HC: Peter Parker Is A Functioning Alcoholic

Is Peter answering their ft call

Dick: If he wants to get shit done that day? Absolutely not. There’s no such thing as a causal ft with Dick they will end up 9 hours in discussing anything and everything. Definition of yapper & listener duo 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ like he can’t even hang up when they go to the bathroom fr they’re locked innnn

Wally: yes but his video will lag severely for a minute and by the time it catches up to his audio it does that glitchy 2x speed catchup that slows everything else down so now Peter’s 10 topics behind 😭

Jason: yes but only because it scares the shit out of him every time Jason’s fuckass no caller id pops up with a FaceTime request like who the hell is this random freak calling at this hour who isn’t in his contacts omgod please

Damian: if he sees it, yes, because Damian will get sulky about it later. Which honestly isn’t even fair to Peter considering how often the call is just a poorly angled iPad being held towards various spiders that Damian will then demand he translate “I don’t want to spray you just get out I need to shower” to (“it’s not a language Damian it’s just intent - they can’t sense my intent from a screen I have to be there.” “So get here.” “I’m working.” “Why? You do realise social mobility amongst the classes is a myth right?” “…? Now who-“ “Buy that joker shake on your way here for me. Bye.”)

Tim: oh yeah. He’s actually one of the few people Peter goes out of his way to FaceTime because holy shit he will answer in the craziest situations. This is the same man that joins JL zoom calls escaping an avalanche completely unmuted like “Morning guysaianwiwGAHHHjaKSJU-?!”

He’s also insanely nonchalant about it too like dude are you okay 😭

Roy: another no caller id warrior except he’s not unhinged enough to ft Peter without his number showing. There have been times however where he’s answered and a drunk Jason will be laughing filming whatever shenanigans they’re currently up to (yes, he still has screen-recorded evidence of Roy accidentally falling off a bridge and crashing into a couple’s riverside dinner looking every bit the drunk, overgrown ginger Cupid wearing a domino mask holding lethal arrows)

——————

Random headcanon I just thought of inspired by my Peter in Gotham fic

In my mind Peter treats Bruce like they’re that one 40 y/o + 20 something y/o coworker duo in every corporate office

and it completely baffles Bruce bc ??? how’re you oversharing and simultaneously saying nothing at all

And the problem now is he gets war flashbacks from the stress inducing clusterfuck problems Peter offhandedly tells him about, so every so often he’ll cave and ask Dick about him when he’s not around (“that Peter…did he ever get that denied exam extension sorted?”)

But when he finally does see him it’s like the problem never mattered (“oh - what? I said that? Right no, I just emailed the tutor. But you know, that TA who slept with him said...”) until he mentions something crazy again and the cycle continues.

Basically - organised Bruce meeting Peter “there’s a lot of moving parts so I choose to keep track of none of them” Parker

Omgod percabeth office au where Percabeth are emailing back and forth over an issue in passive aggressive corporate speak (Percy totally thinks they’re flirting, Annabeth is confused and problemsolving)

Annabeth: What's the most polite way to phrase "you fucked up big time and need to fix this now or else" in a professional email?

Percy: "Hello, I hope this email finds you before I do"

Idk how often this connection has been made but raven and apple from ever after high are literally glinda and elphaba variants

Mentally still here

This implication that Jason always wanted siblings lives in my head rent free

Red Hood: Outlaw #32

Do they have a skincare routine?

Dick: he’ll tell you yes but it’s literally water 🙄

Peter: he’s more on the reactive side in that he won’t put too much effort in until he starts getting congested skin

Tim: yes but it’s all travel sized for some reason?? He travels a lot so it’s just - pocket sized. And he never sticks to the same product either since it’s just whatever he finds in duty free 😭

Wally: he had a weak wave of acne as a teenager…it’s 10 steps and he’s never missed a DAY

Jason: he respects it, but it ain’t him

[Peter, reading his response: wait this is the third time he’s written this…is this a stamp? Is he STAMPING out answers - Jason wtf??]

Artemis: yes but shes stopped buying her own and lives exclusively off of Wally’s products bc he’s been using her haircare stuff so they’ve reached like an equilibrium

Damian: he’s too young and doesn’t care but will occasionally throw out your products unprovoked if they take up too much counter space 💔 he doesn’t even need to live there either he’ll just do it (he’s been banned from Wally’s bathroom)

Roy: he couldn’t tell you a toner from a serum.. the man’s running on sunscreen and vibes 😭

——

I based this off my Peter x young justice fanfic if anyone’s confused 🙂‍↕️

america's sweetheart olympian 🥇

Damian + Peter sibling headcanons

As told through the stages of Damian’s life:

Toddler Damian who has to sit between Peter’s legs when he’s being babysat while Peter plays on his psp console so he doesn’t Wonder Off.

Toddler Damian who sees it as his god given right to bounce on Peter’s well made bed while he’s at school or work and eat his stashed lollies then lie that he never (the wrappers are peaking out of his fists)

Kid Damian who says hes not a baby and not tired when Peter asks only to knock out on the couch 20 minutes later

Kid Damian who quotes Peter’s opinions like scripture nonchalantly to his friends in middle school to seem cooler.

Kid Damian who makes unhinged animations on his DS Lite for mandatory viewing when his siblings get home

Kid Damian who doesn’t like lying but chooses to remain tactfully silent whenever Bruce notices Peter’s snuck out

(He leaves the window closest to the tree outside open so Peter can sneak in again)

Teenage Damian who moved into Peter’s bigger room in high school but kept some of the things he couldn’t take to college as older sibling lore

Teenage Damian who runs down the stairs to see a home-for-the-holidays Peter setting his bags down at the door and breaks into a smile rolls his eyes

Teenage Damian who ducks out of Peter’s head ruffles with an annoyed groan and weak protests to knock it off

Teenage Damian who’s kept the fliers to every student photography exhibition with Peter’s work in it that he’s ever been too

Teenage Damian who finds himself on a three way call with Jason and Peter after crashing his car for the first time because he snuck out earlier and he’s in sooooo much trouble now

They make a game plan while Jason spends the entire call ribbing him (he’s on repair duty)

Teenage Damian who ducks his head in weak embarrassment walking across the graduation stage as the familiar whoops from the crowd overshadow the announcement of his name to receive his high school diploma

———

This is early 2000s older sibling coded if anyone’s lived through that…experience 😭

If you’ve come this far, I’m writing a fanfic where Damian and Peter have a similar dynamic! Check it out if you like :)

I know for a FACT he wouldn’t have ended up as a glorified wizard cop if they were together but alas

The potential of Luna and Harry is beyond just Luna being another female character that Harry was close with. She challenges him and makes him question the things he so easily accepted as reality, while still encouraging him to stay true to his own beliefs. He grounds her and gives her an anchor to hold on to without constricting her or trapping her in expectations.

She's weird and she ruins his street cred at Hogwarts but he doesn't care because she's one of the only people who wants him as Harry and not as Harry Potter. At a time where the only thing the Wizarding World is giving him is more grief, more loss, more pain, she reminds him of the magic he felt in his first year.

She is his ticket to staying in the Wizarding World. Not just as someone who has settled into the world and the role people expect of him, but as someone who wants to continue changing it. She is his period of Enlightenment. It's literally poetic. Shut up.

Familiar froot done well 🤩💕

Edited Cinderella (2015) poster via @grandehorror on Instagram