Me To My Girlfriend Even Though It's Mostly Because She Dislocated Her Knee In 5th Grade And It Was Such

Sorry. Looks like what we thought was proof of the human the soul was actually left over bong water. I’m so sorry. 

Clint you've got to be fucking kidding me

what I wouldn't give to have the gastric constitution of a nine-year-old again. like you know when you're in grade school and you're like okay I'm gonna have some gushers and pizza and one of those dubious chalky grocery store cookies and then go run around with my friends! and now as an adult if I eat the wrong brand of peanut butter I have to lie down for an hour

Cigarettes give you cancer, alcohol gives you cancer….. what’s next? the fire retardant in my ceiling that I like to inhale for good luck???

Stop idolizing the grind and start idolizing Hügelkultur

worst part of having the party at your own place is that you can't run home drunk

when you’re staring into the pasta water thinking i bet it wouldn’t even hurt if i stuck my hand in there that’s the angel talking