By This Scene I Was Exhausted Like Let Them GO

Being a fic writer sometimes feels like I’m a reality tv producer running around with a camera to capture scenes

And sometimes, parts of the cast just aren’t mic’d up - so I have no idea what they were saying in my maladaptive post production writing /editing

And then I have to be the annoying “um excuse me☝️” guy to remind everyone I need to HEAR WHAT THEY’RE SAYING TO WRITE IT HELLO

But now the chemistry’s lost 💔 it’s not as organic💔 so now I have to run one on one confessionals with my cast hoping someone will remember what the hell one character said / thought at that particular time with enough clarity for me to frankenstitch a semi decent conversation together( everything they say is to be taken with a grain of they-don’t-know- what-I-have- in-store-for-them salt )

Peter who completely forgets he used a random date for his birthday when he was forging his papers

and then gets jump scared when he steps into his apartment and (amongst other guests) a bloodied Wally, a kilt wearing Roy, a hockey-masked Dick, and a blue scrubbed, scalpel wielding Artemis all yell surprise at him (the date was in fact Halloween)

Peter: so..if Dick is the chainsaw massacre guy, what are the three of you supposed to be?

Wally: (confidently) well, I think ours is pretty obvious - It’s a couple’s fit!!

Peter: (looking between Wally and Art) okay..and you are?

Artemis: A surgeon. He’s the organ donor I trafficked.

Peter: . . .what-?

Artemis: boring right? I think I’ve seen three other couples with the same costume on the way here.

Peter: *suddenly remembering he’s in Gotham*. . .yk what, yeah that checks out.

Roy: I’ve kept it simple this year. I’m an Irishman.

Peter: well that’s lazy. You were already ginger - and why exactly is that terrifying anyway?

Roy:

Peter:

Roy: (deep breath) Okay, I’m going to talk about Ireland. Specifically I want to talk about the famine-

In my mind Peter treats Bruce like they’re that one 40 y/o + 20 something y/o coworker duo in every corporate office

and it completely baffles Bruce bc ??? how’re you oversharing and simultaneously saying nothing at all

And the problem now is he gets war flashbacks from the stress inducing clusterfuck problems Peter offhandedly tells him about, so every so often he’ll cave and ask Dick about him when he’s not around (“that Peter…did he ever get that denied exam extension sorted?”)

But when he finally does see him it’s like the problem never mattered (“oh - what? I said that? Right no, I just emailed the tutor. But you know, that TA who slept with him said...”) until he mentions something crazy again and the cycle continues.

Basically - organised Bruce meeting Peter “there’s a lot of moving parts so I choose to keep track of none of them” Parker

Jason gets Peter a motorbike for his birthday

And Peter’s so ecstatic that he momentarily forgets about everything else.

“Well I still think my gift’s better.” Dick mutters (sulks).

Tim has the courtesy to hide his snort. Artemis just outright laughs.

Black with red highlights, a shiny metallic web addition that continues over the gas tank and ending just over the fender. The bike is sleek and fucking wicked.

And he says as much, of course.

Jason, smug, tosses the keys. “So try it then.”

Peter catches them on reflex then laughs a little nervously. He puts the key into the ignition, the motor is surprisingly quiet. Discreet. Perfect for quick escape or even a casual night drive.

“I love it.”

Jason rolls his eyes. “course you do. I customised it. Now stop fucking with me and get on.”

But Peter stares at him. And Jason stares back. And now they’re both at a staring stalemate when a realisation dawns on Jason and his jaw drops.

This is the conversation that follows:

Jason: You’re kidding me right?

Peter: I never had the time…

Tim: You’re old as hell dude, what do you mean no time? Wait - how do you even get around?

Peter: [winces] Well public-

Tim: PUBLIC TRANSPORT?

Artemis: In Gotham?? Are you insane? You do realise some of those bus stops are like..not real right?

Jason: I have never seen a bus before. I’ve been driving since I was 8

[ Tim mutters a sly “we can tell” but it gets drowned out by the commotion ]

Peter: I lived in Queens all my life dude never got around to it I’m sorry!!

