I Hate My Existence - Blog Posts

I'm gonna actually chuck myself off the side of a building. I can't do this anymore. Life actually hates me. Everything keeps going wrong, but then it dangles something nice right in front of my face, just to snap it in half. I'm just so tired. I can't do this anymore. I am one more bad event away from ending it all. Stop pushing me to my breaking point, PLEASE!!!!

I'm actually going to sob

I accidently deleted all my camera pictures on accident

I had so much shit there

Like deadass

So many pictures of my cat, of my family, of my friends, of memories

I'm a joke

I can't belive it.

How could I have been so stupid.

I'm so sorry

Trigger Warning: Vent art w/ suicide-related content

The only way to go through the day is to find is a new TV show to obesses over, preferably one with at least 3 seasons.

Every winter all I think about is a holiday in a snowy place, in a village perhaps, where no one talks to me or see me. Where I can sit in front of the fire and drink hot tea listening to classical music and read novels. Where I can smile as much as I want. Cry as much as I want. Nothing comes in my way, I don't come in the way of others. I just exist. I don't have anything to worry about, anything to look forward to.

I I H I T L

W D O H H I

A O W A E V

N N B V W E

T T U E I G

T K T L L O

O N I O L O

D O W S T D

I W I T O B

E L Y

L E

I don't know how many times I have to say this:

I DON'T NEED HELP

I just want to sleep and not wake up again

Is that too hard to ask?

As an INTP. It's really hard to exist in a world that feels so integrated for sensors or people with high Fi/Fe. I just feel like an alien among my peers. I don't speak in class. I don't have many friends. I hate my incompetent and overly strict teachers. I don't get social cues and dynamics. I don't get inside jokes. I don't get why I have to know the stuff they teach me. I don't think I should trust my teenage mind to pick a career for the rest of the life. Everything seems bleak and boring.

It sucksss when you are not good at maths and physics and all that nonsense that people care for. It hurts when you don't get to be appreciated for your talents beacuse people don't care about the things you are good at. Especially being an INTP, it's hard to ignore that most of other INTPs are known for being the math and computer nerd (not a huge fan of computer either).

I want to read poetry and dissect 19th cen. novels and their themes. I want to debate on philosophy and politics. I want to write essays and articles on global issues. I want to read books by authors all around the world.

It took me some time to realise (not really, I always knew) that I was made not for the STEM subjects. I was made for the art, the history, the love for literature. As John Keating said in dead poet's society;

"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for"

The person I hate the most in the world will always be my 12th grade Maths teacher (who would have been fired if he wasn't from my shitty country)

I am graduating soon. So here it goes-

"Thanks Disney channel for giving me unrealistic ideas about high school and life. A thanks to Harry Potter for making me hate my life some more. I thank Pinterest for providing me endless ideas. I thank reddit for keeping me busy with debates. I thank all the apps that consumed most of my life. And special thanks to YouTube for raising me as a child"

You want to kiss me ?

The thing that killed Jesus ?

Me and bro on some meta shit you wouldn’t understand

On my communicating with the spirits of deceased excommunicated members of the church era

A cockroach saved my life the other day and I am now convinced that it was Kafka from the other side

What I’ve been up to? Oh you know the usual. Recognising parallels, symbolisms or perhaps euphuisms, deciphering runes, taking in the absurdity of life, analysing old sayings and making my life into a big metaphor in order to cope.

Having a crush is NOT for the weak

Tag yourself down below !

I actually cannot take it anymore lol

My own brain traumatises me

Journaling my realisations about life as if it’s a manifesto that people during the next century will base their political and ethical ideologies on.

Taking a hot bath to prepare myself for the fiery pits of hell

There are 3 things I want :

1. Peace of mind

2. A chance to experience free will

3. A glass of cold milk

When they hurt you so bad you start making arts and crafts, disappearing into the woods and taking your medication

Starting to get the feeling that having the urge to listen to the entire preacher’s daughter album after being romantically involved with a man is not normal

Maybe gonna change my account name...again.

Let me just fix the big shit mistake i made.

fr, yall will never understand how disappointed i am of myself rn, bcz i was actually getting kinda better n now im thinking abt the fastest n easiest ways to commit again

The moment you actually start thinking about suicide again after being okay is so painful