I Thought That Everything Was Going Great And I Was Getting Better, Then Everything Started To Go Downhill

I keep throwing up wtf

why is my mind trying to kill me

its a genuine illness to be living and simultaneously battling the other half of myself from self destructing

I failed at trying to get rid of myself. It hurts

anxiety has taken away all my happiness.

I have a distinct memory of laying in my bed as a kid and wishing with all my heart that I would get hurt. That I would get into a bad car crash or I'd disappear. So my parents would cry and realize they didn't cherish me enough.

I find it sad that younger me thought she had to get hurt to feel loved.

Mental health getting so bad, I'm self sabotaging and ending all of my remaining friendships.

fuck. suicidal and in a bad place again

The feeling of emptiness when you're with people.

The gut wrenching feeling when people are happy.

The feeling when people ask the heart pounding question "Are you okay?".

The feeling someone is looking at you even at your own home.

The feeling when someone ask what's wrong with you.

The feeling of waking up.

The feeling you'll never recover.

The moment i'll finally be at peace, is the day i die.

My brain is so fucking loud.

I need it all to stop.

Everything.

I can't keep living this life anymore.