My Brain Is So Fucking Loud.

I have a distinct memory of laying in my bed as a kid and wishing with all my heart that I would get hurt. That I would get into a bad car crash or I'd disappear. So my parents would cry and realize they didn't cherish me enough.

I find it sad that younger me thought she had to get hurt to feel loved.

I keep throwing up wtf

School is so fucking hard

i need to (remembers that suicide jokes only hurt yourself and those around you) fag it up

I should've ended it.

fuck. suicidal and in a bad place again

please just make it stop

Living just keeps getting harder by the day, I don't know if i can keep going like this. I hate going to school. The way people look at me is so suffocating. The way people talk about me. Why do i have to suffer like this? Is liking someone a crime now? Just because i liked a guy? School isn't fair, they only got off with a warning. I can't even bring myself to look at people anymore, i feel like i am the one at fault, and not the victim with the way people look at me.

I hate highschool.

I really want to end it all right now, its so damn tiring. What's the point in living anyways? I can't even bring myself to seek help anymore, why bother asking for help? I should just end it all, why i am hesitating? I am already tired, i don't see myself getting better either.

Why i am so special in your eyes? Why do you like me so much? I wish i was a better person, i am so sorry.