Why I Am So Special In Your Eyes? Why Do You Like Me So Much? I Wish I Was A Better Person, I Am So Sorry.

- I Guess the Old You is a Ghost (#589: June 25, 2014)

I’ll always be the ugly friend, the friend that nobody ever finds attractive, the insecure friend, the depressed friend, the friend with social anxiety, the dumb friend, the always left out friend, the useless friend.

anxiety has taken away all my happiness.

feeling like shit mentally and physically

I have a distinct memory of laying in my bed as a kid and wishing with all my heart that I would get hurt. That I would get into a bad car crash or I'd disappear. So my parents would cry and realize they didn't cherish me enough.

I find it sad that younger me thought she had to get hurt to feel loved.

It’s crazy to me that there are people out there who never thought about killing themselves even once where as I think about it 24/7 every single day

Living just keeps getting harder by the day, I don't know if i can keep going like this. I hate going to school. The way people look at me is so suffocating. The way people talk about me. Why do i have to suffer like this? Is liking someone a crime now? Just because i liked a guy? School isn't fair, they only got off with a warning. I can't even bring myself to look at people anymore, i feel like i am the one at fault, and not the victim with the way people look at me.

I hate highschool.

School is so fucking hard

I really want to end it all right now, its so damn tiring. What's the point in living anyways? I can't even bring myself to seek help anymore, why bother asking for help? I should just end it all, why i am hesitating? I am already tired, i don't see myself getting better either.