Su1c1d4l - Blog Posts

When your friend invites you to hangout with them and their friends, but it’s awkward for you because you don’t speak and you’re socially awkward. So you distance yourself, and pray they notice. (They never do)

unfortunately, I'm very much still alive and kicking.

Is it possible to feel so lonely despite being around people?

Mental health getting so bad, I'm self sabotaging and ending all of my remaining friendships.

The feeling of emptiness when you're with people.

The gut wrenching feeling when people are happy.

The feeling when people ask the heart pounding question "Are you okay?".

The feeling someone is looking at you even at your own home.

The feeling when someone ask what's wrong with you.

The feeling of waking up.

The feeling you'll never recover.

I really want to end it all right now, its so damn tiring. What's the point in living anyways? I can't even bring myself to seek help anymore, why bother asking for help? I should just end it all, why i am hesitating? I am already tired, i don't see myself getting better either.

Living just keeps getting harder by the day, I don't know if i can keep going like this. I hate going to school. The way people look at me is so suffocating. The way people talk about me. Why do i have to suffer like this? Is liking someone a crime now? Just because i liked a guy? School isn't fair, they only got off with a warning. I can't even bring myself to look at people anymore, i feel like i am the one at fault, and not the victim with the way people look at me.

I hate highschool.

I thought that everything was going great and i was getting better, then everything started to go downhill again.

I wanna kms already

Stop acting like you know me.

The fact that you're feeling sick but your mother still forces you to go to school because it's friday

I promised myself i would stop cuttting, i guess some promises are meant to be broken.

How do i die in my sleep?

How do you kill yourself in the most painless way?

I can never trust anyone.

I should've kept everything to myself.

I should've stayed quiet.

I keep throwing up wtf

I failed at trying to get rid of myself. It hurts

I feel tired.

when my parents find out I eated too many funny medicine candy (dad’s tramadol) and I had to go to the hospital but now the fun candy is locked up so I can’t eated more bc I’m upset rn:

wow, i jst ruined another friendship

should i jst kms atp yall?

welp

were getting to the point where im ghosting ppl i love n care abt again

fuck

(chat, is it weird that i feel an attempt coming?)

im a bad person

i only hurt those around me

everyones lives would be better if i was dead

i only ruin things

i shouldve died a long time ago

i shouldve never made it this far

im not going to get further in life anyways

im going to die before im 20

either from su1cide or from my illness

i hope i die soon

everyone would be better off that way

(sooner or later im gonna sl1t my throat or ove3d0se on my meds or h4ng myself from a tree in my backyard)

me when i promise i wont kms but my 20 minutes of happiness pass n i wanna do it again:

THEY REPLACED ME

theyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedme

they said i was their favourite

they said they loved me

they said that IM their number one

WHY DID THEY REPLACE ME

DID I JST MEAN NOTHING TO THEM

DID THEY JST LIE THIS WHOLE TIME

IF THEY WERE TELLING THE TRUTH, HOW DID THEY REPLACE ME SO EASILY

am i rlly that replaceable?

i think im feeling it now

jst like u do

if god doesnt to it, im taking matters into my own hands istfg

i hope this is my last year

fr, yall will never understand how disappointed i am of myself rn, bcz i was actually getting kinda better n now im thinking abt the fastest n easiest ways to commit again

The moment you actually start thinking about suicide again after being okay is so painful

literally my healing era rn:

(im switching from being completely healed n from being on the verge of su1c1de <33)

Constantly switching between healing and complete self destruction