Borderline Blog - Blog Posts

two months ago in psych ward

why am i even bothering with sobriety and cleanness at this point. all i wanna do is be high and forget how fucking miserable im gonna be for the rest of my life. just for a few hours. but i cAnT because tHinGs WoNt EvEr gEt BeTtEr iF yOuRe uSiNg. who the fuck cares if it gets better at this point? it obviously fucking won't. i'm trapped in this fucking disgusting body forever. the least i can do for myself is make myself happy for a little while.

it is 11:40pm. i logically know that my friends are asleep and not deliberately ignoring me. does that stop the mean angry gnome in my brain from telling me they despise my existence in their lives? absolutely not

and the worst part is that the only person i have to talk to, is said mean angry brain gnome. 🙃

because everyone else is asleep. 🙃

chat should i actually block every single one of my friends from my hometown and completely isolate myself in another province

"read 2 hours ago" okay what if i just block you and you never hear from me again instead

is anyone else's mother a passive aggressive cunt for no reason or is it just mine

theres something about being called "buddy" by someone who used to call you their "babyboy" that really just stabs me 87 in the chest

you know when you're talking to your friend who you also used to date and they're talking about their new love interests and it's all you can fucking do not to lose your shit and split on them and just listen and congratulate them because logically you love that person because they are your best friend and they also love you but shit just didn't work romantically between the two of you but now every time they talk about it you wanna put scissors in your ears because you feel so fucking lonely and disgusting and unworthy of the thing that everyone else has but you don't??

no me neither

THEY REPLACED ME

theyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedme

they said i was their favourite

they said they loved me

they said that IM their number one

WHY DID THEY REPLACE ME

DID I JST MEAN NOTHING TO THEM

DID THEY JST LIE THIS WHOLE TIME

IF THEY WERE TELLING THE TRUTH, HOW DID THEY REPLACE ME SO EASILY

am i rlly that replaceable?

to that one person

no revenge bcz one day ull realize i only had the purest intentions towards u, i never hurt u, all i did was love u, n i hope ull realize it n that itll haunt u for the rest of ur life

you might not like me anymore but ill always love you. ill never meet someone who is as amazing and pretty as you, and, in turn, youll never meet someone whos even a little bit similar to me, and i hope that fucking haunts you.