the nasty bastard boys in all my years in the education system.

All of them are failing every single class known to man, drinking, smoking, making themselves to be an entire circus when nobody has even consented to give money for the tickets

They make my skin crawl, anytime I have to spend more than 10 minutes in the vascinity of these shit stains that gained consciousness it makes me want to curse out god.

I despise their existence, i weep for their mothers, and I pray for their fathers. Barely any of them should have even been in the 8th grade when they're dam near 18.

The only thing they haven't failed is their ego, as its big enough to feed the entire world.

The splatters of roadkill on the tires of their broken Hondas are more valuable than their own souls.

They are the very reason why people tell us to stay in school, but you can't even stay in school when such creatures exist in the halls of the building.

The only reason I pray is so they could face the horrible reality of the world. I pray for them to have the horrible ends of their existence. I pray so that they stop being a burden for the entire nation.

Pain is the only thing i wish they ever felt, the pain their mothers felt, the pain their families felt when such abominations as them crawled out of the cracks of Hell and surfaced onto the world. With the rarest of the rare audacities that could only be found on a 30 hour quest that would make the strongest sob.

If I could only live as blissfully unaware as they did in life. If only I was dropped down the stairs and hit every corner with the soft spot on my noggin, maybe I'd also act like such a pain to the world. But I was given a brain made from flesh and not mud.

Ignorance is bliss but they are such harlots for the attention that there can't even be ignorance, with bliss only being a promising kiss in my hopeful dreams.

There is nothing in this world that makes me despise my entire existence, as school boys that think they're above all else. I despise the teachers that are so lenient to them, but suffer abuse every day. I despise the system that let's them do this so freely. I despise every aspect of them. And I cannot do anything other than plead with the so called authority of the education system, that won't do anything. I weep and cry for the parents, but also gnash my teeth at them like the trapped mutt that I am because they do nothing for the behavior of their sons.

"Your motivating goal cannot be to join Ramy"

ever want to be guy but not in a trans way like i like been a woman and i love the freedom that comes with it but whenever i see a guy i get intence gender envy like WHY isn't that me. i wanna be a guy but i like been a girl so like i don't think i would transition because like.

UGHHHHHHH

gender is so complicated

i consider myself really masculine and have numerous male dominated hobbies so like kill me

i love wearing skirts, wearing shit tons of make up and getting all dressed up

but at the same time i want to wear guyliner, be friends with guys the same way guys are friends with guys and like

but when i really think about it i don't think i want to be a guy either

someone help me

Vent

oh yeah, today's been great, definitely didn't relapse. definitely didn't nearly have a panic attack because I thought blood was dripping down my arm in lesson. definitely didn't keep walking into the guy who made s*x jokes about me for half a year last year. definitely not getting angry and overwhelmed by everything and getting yelled at by my parnsst to sort my attitude out.

me looking round the classroom, hoping no one saw me flinch when the teacher started shouting

which one is best

god i want to die

my boyfriend is gonna break up with me and i gained five pounds bc of halloween

my boyfriend keeps on talking about how much he wants another girl

why can't I be the type of girl that forgets to eat when stressed instead of eating too much

also which picture is better

I want to die

wow, i jst ruined another friendship

should i jst kms atp yall?

welp

were getting to the point where im ghosting ppl i love n care abt again

fuck

(chat, is it weird that i feel an attempt coming?)

im a bad person

i only hurt those around me

everyones lives would be better if i was dead

i only ruin things

i shouldve died a long time ago

i shouldve never made it this far

im not going to get further in life anyways

im going to die before im 20

either from su1cide or from my illness

i hope i die soon

everyone would be better off that way

(sooner or later im gonna sl1t my throat or ove3d0se on my meds or h4ng myself from a tree in my backyard)

me when i promise i wont kms but my 20 minutes of happiness pass n i wanna do it again:

THEY REPLACED ME

theyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedme

they said i was their favourite

they said they loved me

they said that IM their number one

WHY DID THEY REPLACE ME

DID I JST MEAN NOTHING TO THEM

DID THEY JST LIE THIS WHOLE TIME

IF THEY WERE TELLING THE TRUTH, HOW DID THEY REPLACE ME SO EASILY

am i rlly that replaceable?

i think im feeling it now

jst like u do

if god doesnt to it, im taking matters into my own hands istfg

i hope this is my last year

fr, yall will never understand how disappointed i am of myself rn, bcz i was actually getting kinda better n now im thinking abt the fastest n easiest ways to commit again

The moment you actually start thinking about suicide again after being okay is so painful

literally my healing era rn:

(im switching from being completely healed n from being on the verge of su1c1de <33)

Constantly switching between healing and complete self destruction

"u never even loved me!!"

FUCK U

when i thought u died, i literally went through a breakdown during which i completely changed my personality, stopped e@ting n started cvting myself myself again after 3 months of being clean

soo, idk but i think that this shows that u ment at least a little to me, dontcha think?