Cue: spontaneous driving lessons in Art’s car with Backseat Driver Jason, “You’re going too fast” Dick, “He cut you off - run him over” Artemis and “the horn is my stress reliever” Tim

1. Peter, sitting nervously in the drivers seat after putting on his seatbelt

Peter: Are you sure about this Artemis? I don’t want to ruin your car.

Artemis: oh this is Wally’s. You’re fine.

Peter: Doesn’t he drive to work? What if I crash?

Artemis:. . .then he’ll walk. Duh.

2. After explaining the basic semantics

Dick: okay now turn left.

Peter: my left or your left.

Dick:. . .we have the same left?

3. A car behind them begins driving too close to them

Peter: omgod why the hell is that car is so close. What do I do?

Jason: keep driving, that loser can man up and over take us.

Artemis: Break check him.

Tim: that’s illegal-

Artemis: -and then keep reversing. See how he likes kissing my ass.

4. Peter stuck going round a round-a-bout

Peter: WHERE DO I EXIT-

Dick: LEFT LEFT TAKE THE NEXT LEFT-

Peter: WHICH LEFT IM GOING IN CIRCLES-

Jason: YOUR LEFT YOU PSYCHO-

Artemis: We need to pullover TIM’S FAINTED

Artemis: (moments later) no never mind he’s just asleep.

———

Based on scenarios I’ve concocted in my mind palace thinking of my Peter in Gotham fanfic (writing it has been treacherous and I need reprieve)

[Damian and Peter sketching on some rooftop]

Damian: what did you draw?

Peter: (flipping his sketch book) A dog. And he’s bored. What did you draw?

Damian: (sighing) A stick.

Peter: A stick??

Damian: A stick from the park where YOU PROMISED TO TAKE ME TODAY!!!

Omgod percabeth office au where Percabeth are emailing back and forth over an issue in passive aggressive corporate speak (Percy totally thinks they’re flirting, Annabeth is confused and problemsolving)

Annabeth: What's the most polite way to phrase "you fucked up big time and need to fix this now or else" in a professional email?

Percy: "Hello, I hope this email finds you before I do"

Trying to explain scenes from my fic to anyone but words escape me and the characters do whatever they want and I need to literally project the visuals into your mind complete with a soundtrack of whatever song I was cooking it up to so I end up saying um and ah alot

but pleek you get it right? RIGHT-

Peter has no idea Steph and Tim aren’t exclusive

So when he walks past Tim in an alcove at Gotham U cozied up awfully close with someone else he doesn’t initially say anything (but by god he’s judging) and when he makes eye contact with him a few days later sucking face with a different girl at the library cafe, Peter makes his disapproval KNOWN.

Missions at Mt Justice don’t change and he doesn’t ask to switch teams or anything drastic - but there’s next to no banter between them anymore. No silly games or witty jokes - Peter just clocks in and clocks the fuck out now. And no can even say anything because - he responds! And he still works just fine when they’re paired up. He also listens / replies when spoken to - he just isn’t friendly anymore.

In fact - he totally shuts down any conversation Tim joins and gets the coldest look on his face which is BAFFLES EVERYONE???

Because holy shit Peter doesn’t like you?? Do you kick puppies for a living - what the hell???

They’ve never really seen Peter mad before. Annoyed - sure. But this ice out is a new one and honestly kind of scary.

And Tim is ???? So confused. Because he has no idea what Peter’s upset about since he hadn’t actually noticed him that day.

Now - Jason obviously finds this hilarious because hell yeah fuck that guy (he knows they’re open he’s just saying choosing to say NOTHING).

Dick doesn’t know what to make of it because he’s pretty sure they were open? But now he’s doubting it because weren’t they just celebrating their anniversary?? (Zatanna mentioned it in passing but his ass was naaawt listening 😭).

No one’s told Damian why Peter doesn’t like Tim right now but he doesn’t care and finds the sudden switch gratifying (he never liked the guy anyway).

Artemis was concerned about the team’s harmony at first but has since decided to stay out of it since it hasn’t affected their work.

But Wally’s been avoiding him too?? Because someone told him a mutated version of the rumour and he now believes Tim tried to bribe Peter to hide his cheating.

[Wally: it’s all alleged but man, who knew he could be such a douchebag?

Roy: (scoffing) it’s a bitch move, that’s for sure.

Jason, who is now hearing a frankensteined version of his own rumour repeated back to him: oh yeah…it’s just - crazy. Really. But you know I heard….]

Everything comes to a head when the rumour gets back to Steph after she comes back from a covert mission so this is literally the intervention that follows:

Artemis: (holding the bridge of her nose) So. We’re gathered here today because I feel there’s been a bit of a misunderstanding.

Tim: there’s no misunderstanding. Spidershit over here’s been spreading FALSE rumours about me-

Peter: I SAW YOU WITH MY OWN EYES YOU PATHOLOGICAL LYING PEICE OF-

TIM: YOU’RE THE MANIPULATIVE LOS-

Steph: shut up! Both of you!

(Silence. Jason coughs)

Artemis: Now does anyone have anything to say before we start? (Sighing) Yes, Pete?

Peter: I get why Steph, Tim and Wally are here. But why’d you call Jason too?

Jason: (Standing up, dusting his pants) he’s right, there’s been a mix up.

Artemis: Sit down Jason - (gestures haphazardly at Wally) just - tell them what you told me. About Tim.

Wally: I…just said that I personally don’t feel comfortable being on the same team as someone who pretended to be an angel of music to manipulate a young girl into loving him with the ultimate intention of keeping her with him forever through fear and…coercion?

Steph: …

Tim: …

Peter: ….dude - what

Artemis: (audibly taking a deep breath) so I don’t know why he just recited the plot of Phantom of the Opera verbatim - but if you think for a second that I’m going to let you walk out in that zeta tube Jason Todd without an explan- SIT DOWN.

Jason: (slumping back in chair, groaning) For the record - I DONT EVEN GO HERE

(The issue was resolved pretty quickly after that)

——-

Jason using his theater knowledge for chaos🤩 another silly behind the scene moment from my fic 🫶

I needed this god bless

Damian: Richard I demand you read this book to me.

Dick: Aww Dam! Of course I will! Do you want me to do the voices?

Damian: If it brings you joy… I will allow you to do them.

Dick: Sure Dami I can do the voices!

Damian: …

Damian: Thank you Richard.

Sometimes, Peter forgets he and Dick are related

So they’ll be sitting next to each other on the couch eating takeout and talking about their day or things they planned to do that weekend - only for the realisation to hit him.

That Dick isn’t just a distant cousin or close friend like some of his documents like to state - but in fact, a variant of his bio dad from another universe who he’s grown accustom to and come to appreciate in his own way.

The Richard Parker he’d heard about through the nostalgic tales of his uncle - confident, fiercely loyal and charismatic - sitting beside him in shorts and a ratty tee discussing the fortune cookie that he took upon himself to open (“it can’t be my fortune if it wasn’t supposed to be my cookie..right?”)

Dick wasn't some distant figure in the albums of photos Peter owned anymore, a memory trapped in folds of his mind where the outlines of a person he once knew grew faded and worn.

He was alive - a little weird but also funny, surprisingly dorky and kind of annoying when he wanted to be. Sometimes he laughed at a joke so loud it echoed across the apartment and other times he'd nod and pat his back in silent acknowledgement.

He’d fall asleep into his cereal one morning but be up early cooking pancakes and eggs the next.

His actual bedroom was kind of a mess and he caught the man sleeping atop a pile of his own folded laundry more than once.

(and lets not even bring up his lack of boundaries when it came to belongings - for someone who was supposedly an only child, Dick was such a sharer)

Sometimes, looking at him was bittersweet too.

When the inevitable thought followed, that his dad - his real dad - had never had the chance to surpass what the world and Peter knew him to be.

That he never lived long enough for Peter to discover the human he was outside of fatherhood. Outside of the sacrifice he made for his family, for his legacy - for his son.

The realisation is fleeting and soon lost to the ebb and flow of his consciousness - but the weight of it lingers.

A thought that haunts him, in their stretches of silence.

—-

headcanons / thoughts I’ve had from my Peter in Gotham fic